- Hey, you wanna do lines?
- Duh.
- No, for the audition, not the ones in your nose.
- Good one, Fat Damon.
- Okay, what part to you wanna read, Jiminy or Cletus?
'Cause I know both parts, fully memorized,
'cause that's how prepared I am.
- Oh, did you memorize the number of chins you have,
because it's eight.
- Okay shots fired Rick, shots fired.
Let's go.
[With Southern accent] Look son, I don't think you have any idea what you're doing.
- Really Pa, well if you're so dang smart
what would you do?
- I'd be a real man and I would apologize.
- I think you're just yellow.
You ain't never fought in your life.
- Now see here, don't you say that to me.
You and your brother, I did everything for-
- Excuse, I'm so sorry to interrupt.
But I just couldn't help but overhear y'all's accents.
Are you all from the south?
- Hell ya we is.
I'm from Alabama, Mobile, Alabama.
- Mobile, get out me too.
- Oh hush.
No, see I was just born there
but me and my kinfolk we packed up and moved
out of town immediately after I was born
like within an hour or so, give or take.
- Oh my gosh, that is fast.
You mama must be strong as an ox.
- Oh she is, she is.
- Where did you grow up then?
- Mississippi.
That's right, small little shanty town just outside
Jericho Ridge.
- Jericho Ridge.
- Jericho, I'm not familiar with it
but hey, that sure is neat.
Look at me, I'm being rude, my name's Annabelle.
- Pleasure to make your condolence.
I'm Cletus and this here varmint's Jiminy.
- Bojour.
- Nice to meet you Jiminy, are you also from Jericho Ridge?
- I am not thank God, that is just really
kind of a toilet, no offense.
My family floated around, we kind of tasted
all parts of the south.
We were kind of carpet baggers, never really settled down.
- How come y'all move around so much?
Are y'all army brats or something?
- No, my dad was a alligator repair man.
- A what?
- Alligator removal, he removed alligators
from properties, pools, shopping malls, stuff like that.
So how come you're out here in Hollyweird?
- Oh hell, I just needed a change of pace.
You know small town blues type of thing.
Hey y'all mind if I give you my number,
I'd love to just hang out or whatever.
- Here use my phone, it's new. - No mine's black.
- Mine's new.
- I like to write things down.
- Oh yeah that's nice.
- I'm like my Momma.
She used to read us Mark Twain every night right before bed.
- That's great, I love Mark.
He wrote some good shit.
- Such a lost art form you know?
The flow of somebody's hand.
It's almost like a window into somebody's soul.
You know?
Anyway, what am I doing, I'm sitting here rambling.
- Please continue to ramble.
- Yeah ramble away.
- Y'all have a nice day.
- Okay Annabelle.
Bye Annabelle, good to see you.
- She gave me the number not you.
Give it back.
She gave me the number. - She gave it to me
- No she gave it to me.
Give me that.
- Keep your fucking voice down mother fucker.
- You suck.
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights, big city
♪ Stereo 54
♪ Bright lights, big city looking pretty
- She was a legit angel.
Did she leave her halo in the car?
Like what the fuck?
- Sorry Gary, she's all mine, stay away.
- What?
My accent was way better than yours.
I'm calling her.
- She gave me her number so I'm going down south.
- Oh, that's real classy.
That's Annabelle we're talking about.
Maybe I wanna settle down with her in a bayou,
wear bonnets and shit.
- Whatever alligator repair dick.
- Your liver looks like an alligator.
- Oh great, alligators live to be 1,000 years old.
Thank you.
- No, an alligator in a human body, that's not possible.
- Well at least I have a human body,
you look like an inflatable gummy bear.
- Cool, your rent just doubled.
- Oh zero times zero is zero so thank you.
- You have coke in your room, I'll call the police.
- No, I hid it.
(rock music)
- [Annabelle] Hey boys, sorry I didn't call y'all
back right away, all I've got is this dang landline.
- A landline?
I'm so hard.
- I love her.
- [Annabelle] Anyway, I can not wait to hang tonight.
I found this great place in the valley
for some authentic southern food.
It's called Slappy's Cook House.
It's on Ventura.
I'll see you guys at eight.
- I feel bad man, we should tell her.
- Why, this is good practice.
- Practice for what?
The audition for Desperabro was a week ago.
- What if they make Desperabros part two?
- So then we have to be southern for a year?
- What, you can't handle it
you fried pickled baby dangalang?
- Okay, let's dance you fricasseed rooster pussy fart.
- Oh it's one.
- Cockadoodledoo.
(techno music)
- Complementary sweet tea for you little turquoise hunters.
