- Yeah, I'm cutting him, I'm cutting, I'm cutting him.
Okay, okay, okay, no!
(upbeat music) (monitor beeps)
(logo sizzles)
Hey guys, welcome to another episode
of the Wednesday Checkup.
I'm wearing scrubs.
But that's because I was reading your comments
and I see the same two words over and over again.
Surgeon Simulator.
But wait, he's family medicine.
Does he even perform surgery?
(pen clacks)
Be it known that Mikhail Varshavski
has a medicine and surgical license
in the state of New York.
So, basically, what it is that I'm saying,
I think I'm gonna crush this game.
I also have my scalpel here.
Bee, whoop!
It's been one of those days and I'm angry.
Bam.
That wasn't as dramatic as I hoped.
Diazepam? My man's getting high on benzos.
Okay, we got a heart transplant here.
Hello sir, my name is Dr. Varshavski.
It's a pleasure to meet you.
I'm gonna give you a nice little poke
just to make sure you're not awake.
Hello sir, hello?
What have we got, 22 seconds, you have 5.5 liters of blood,
your rhythm looks awful 'cause that's not a real rhythm.
I am going to go down and grab this.
Oh, it did not grab.
Get outta here.
All right, now we have the surgical field
and I have to do a heart transplant.
Is there a bone saw?
Is there a bone saw in the house?
There you go.
Whoop.
What's going on here?
Yeah, I'm cutting him, I'm cutting, I'm cutting him.
Okay, okay, okay, oh no, no, no, go, no!
Sir, I am sorry, please do not sue the hospital for this.
Time to knock these ribs down.
Why is he losing so much blood?
Let me get the old school bone saw.
Okay, the hand goes up.
This is a weird way to do it.
Let's cut some bone.
No, come on, this is the right way to do it.
Argh, break those ribs.
Why is my hand covered in blood?
Chop, chop, no, no, no,
I don't need to chop his lungs.
This is the most frustrating thing I've ever played,
and I play Overwatch.
It's hammer time, 'cause our patient has only 800mls left.
He's basically dead.
No.
Yeah, cut those ribs, cut those ribs.
(hands slap)
I swear, real life is easier than this.
Brutal murder achieved in a mere
seven minutes and 32 seconds.
I feel like I need to give this a second try.
Hello sir, my name is Dr. Mike Varshavski.
Okay, I know what we have to do.
We're gonna raise it up first,
we're gonna angle it, and then go in.
Eh, there you go.
Okay, no we don't want to cut lung.
Bap, bap, bap, bap.
Whoop.
That looked like I was cutting the liver.
I am sorry, sir.
By the way, there's so many more ribs in the human body
than what's shown here.
Looks like there's like four ribs.
Okay, okay, let's get this breastbone outta here.
Let's take out this lung.
What is it stuck on?
Yeah, get that lung outta here.
Eh.
Okay, wait, my guy's dying, sorry.
I promise we don't have this much fun in the operating room.
No, it's not what I needed.
My finger's stuck.
Okay.
What is happening?
This is not realistic at all
and my surgical view is obstructed,
but I need to cut these ribs out, so, yeah.
Oh no, my patient has only two liters of blood left.
Oh no, wiggle it free.
(sighs)
And why did I kill my patient even faster this time?
All right, I got this.
If I got through med school,
I should be able to get through this.
Why is there a bottle of soda on the field?
We're gonna tilt his hand and pick up the sternum.
If this was real life I would've lost my medical license
like 20 times over again, okay.
Sir, I'm not even gonna say hi to you 'cause I'm a surgeon
and we don't say hello to our patients.
I'm just kidding, I love surgeons.
Now we don't wanna cut his stomach.
All right, the rib is broken.
Let's get this out of the way.
Yeah, boy, oh my watch fell off. (laughs)
You know, patients have actually--
Okay, my patient's dying, wait.
All right, the patient's liver is just floating out here.
Okay, let's get this out of here.
The right lung, let's get it outta here.
This is not the way you perform surgery.
Gently over the stomach and cut out, oh, look at that cut.
You know you like that cut.
That's a plastic surgery incision right there.
Get that esophagus outta here, bam.
Now I have the heart.
I think I'm cutting it out.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, the heart,
what are you, how did I lose the scalpel?
Is the heart loose?
The patient's bleeding out.
Looks like I'm murdering my patient.
Okay, let's try and get the new heart out.
I got the heart.
The heart is live.
Drop it in, oh, wait.
I did it! (triumphant horn)
I got a D.
Now I know why someone said, in a review of this game,
that this was a comedy.
Because literally all I did was
chop his incorrect number of ribs off,
as I chopped them off and threw his lungs off to the side,
which by the way weren't connected to anything
'cause I didn't cut the lungs out.
Proceed to butcher his aorta and pulmonary artery and vein,
and don't even take his heart out,
go into the transplant bin where the new heart is on ice,
and then chuck it into his chest,
and apparently that's surgery complete.
I can't finish off with a score of D.
Do you have hope for me?
Because I have hope in myself.
I think it's kind of rude to just start
bashing him with a hammer,
so I'm gonna go in and get this first.
See, I don't understand why it's taking
points away from me for this.
I'm cutting his lung a little bit, that's okay.
Free the lung.
There you go, lung is free, let's get it outta here.
This lung is just sticking outta his body.
I grabbed it like a football.
There you go, get it outta here.
My watch even came off, I'm so passionate about it.
All right, there's a lot of blood in the surgical field.
I'm just gonna go right for the heart,
see if that's a good way to do it.
Okay, heart.
Why is that not in?
Okay, I need to go in and make my final cut.
Okay, he's grabbing the scalpel all wrong,
and now he's causing my patient to die.
Oop, my patient has (laughs) a test tube inside of him.
This game is probably so much more fun in virtual reality.
Oh, it worked, I got a D again.
This game's really hard,
mostly because it's very poorly made
and it's clearly a comedy, it's not a real game.
I wanna continue playing more games,
I wanna do more reviews,
so if you're up for it, smash the Like button,
get this video to 20K likes, guess what?
I will make the video where I go out
and buy all sorts of board games, video games,
whatever I can find on the shelves
and play them on camera.
Stay happy and healthy.
(upbeat music)