Clay Andrews: When your ex isn't interested in you,
these are some things that you can expect to see them do. That's what we're going to
be talking about in this video. But first, my name is Clay from modernlove.life. Ex
is probably going to be doing certain things if they legitimately aren't interested in you. And
again, the reason for this video is to give you a barometer about what you are doing and whether or
not it's working. If it's working, okay, awesome. But if it's not working, it might be time to
change your strategy and change your approach to all of this. Sometimes when I do videos like this,
people will be like, "Hey, that was a really insightful video, but what am I supposed to
do with it?" This is your opportunity to say, "Maybe what I'm doing isn't working. It might
be worth changing up the strategy here." So the first thing that your ex might do if they
are legitimately not interested in you, is that they're going to start withdrawing from your life.
Now, there could be all sorts of reasons why your ex might withdraw from your life. Maybe they're
trying to use the no contact rule on you. Maybe they're trying to play some sort of mind game.
Maybe they are doing something that you, reverse psychology. I don't know.
But if they are legitimately trying to move on or not get back together with you, or they're
just not interested in you, they're going to be withdrawing from your life. That means they're
going to not talk to you so much like maybe they used to. That means they're going to potentially
unfollow you on social media. They're going to not talk to your friends, if they were in contact with
your friends first, or whatever the case might be. They're going to be doing things to separate
the two of you together, because there's all these little things that tether our lives together.
If you have some possessions at their house, they have some possessions at your house or something,
they're going to give those back to you or maybe ask for their stuff back or whatever. These are
just little ways that they start to un-invest, disinvest themselves, whatever the proper word
there is, from your life. And this is just, once again, a sign that they potentially could be
legitimately removing themselves and not interested in you. Of course, as I said before,
there could be other reasons for them to do this, but it is a sign of something that
they might be doing if they are legitimately not interested in being together with you.
The second one is that they might date in a non rebound way. We've talked about rebound
relationships before on this YouTube channel. We actually have a whole
series of videos on rebound relationships. You can find it right up there in that video card.
For about a month or so, I actually did nothing but videos on rebound relationships.
But if your ex is dating, it doesn't necessarily mean that they've moved on. They might
believe that they're moving on, but they might be actually going into a rebound relationship, and
obviously a rebound relationship is not genuinely moving on. It's dealing with your emotions in a
less than ideal way to create a relationship that is either very similar to the one that you just
left or the complete polar opposite, and thus a reaction to the relationship that you just left.
And these are some things that your ex would do if they're still emotionally
bound up with you, but if they're starting to date in a non rebound way, where it's more intentional,
where it's more like, "Oh hey, me and my ex, we didn't work out, but this is what I'm choosing
to step into. This is what I'm choosing to welcome into my life." It's not just like,
"Oh my goodness, I'm single. I need to go into this competitive mindset where it's whichever
one of us gets into a relationship first wins," or something like that. Or like, "Oh my goodness,
you were this way. Therefore I need to date someone that's the polar opposite of you,"
or something like that. I mean, sure, yeah. We're going to learn from previous relationships
and we're going to say, "Okay, yeah, me being in a relationship with someone who has
this quality about them, maybe that doesn't work. So maybe I don't choose that."
That's very different than like, "Wow. You're a tightwad. I'm going to be with
someone who's really generous with their money," or something like that. That's totally a reaction.
Whereas intentionally choosing something to move forward and into is a different energy. And if
they are intentionally choosing something to move toward, then they're probably not interested
in you. There's all sorts of complex things with rebound relationships. Again, check out that video
playlist. But the whole rebound thing, there could be a part of them that's still interested in you.
They could still have, obviously, a lot of emotions wrapped up in you and there could
still be a lot of complex feelings at play, but if they're intentionally choosing something
else moving forward, it means they're probably not interested in getting back into the same
relationship. That's not necessarily a bad thing. People often talk to me and they say,
"I'm really concerned about my ex moving on." You want your ex to move on. You do.
Even if the two of you are going to get back together, you don't just want to
revive the previous relationship that you had. You want to be able to create something new
that is better than whatever that you had. Something new that you can
use as a vehicle to avoid a lot of the problems that maybe your previous relationship had.
And so you want your ex to move on because if they don't move on, then they're still caught up
in that old previous dynamic. But anyway, that is a story for another time and another place.
The third sign that your ex is not interested in you is that they are going to block you.
