Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier and welcome back to Will You Press The Button.
Now it's been a while,
so I want to make sure that when I do these questions,
they are as devastating,
to as many people as possible.
If I can wipe out entire countries,
for even a modicum of power,
you know I'm gonna press that button.
*Stroking Baby Face* It seems a lot less threatening
when I'm very shorn and baby-faced like this.
But that's just to get under your skin!
And so you don't suspect anything and then I'll stab you in the back!
But I'll be real cute about it...
Okay, so you can speak every language fluently,
but you cannot read or write in any of them.
Now this is actually a dilemma.
If you - If you speak every language fluently
and I'm assuming this this is every language universally,
so I'm assuming it's anywhere if there are aliens
and they do have language, which I'm assuming there are and they do,
then you would be able to speak those weird languages.
But not that that would mean anything to anyone you could just be like
*Mark starts spouting an "alien language"*
It's an alien language guys, trust me!
It's an alie- Only I know it, and the aliens, but I know this!
*Mark tells us that we are gullible in this language*
Well, they'd be a little worried, but then they would have to take your word for it,
because you could speak absolutely every language on Earth,
and then they would have to assume that you're correct.
But, not being able to read or write it, you'd never be able to record it.
You wouldn't even be able to dictate to someone::
I think this weird language has an "A" shape to it
for that letter? You wouldn't be able to do any of that.
So, it's a bit of a trade off
but I'd never be able to read again
Ah, I don't read instructions anyway, so fuck it let's press it
If I'm gonna justify anything about this, it's that my bullshit excuses are applicable
You can fly, anywhere, but you have to go to the restroom every ten minutes...
I mean, it's not telling me I have to go to the restroom and DO something
I could just build a toilet in every room in my house
and I've got you beat. And when you're flying, I mean what's the prob?
Drop your trousers, start shitting all over the place
No one's gonna stop you, you're fricking flying!
Piss on everybody! You're flying over their heads!
Fuck 'em! Fuck 'em! Fuck you! Fuck you!
I'm gonna shit on your dreams as I fly over your house!
Yeah I'm, I'm gonna do that
Screw that, that's amazing, I'd totally do that heheheheh
You live a perfect life; a good job, plenty of friends, and a soulmate who loves you dearly
But, you have to live life as the opposite sex (that is extremely sexist that that's presented as a drawback)
YES! Fuck it. Great!
Sounds cool! Why wouldn't I do that?
You can experience the feeling of an orgasm whenever you want
But, you can't have sex
Does that mean like I'm physically incapable
Like I can't figure out how to put peg A into slot V?
Like I just can't do it, I can't
Oh! Oh god! AHUAA!? What is- AhUAGH- I Don't know!!
I could be in a relationship
And then just, not have sex
you could do that anyway, it's called marriage *Php*
Ah! I did it! I nailed the joke!
Ah nah, I'm good. I'm good on my own
Any Pokemon you want will become real
But, you have to treat it with the same amount of respect you'd give any animal, or it will vanish
How I treat ANY animal
Not a Specific animal, any animal
But if Pokemon were real, I wouldn't abuse it
But- OH! Oh my god I get it
Okay. So, it's saying like
I don't know why my mind went "I'm not gonna eat this Pokemon"
Like, I don't know what it's getting at, I'm not gonna eat it
Like of course it doesn't want you to eat it, it doesn't want you to BATTLE with it
Because dogfighting is illegal, and horrible
So I guess it just wants you to actually assume that
That these Pokemon are gonna be fighting for you
Then that's no cool, but if they're gonna be a friend, then that's totally fine
That could- you could make it FLY
I could get an Alakazam, and it'd be able to- it has an IQ of like
90 bajillion! It'd be able to do anything!
That'd be cool. Yeah, hell yeah! Hell yeah!
I mean I give animals respect all the time
Chica disrespects me back, ಥ_ಥ but I mean, that's about the same
You can go back in time, bring anything back with you
But, Hitler wins the war
*rubbing baby face* Oooh, now the question is
What do you bring back, and why is it worth it?
