There's this exercise that you say
when you look at other people.
And you say, I think it's-- is it--
Just like me.
Just like me. Yeah.
I've taken it to "that could be me."
You know, we've all used the phrase "there
but for the grace of God." - That's right.
It's another [INAUDIBLE]
But I love this idea of when you see something going on
with another person, and even if you're just stuck in traffic
and you're getting upset with them, you do the "just like me"
exercise. PEMA CHODRON: And that's right.
Can you share that?
I like that.
Well, it is really helpful.
You can do it anytime, like, for instance, sitting
and waiting for anything.
You can just look around at people.
And whether they seem stressed, or happy, or whatever,
you can say, just like me.
We are alike.
Just like me, that person really wants to be loved.
That person doesn't want to suffer.
That person doesn't want physical pain.
That person doesn't want hatred coming towards them.
Right. Just like me.
That person, just like me.
Just like me.
And so it's very, very useful if you're in these irritating
situations like a traffic jam.
It's so--
Or at the airports-- people are
so frustrated at the airport.
Oh, I know.
So you sit there.
And you-- if you just start, instead of fuming, which gets
you nowhere except, you know--
More fuming.
--only get more fuming.
You start looking at the people in the other cars
or other people sitting in the airport and think,
and just like me, these people had someplace to go,
and they're being delayed.
And just like me, they're fretting about it.
And just like me, they're just human beings who--
Want to be where they are trying to get to.
And just like me, it would really
be helpful if there was some other way
they could deal with it. You know?
Yeah.
So here's some advice.
The advice would be just start seeing
the humanity of all the people in the cars around you.
I would have to say that one of the things,
the great lessons of having a talk
show every day for 25 years and interviewing over 37,000 people
one on one, I got that "just like me" thing.
I understood-- - Oh, I bet you did.
--that this human--
that there's this human common denominator of our experience.
Oh, absolutely.
OPRAH WINFREY: And just like me, everybody wants to be heard.
And just like me, everybody wants to know that they matter.
PEMA CHODRON: That's right. - Yeah.
You know, I often say to people who are having
trouble with their parents--
and often their parents are like my my age.
Right? OPRAH WINFREY: Yes, yes.
PEMA CHODRON: And but they are going to go home,
and they're dreading it.
And then I always said, well, I got advice once.
Enter into their lives instead of struggling
against and being resentful that they're
not interested in your life.
Just for that-- keep the visit short.
And for a couple of days there, just
sit and enter into their life.
Do whatever they're doing, like watching television all day
long when you'd rather be out playing tennis or something.
And the other thing is, ask them about their childhood.
OPRAH WINFREY: Yes.
Ask them about their life.
And I said, really, it's worth taking a tape recorder
because for you to start hearing about your mother
or father's childhood is [INAUDIBLE]
Yeah, I did that with my mother toward the end.
I actually, when my mother-- we knew that my mother was dying,
and wouldn't be on earth much longer,
and was making her transition, I went back to Milwaukee.
And I sat in the room.
She was in this little room where
she watches television where the temperature
was like 87 degrees.
And she's watching "The Bold and the Beautiful"
and "The Young and the Restless" all day
long, and watching the game show.
And I just sat in the room--
Yeah, that's right.
OPRAH WINFREY: --just sat in the room.
That's right.
And sometimes it's enough just to be there.
- That's right. - Yeah.
And I had an interesting experience once with my mother.
Because she retired-- she and my father retired to Mexico.
But then he died, oh, maybe six years before she left Mexico.
And so I would go down there.
I'd be just dying to get out and walk
in the markets and everything.
She would stay in her room, all the shades drawn,
and again just watching television like she
wasn't in Mexico. - Right.
You know?
Could have been anywhere.
And so my feeling was-- so I got this advice.
Just enter her world.
So I went.
And as you say, it was so hot in there, and it was so dark.
So I'm sitting there.
And basically, I am just so restless
and just almost have to tie myself
down to just kind of be present because I want to get out.
And after awhile, I just started to relax.
And after a while, it got kind of interesting actually.
Every once in a while, the door would open,
and someone would come in.
And it'd be like a little vignette of life.
Someone would interact with her, or bring
her something, or something.
And I'd see her reaction and that person's reaction.
Then they'd leave.
And we'd be back to this sort of status quo of boredom.
But after a while, it became like being
in a theater show or something.
You know?
OPRAH WINFREY: Mhm.
Being on stage and almost like a theater piece.
I don't know what to say except that it changed from being
dreadful and something I wanted to avoid to something
I actually got into with her.
That's right.
You became present enough to actually--
- Transcend my mind-- - Yes, absolutely.
--with my resistance.