Slappy will be out in just a minute to take your order.
Annabelle, always nice to see you around here.
I drew a picture of you.
- Much obliged.
- Wow, he was a tad forward but sweet.
- He's harmless.
You know what y'all, this menu's amazing.
They got everything from hush puppies
to pickled pig's feet.
Golly, it's just amazing you know.
There's just something about food
that brings back so many memories.
- Bingo, I mean I'm looking at this menu.
The memories are just flooding back
you know like sunlight on a catfish.
- Oh my gosh, I love catfish.
- It's the best fish ever right?
- [Annabelle] It is, and get this
it was my high school mascot.
- No, see I knew that, that's why we're soulmates
because I could feel that that was your mascot.
- You know what, I used to eat loads of catfish
as a young whippersnapper.
Cajun style too.
- Really?
- Hey did y'all go to college?
- I barely made it out of Jericho Ridge High.
- Got it.
- Cletus has what we call simple brain.
Where the Lord made him wrong
but we do not judge him for that.
- That's just mean.
- He was made wrong.
- He's a mean person.
- No I'm not but I did attend the University of Florida.
- Get out, I did too.
I went there for a couple semesters.
- Fuck, really?
- Obviously you were there a few years before me
but can you believe they are still using the same dorms?
- Are you serious?
- Not even kidding.
- Good Lord, yuck.
- Which one did you stay in?
- Yeah which one?
- Which dorm did I stay in?
I stayed, that was awhile ago.
It was made out of brick I remember that.
Let's just eat, you know what I mean
and then we'll get into all that.
Let's just order food
and we won't get into that. - I'm starving.
Hey Slappy.
Boys, this is Slappy.
- Hey Slappy.
- Hello sir.
- Slappy, these are a couple nice southern
fellas I met, Cletus and Jiminy.
- What will you boys be eating?
- I'm still looking at the menu sir.
- Ladies first. - That's right.
- Please y'all order for the table
and don't be shy, I could eat the side of a barn right now.
- Seen her do it.
And it's family style so I hope you got some appetites.
- Oh yeah.
- Oh yeah I could eat 17 barns.
- You go ahead and order Jiminy.
- Okay, I will order for us.
A southern meal.
Let me just see, there's a lot here that I love.
How about we start with... chicken and gravy?
- Good call.
- Grits?
- I love it, perfect. - perfect.
- Such a good choice.
- Then you know what, just to get frisky
I'm gonna flow in some circodish.
- Succotash?
- Pardon?
- Succotash, that's how you say it.
- No, I know, I know I was making a joke
from my face for the table.
(fake laughter)
- That joke just ain't funny Jiminy.
That's very disrespectful to Mr. Slappy here
as well as the south.
- You're damn right it's disrespectful.
We take great pride in our cuisine here at the cookhouse.
- My condolences Mr. Slappy, I was just trying to have fun.
- And what will you be having young man?
- I'll have the jam-ball-yay.
- It's jambalaya you fucking dunce.
Annabelle, where'd you find these two southern boys
because I smell a big crock of hog piss.
- Slappy relax, ain't nothing wrong with them.
I just met them up on the hiking trail.
- If it was up to me they can just take a hike.
- Cletus is the one that don't know no words.
What part of Jericho Ridge are you from anyway?
- Where the fuck is Jericho Ridge?
- You ain't make no joke, you is one.
By the by, what was your major at Florida State?
Did you tell young Annabelle here?
No you didn't 'cause yous a big old lie maker.
- Don't you fucking sass me in front of my wife.
I'm gonna throw this ice tea in your face.
- It's sweet tea.
- He ain't even know no tea.
- You don't even know no sweet tea?
- You shut your bullfrog bitch mouth.
- I will take your dick and deep fry it in alligator lizard.
[With a New Jersey accent] - Stop, fucking stop, Jesus.
You guys are gonna give me a fucking heart attack over here.
- Annabelle?
- Alright look, my name's not Annabelle.
- What?
- It's Karen Donnarooma.
I'm from Jersey.
- But why?
- I'm sorry about that buddy.
I'm an actress and there's this Indie movie
I've got coming up I got an audition for.
My acting teacher just decided that I should go method.
I just wanted to see if my accent would play.
- I bought it.
- I bought that shit hook, line and sinker.
- Anyhow, no hard feelings alright guys.
I didn't mean to cause a shitstorm.
- What you're not gonna stay for supper?
- Oh Slappy, you never notice the only thing
I finish was the coffee.
I still love you Slappy.
- It ain't no big deal.
My name's ally Chuck, it's not Slappy
and I'm from San Francisco.
(techno music).