And I'm assuming by the war, they mean World War 2
AND I'm Assuming that generally means he conquered anything he wanted to conquer
Which was the whole world, so the whole world is now naZI
Okay, so some people would logically conclude you would bring back, like, either technology
or something cool into the past, and then hopefully that would have a profound effect on the future
And maybe World War 2 wouldn't happen, but I'm assuming by the context here
Hitler winning World War 2 is a constant in time. It's inchangeable he cannot not win
So if you bing technology back far enough
You actually affect the technology curve of society and
And not only does he win, he wins with even MOORRE technologically advanced weapons
and he BLOWS up everything, and everything is horrible
EVEN more so, with robots and shit
Yeah I don't- People have an infatuation with like the past
But the past was BAD! People died a lot!
They didn't have, like Penicillin and antibiotics and shit
They didn't have FOOD! They had a lot more war then there is now
I mean a lot of people died in World War 2, but that's a constant here, we can't do anything about that
So no, noo, nooooooo no no.. (But what about fucking everything up markimoo?)
You gain ALL the knowledge of the internet
But, you get turrets where you random-
*confusediplier* you randomly shout out sex sounds?
You get turrets? Shooty shooty bang bang turrets?
I'm gonna take this literally! It's not Tourettes's
It's turrets. I have turrets
on my house, pointed in random diections and they're like
whenever they see motion, somebody's walking down the street and they're like
*whirr* Uhhhh
Little, little mom, pushing her baby on a stroller
*WAPISH* UH YEAH GET IT
That's not what- that's not what anyone sounds like
when they're having sex, but I don't know what anyone sounds like
I'm- I'm just a young boy of 13, I've- I've never even imagined what that is c:
Yeah, hell yeah. I'm gonna do that.
I-I want the sex turrets. I want ALL the sex turrets.
Let's see. You become a millionaire and live a long, healthy life
But, everyday at exactly 6 PM, you must sit deadly still on a chair for an hour
and do nothing... without fail
Could I sleep? I mean, doing nothing, I mean there is literally
There is nothing more do nothing than sleeping
because you're not doing anything (people have literally murdered in there sleep by the way)
You're literally doing nothing, So...
Every day at 6 Pm I have a power nap?
I mean that seems pretty cool!
And then you're fine, and then you go about your day a happy, long lived millionaire
I- I don't- No downside!
You will be rich and famous
But, you can only speak in Shakespeare quotations
So, you'll be able to speak eloquently
with fine literature-ary qwo-otes
but everyone is gonna think you're a giant douche, and hate you
Uh... uh... better to be a-b- a ba
Ah, fuck it I don't know, I'll press it
You can go back in time and make different choices on any day of your life you wish
But-
You then return to the present with no memory of how those choices affected your life
and you can NEVER regain those memories...again
Ssssoooooo, what you're saying is
If I go back
and have a different conversation with Sally Sluttensworth
I wouldn't KNOW the outcome of that particular action
(I thought it was you woulden't know the way that you changed it so it didnt happen if that makes any sense)
but it would have occured
Soooooo
I go BACK, talking to Sally Sluttensworth
Put a lot of money in Apple stock right before
And then I go to the future with a SLIGHTLY different life
Aaaaaaaaa... I don't know seems fine I mean
doesn't say- I don't HAVE to do it nMmn
Let's see... world peace
But, a quarter of the world population dies
Welllllll
World peace for ever and ever or world peace for a little bit or
world peace for something?
That's gonna kill... 1.5 something
more than that, probably like 2 billion people. (Yeah, two and a quarter I think)
Now, that's a lot of people.
But if I recall something that I said in the beginning of this epsode
Here it is
DEVASTATING
WIPE OUT ENTIRE COUNTRIES
MODICUM OF POWERR
THEN I'M GONNA PRESS THAT BUTTON
I'M GONNA SWEEP DEVASTATION
ALL ACROSS THE COUNTRY, AND THE WORLD
To bring about world peace. I will press this button.
Don't worry guys, I'm gonna bear this burden.
I'll do it, I got it. I got this guys, I got this. Don't worry I got this.
Okay, bam, I did it okay, we did it alright
Everybody who's alive?
Aw fuck
*Rip Babyplier*
Ooooh shit this is a good one
Okay, I'm gonna end the episode here and give you this question
Anyone you hate instantly dies
But that includes individuals you otherwise like but happen to be very angry with at the moment
And no, you can't suddenly forgive them and be okay with them
If you were angry with them that day, or even that week, they will die
Anyone will
So, will you press that button? I'll leave that up to you.
So thank you everybody so much for watching
and as always, I will see you, In the next video...
Buh-Bye!
*Happy Outro Music*