Once again, there's all sorts of reasons why your ex might block you, but if they are blocking you,
then it is definitely something that someone who is not interested would be doing. People
many times ask me, "Okay, my ex has blocked me. What do I do?" Now, if your ex has legitimately
blocked you in every medium of communication that you have accessible, there really is
not a whole lot you can do actively to try to restore that communication. Really if you have
zero ability to communicate with them, then there's really not a whole lot you can do.
I mean, maybe if there's some other channel, like maybe you could write them a letter
or maybe talk to a mutual friend and have that friend deliver a message or something like that,
that's a possibility. But if you're just legitimately blocked on all channels,
all you can really do is sit back and put out some good vibes and hope that maybe they have a change
of heart someday and maybe decide to unblock you or something like that. But once again,
there are a lot of reasons why your ex might block you. Maybe they're just upset with you over some
argument or some incident that the two of you had that made them feel very uncomfortable.
And so they're just reacting in that moment. That could be the case. But also, once again,
if they were legitimately moving on with their lives, that is something that they might do.
The fourth thing that your ex might do if they are legitimately not interested in you,
is that they would actively discourage you from trying to make things work or
trying to connect with them. Now again, we have talked previously about the five stages your ex
goes through in getting back together. There's a video playlist for that up there as well too. And
when you are at the crisis point stage, your ex may potentially actively discourage you,
but mostly this is because they're dealing with that shift from taking things from a theoretical
stance, like, oh, what would it be like to talk to my ex? I don't know. Would it be interesting?
Would we have anything to talk about? Who knows? It's just like an intellectual exercise,
to actually acknowledging that they have real feelings and saying like, "Oh,
I have real feelings for you. If we were to actually get back together, that means things are
going to have to actually change in real life." Maybe someone's going to have to end a rebound
relationship. Maybe someone's going to have to talk to their friends and family and say, "Hey,
me and so-and-so are dating each other again." And those can be some uncomfortable conversations,
especially if you're not rock solid certain that this is going to be a relationship that's going to
have some substance to it. And so in this situation, when your ex is at the crisis point,
they may discourage you as a way to test you or to give you the opportunity to take the easy out,
because admittedly, it would be a whole lot more convenient for them to not have to go through
this challenging prospect of ending the rebound relationship or telling the friends and the family
and all that, that the two of you are getting back together or whatever the case might be.
And so if they float out the idea of, oh, you're just too good for me, you deserve better,
you'll find someone in the end. There's a lot of other people that would love to be with you,
or something like that, and you were to just say, "Yeah, you're right. I probably do deserve better.
See ya," they'd be like, "That was a close call. I almost had to make some really hard choices.
Good thing I didn't, because they weren't that serious." That is a very different dynamic
than if your ex is just like, "We tried to make it work. It's impossible. We just keep having these
fights. There's just nothing here between the two of us." That's a very, very different dynamic. The
crisis point thing comes from a dynamic of like, okay, there's definitely some connection here,
but you're suddenly getting this confusing behavior of them discouraging you.
Whereas them legitimately discouraging you is more them just acknowledging, hey, whatever's
happening here isn't working. I don't see a future. It's a very, very, very different vibe.
And once again, these things are things that are just a barometer or a compass that's telling you,
"Hey, is what you're doing working, or is it not working?" If what you're doing is not working,
it's probably worth changing up your strategy. whatever your strategy might be. I know that there
are a lot of people that just go with no contact as their only tool because that's what a lot of
other people on the internet seem to advocate. I do not agree with that, as I've explained in
many other videos. But if that is the case, it might definitely be time to start thinking, okay,
maybe I need to grab some other tools besides just the no contact rule.
That's, of course, where our advanced relational skills, our communication skills,
everything else that we talk about in our courses and other videos and stuff
comes into play. I do not believe you should just have one tool for doing all of this. I think, yes,
that is a very simple and streamlined approach, but is it the most effective? Probably not.
What you're probably going to need if you're going to have a relationship that works are tools that
allow you to communicate, tools that allow you to build a good solid foundation for a relationship,
tools that allow you to build trust with one another and all of these sorts of things.
And if that is something that you do need some help with, we of course do have our course called
effortless connection, which is our course on communication. It's great for people who are
trying to reconnect with their ex or people who are in relationships who want to take that
relationship to the next level and have better communication, cooperation, and consistency
in their connection with one another. And if you are interested in learning
more about effortless connection, just to feel free to go to our website, modernlove.life/EC,
E as in effortless, C as in connection. I try to keep these domains really easy so you can
remember them. But yeah, it's modernlove.life, which is our website, and then slash EC. Anyway,
if you've liked this video, hit that like button. Thanks so much, and I'll talk to you next time.