this video is sponsored by skillshare
this might be a kind of depressing
question for somebody to ask you over
the internet but are you lonely
well if the answer to that question is
yes fear not because ironically you are
not alone in fact according to the
healthcare company cigna's 2020
loneliness index approximately three out
of five people identify as lonely on a
regular basis now you might think this
is not a huge deal and why is a gigantic
healthcare company going out and doing
research on loneliness but did you know
that loneliness is associated with
depression and even premature mortality
not to mention simple unhappiness on a
regular daily basis and even more
troubling is the fact that this stat is
going up compared to their 2018 numbers
they found a seven percent increase in
overall loneliness which they attributed
to more technology usage overworking and
potentially the rise in remote work and
you might be thinking 2020 increase in
loneliness there is a very obvious
reason for that but you should know that
this study was released in january of
2020 so pandemic aside loneliness is
going up and yes we can blame technology
a little bit we can blame remote work
especially you're not in the office with
your co-workers you're sequestered in
your house but these issues aside adults
often feel very lonely compared to when
they were in college or high school or
kids because they lose their communities
they lose daily interaction with a lot
of different people kurt vonnegut who is
one of the greatest science fiction
authors of all time talked about this in
a commencement speech at a graduation
ceremony once he said we are so lonely
because we don't have enough friends and
relatives human beings are supposed to
live in stable like-minded extended
families of 50 people or more in other
words what you have when you're a kid
what you have when you're in school when
you're in college but what you lose when
you leave college tell me how familiar
this sounds to you because it's pretty
darn familiar to me i had a ton of
friends in college and then we all
graduated we all went our separate ways
and we all got our own jobs and got our
own apartments and now you spend most of
your time hanging out with maybe your
significant other maybe one or two other
friends but that's it often those
friends are busy or they blow off plans
or they're not available and you find
yourself wondering why don't i see
anybody anymore well this is the point
of the video where i tell you how to fix
this problem because there is a way to
fix it but the answer is uh maybe not
the most convenient one because to fix
this problem you have to become the
proactive person in every relationship
you have you have to be the person who
reaches out and makes plans because if
you don't do it no one else is going to
do it the reason we weren't lonely in
school or in college was because we were
forced into interactions with each other
it was not up to us to make plans it was
not up to us to overcome the friction
involved in getting together because we
were forced to get together but when you
go into the real world and you have your
job and you have so many
responsibilities and you're juggling all
these different aspects of your life and
especially if you live in the suburbs
where there's half an hour of traffic
you gotta fight through to get to do
anything
there's now a ton of friction and
there's nobody making you go hang out
with your friends so most people let
that friction beat them and then they
feel lonely and to fix that problem you
need to become the proactive one who
goes out makes plans and invites friends
to do them but there is a tactical way
to do this in a way that won't work
quite so often so when you are the
proactive person you often reach out and
you say hey you want to do something
this weekend hey you want to hang out on
friday and what you have done there is
extended the offer to hang out but you
have put a lot of mental work on the
other person again this does not seem
fair you're the one reaching out they
should be able to meet you halfway and
say yeah what do you want to do but
often they won't so instead the
tactically better way to be able to hang
out with your friends more often is to
make plans that are concrete specific
and crucially that are happening with or
without them so instead of saying hey do
you want to hang out on friday say hey
vinnie we are going to topgolf on friday
at 8pm we'd love to see you there they
now know it's happening with or without
them the only decision they have to make
is yes i'm going or no i'm not gonna go
so no mental work for them number two it
introduces a bit of healthy fomo the
fear of missing out into the equation
sometimes people need a little bit of a
push to go and do something active and
once they're there they will often be
like yeah i'm glad that i came out i'm
really glad that i did this but when
they're sitting on their couch at home
playing video games and they got to put
their shoes on they got to go find their
car keys there is friction there and
they'll often be like i don't know if i
want to do it a little bit of healthy
fomo can get them over that hump and
actually get them to come out and do
something with you so be proactive be
the planner but also be tactically smart
about it to present people with an
option that they can simply say yes to
and all the thinking has been taken away
from them i want to give you one more
bonus tip before i end this video which
will also help you to curb this
loneliness and have better interactions
and more interactions with your friends
and that's to have a system that tracks
the last time you talk to each person in
your life who you care about this is a
tip that came from my good friend martin
who actually has a system where he
tracks the last time he talked to
somebody and in using this he tells me
that in the last month alone he has had
interactions with 40 different people in
his life these are sometimes very small
interactions just texting something dumb
but sometimes they're also actual
in-person nights out real actual hanging
out so if you have a system where you
can see oh i haven't talked to somebody
in like three months i should text them
you're going to have more frequent
interactions with people and you're
going to maintain your circle of friends
more effectively does it sound a little
bit robotic yes but if it gets results
if it improves the quality of not only
your life but the lives of the people
around you then it's worth using a
little bit of a robotic system i think
before we wrap this video up i do want
to talk about one thing we mentioned
earlier on in the video which is that
people often feel like they're too busy
to hang out with their friends to say
yes when you reach out to them they
often feel like they're just so
overworked and so overwhelmed you might
feel like that as well so if you want to
have more interactions and better
interactions with your friends then one
thing you're going to have to do is get
better at time management and that is
something you can learn how to do in my
class over on skillshare which is all
about building a productivity system
this is the combination of your to-do
list your calendar your note-taking
system all the systems in your life to
help you create an external source of
truth which takes a lot of cognitive
strain off of your brain when it comes
to planning and remembering what you
have to do and ensures that nothing ever
slips through the cracks because while
your brain might forget an event your
calendar will not so when you learn how
to fully put together and maintain a
productivity system you are going to be
more efficient with your time and hence
have more time to hang out with your
friends and because this class is on
skillshare you can actually take it for
free right now if you're one of the
first 1000 people to sign up for
skillshare and link down below in my
description that is because skillshare
is currently offering a one month free
trial which gets you unlimited access to
the platform during that trial period
and skillshare has thousands of classes
that you can use to boost your skills in
animation and graphic design in
marketing in business storytelling and
even productivity both myself and my
friend ali abdull have several
productivity classes on the platform so
once you finish taking mine you may want
to expand your knowledge by taking some
of the other ones as well so if you want
to get started learning boost your
skills today and uh you know get some
more time to hang out with your friends
by becoming more efficient with your
time management sign up for skillshare
use the link down below be one of the
first 1 000 people and you're going to
get that free one month trial hopefully
you found this video helpful a bit more
of a conceptual video this week but i do
think that the more interactions the
better interactions we can have with our
friends the better our lives are going
to be and the better the lives of the
people around us are going to be as well
so hopefully you enjoyed this video
likes and comments definitely help the
youtube algorithm out so
comment and like if you want to do that
and i'll have a couple of more videos on
screen right here if you want to watch
more on this channel as always thanks
for watching and i'll see you in the
next video