Good, morning.
Everybody it is SaturKay.
Welcome to OMKalen.
Now, listen.
I saw that you all was up in my comments
talking about them Kool-Aid pickles.
And I'm still saying I'm not going
eat them Kool-Aid pickles.
But I have decided to go back to the beginning of time
and try an iconic dish.
So today, baby, I'm making potato salad cake.
Oh, this is nasty.
Oh, yeah.
All righty, child.
Welcome to Kalen's Kountertop.
[LAUGHTER]
So I got my little laptop right here.
And I got the video rolling, so we about to figure this out.
So first we gotta cut these potatoes up.
You gotta cook the potatoes first.
You can't have raw potatoes.
That's nasty.
Ooh, I hope you all washed your hands before.
I've been over some people's houses
and I don't eat be eating they food,
because I don't know if they washed their hands, honey.
I'd be inspector [INAUDIBLE].
You gonna get somebody salmonella.
Wait, I think that comes from me.
Never mind.
Ooh, I feel my muscles flaring up.
This is another workout.
I may not need to go to the gym tonight.
So that was 28 ounces of cooked potaters.
Oh, we gotta do something with an apple?
I used to be so scared to eat apples.
I always thought a worm was going to come out.
Oh, Lord.
It's an onion.
Why this onion ain't peeled yet?
OK, you all, we gotta peel the onion first
before we can do anything with it.
This is gonna be a while.
Actually, ain't you supposed to cut the ends first?
I think-- actually-- yeah.
That's what you're supposed to do.
Ooh, Lord.
The whole onion?
Well, their onion on here is a lot smaller
than the onion that's on here, baby.
Ooh, Lord.
Why are my eyes burning?
Oh, because it's an onion.
Onions make your breath stink.
They smell.
And they make you cry.
Ooh, I didn't cut this one up good enough.
Ooh, that's the skin.
Never mind.
That wasn't supposed to be in there.
[LAUGHTER]
What else you gotta put in here?
Think the pickles.
Ooh.
Ooh, Jesus.
[LAUGHTER]
Ooh, why this lid on like this?
Oh!
Jesus!
Oh.
There we go.
Honey, I was concerned.
Ooh, God, that stinks.
Ooh, Lord Jesus.
See, you all thought I was going to put this in some Kool-Aid,
eat it.
Lies you tell.
Oh, the cute pickle!
Look at that pickle!
One of the best days of my life was finding out
that pickles are actually cucumbers.
Did you all know that?
So you all need to start making pickles,
because cucumbers is cheaper than pickles.
You need to just go get a cucumber,
throw it in some vinegar and let it out in the sun.
You know me, bougie on a budget, honey.
Save your coin.
OK.
Now we gonna mix this all together.
OK, so-- ooh.
Jesus.
Ooh.
You all didn't see that.
I'm sorry.
Since I've been working out my muscles, they just get--
they get ahead of themselves, honey.
Add the cream cheese and the mayonnaise.
OK.
So we gonna throw our cream cheese up in here.
1/3 cup of mayonnaise.
Let me move this one.
Oh, Jesus.
That-- oh!
God that stinks.
Ooh!
Look at it.
It even make a squishy noise.
Oh, God.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Smells delicious.
Now I got to put salt and pepper in here.
Of course I do.
I don't know how you all can walk down a grocery store aisle
and go through all them seasonings that
is literally there on the wall and only pick
the salt and pepper.
First of all, the salt and pepper ain't even on the shelf
with the other seasonings.
It's completely ignored and abandoned the other seasonings.
There is basil.
There is oregano.
There is nutmeg.
There is cinnamon.
Because salt is white, when you put it in stuff,
you don't even know if you really seasoned it well,
because you can't see it.
They're trying to bamboozle you.
Don't.
Mm-mm.
So now we're going to spoon the mixture
into our fancy contraption here.
Spread out our potato salad mixture.
Make sure it's even and level.
Get down.
Sorry, y'all.
I'm knocking my hat down.
Now we're going to do these pickles.
I'm gonna put them around in a little circle on the edge,
make a little cute little border.
And then I'm going to put my K in the middle,
because you know I like to put my name on everything.
Ooh, they rolling away.
Ooh, Jesus.
This stinks.
My nose is burning.
Now we're going put it in a K. Let me move this potato.
It's in the way.
Ooh, that rhymed, child.
(RAPPING) I'm going to put it in the K.
Look at that pickle in the way.
Ay!
I'm going to put it in the K, but that pickle in the way.
Imma put it in the K, but the pickle in the way.
I gotta put this in the 'frigerator
for I think like two hours so that it can get all hard
and stuff so that when I take it out of this
it's not all discombobulated.
We got us a little Kalen potato salad.
Actually, I should probably fill in these gaps.
That's better!
Don't that look cute?
Look at me.
I'm gonna wiggle this off.
Am I not doing this right?
Oh!
Ooh.
OK.
Now we gotta put the most disgusting part
of this whole thing and put some raw hot dog wieners
around the side as decoration.
Clearly I have ran out of hot dogs.
However, we're going to leave this little opening
here so that all the pickles inside can get some sunlight.
Oh, the things that I do for y'all.
It is time to try my wonderful creation here.
Mmm, my god.
Oh, my spirit is so heavy right now.
There it is.
Absolutely not.
You could not pay me to eat that [BLEEP] right here.
Oh, Jesus.
Mm.
[LAUGHTER]
OK!
[LAUGHTER]
OK.
I'm gonna do it.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm laughing through the pain, y'all.
You could not pay me to eat that right there.
[LAUGHTER]
Mm-mm.
Mmm.
Absolutely not.
First of all, it's too many textures all up in one.
Bottom line, this some nasty [BLEEP]..
Let me go get some of my friends and have them
try it to see if they like it.
I made this special dish.
OK?
My grandmother's potato salad.
Now, I want you to try this.
You need to get the potato salad and you
need to get the hot dog.
Smell it.
Yeah.
Mm-hmm.
Oh.
Smells good, don't it?
Oh my gosh!
Yeah.
There you go.
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Open up!
Choo choo!
Ooh, yeah.
That's actually really good.
[LAUGHTER]
Oh, well.
It tastes like my mom's potato salad.
[LAUGHTER]
Well.
It's not bad.
Great.
You know?
You like it?
Wait, what's wrong?
You can go ahead and take that with you.
OK.
Go ahead.
Baby, you OK?
[LAUGHTER] They only told me put salt and pepper in there.
Could you taste that?
No, not really.
Exactly, because salt and pepper is inadequate.
You don't like it no more?
No, this is absolutely disgusting.
There's like a gross aftertaste.
What's the aftertaste?
It's gross.
Oh, so now you don't like it?
No.
Well, that's good, because I didn't like it either,
so I was a little concerned about your taste buds.
Ooh, Jesus.
Sorry.
What the hell?
[LAUGHTER]
Y'all, my grandma did not make that recipe, OK?
She would never in her life make some [BLEEP] like that.
Anyway, I'll see you all later.
Bye, now.
Ooh.
Somebody give me some water or something.
Jesus.
That was some nasty mess.