- It just feels like this huge chunk of my life is gone.
The worst part is that I miss him.
And I don't wanna miss him
because he's happy somewhere else.
Four months ago, I was in a six-year long relationship
with someone I thought I would spend
the rest of my life with.
We met in Montreal in 2013 where we spent
our first two years together.
In 2015, we moved to Korea
and we spent our third year traveling around Asia.
After that we were in a long-distance open relationship
for three years.
It was a risk that we were willing to take
because we were committed to each other.
In April of 2019, he moved in with me in LA.
I thought we were finally going to be together,
but I was wrong.
After only two weeks of him being here,
everything fell apart.
He just left.
I spent six years with him
and then he fell in love with someone else.
It just hurts because I was so sure
that I was gonna be with him,
and it took us this long to figure out
that we're not right for each other
or that he's not happy.
The day he left was the worst day of my life
and I knew I had to do something about it
or else I would stay miserable and paralyzed.
So the first thing I did was reach out to friends
that have gone through a breakup.
What were things you did
to move on from your breakup?
- When my seven year relationship ended.
- I muted him on all my social media.
- Because I knew I needed time for myself.
- I decided to put all the things in one box.
- Write a letter, burn it.
- Got rid of everything that reminded me of him.
- To put myself out there.
- I took the first trip by myself.
- Dinner by yourself.
- I took up writing.
- I started to enjoy silence.
- One of those things was getting a septum piercing.
- It freed me from everything
and it made me happier.
- After talking with friends I decided
I need to complete three goals in order to move on.
Goal number one, give myself permission to feel.
I need to keep opening up and just talk about it.
It's just so hard to say goodbye.
Goal number two, accepting self.
I need to relearn to love myself
and do things for me.
Goal number three, saying goodbye.
I need to complete this task in order to move on
and just close this chapter of my life.
In order to complete goal number one,
give myself permission to feel,
I decided to speak with a life coach
in order to dive deeper and understand my emotions.
- When you think about what's keeping you kind of suffering
in the breakup, what's the main sticking point for you?
- He was confused and maybe if I've done something better
before, his judgements would be clearer.
Sometimes I feel like regretting pursuing my goals,
being here, and why wasn't he happy with me.
I was so sure that I wanted to be with him.
He was my best friend
and I felt like he knew me.
- I understand how painful this is.
You're making it mean a lot of things about you.
People make their decisions based on what's
going on for them more so than what's happening
for the other person.
You said something very key
about your relationship with him.
You said, I felt like I could be myself.
That part of you that push and be the best all the time,
that that softened a bit and you could just be you.
- Yeah. - That relationship had to end
so you can internalize this.
It's so hard to say goodbye
but it's so important to say goodbye
because the person that needs to accept you, Lilian, is you.
There's nothing you could have done differently.
This was the result that really was for your highest good.
- After speaking with Christine I definitely feel lighter.
I need to stop blaming and torturing myself
for something that is beyond my control
and just focus on loving and accepting myself.
Goal number two, accepting self.
For this one I knew I had to push myself
out of my comfort zone
and do things that scare me.
One of those things is to get my first tattoo.
My friend told me his story of traveling
and just getting tattoos after his divorce,
and that really inspired me.
So I wanna get a tattoo to mark the next chapter of my life.
This is my first one.
Are you down to get another tattoo
because I will literally fly out to New York
so we could get them together.
- [Mikhail] What tattoo are you getting today?
- I've been thinking of getting a moon phase tattoo
right behind my back.
This is my first tattoo, so I'm really nervous.
Does it hurt?
- People always overthink but
it doesn't hurt at all.
You're in good hands.
Ready?
- I'm ready.
The stencil's on and there's no going back.
- One, two, three.
- The pain is not that bad.
- You're gonna get hooked after this.
- This breakup made me think of the moon phase
and I thought that was perfect.
The moon changes as it's going through different phases
and it's just like how humans are going through life.
We just keep evolving.
- I feel like it's like a therapy for yourself.
Overcoming something big.
- People usually come if something happens
and they wanna have that captured.
Tattoo, in my opinion, is the only thing
you're gonna take with you.
- All right, we're done.
You can take a look.
- Wow.
I really like the details.
- [Ivan] Wow.
Looks very cute.
- Thank you, I love it so much.
- [Indira] Congrats on your first.
- It still hasn't sunk in.
Like I still can't believe it's there.
I'm so happy we did this together.
After that I wanted to push myself even more
and do a no makeup, nude photo shoot.
Why couldn't I give him what he was looking for?
It makes me feel like I'm worthless.
And I know it's not my fault.
I know I didn't do anything wrong.
I feel like this is a really important aspect
of what I need to learn after the breakup.
I definitely felt not good enough
or not pretty enough.
I had my hair up all the time.
Maybe I just don't put makeup anymore.
So this is really challenging myself
and trying to look beautiful without makeup
and my hair tied up.
I was worried that my photos would look flat.
Looking at the photos after it's been shot,
they look great.
The photo shoot helped me feel empowered
and in control of my body.
This is who I am and I shouldn't change that
for anyone else.
Goal number three, saying goodbye.
I decided to do a final walk in his neighborhood
and solo dine at the restaurant
where we had our first date at six years ago.
On my way to the restaurant
I stopped by his old apartment.
After work we would commute together
and walk to his apartment,
and even though right now this is not a place
that we would hangout,
this is still a place that means a lot to the relationship
and the stories that we've built.
I can actually remember vividly this place.
I only knew these places because of him,
so I felt anxious being there by myself.
We've only gone together.
I remember the tables have little drawers underneath
and there was a bunch of papers
that people have left poetry, little notes,
drawings, so I wanna go there
and I just wanna write something
that could be meaningful for someone else
that reads it.
So I wanted to write this note,
similar to what my friend's mom told me,
which really helped me process things.
She said, when you're in a five or 10-year relationship
and that ends when you're in your 20s or 30s,
it feels like the end of the world
because it's such a big chunk of your life,
but when you're in your 50s or 60s and looking back at it,
it doesn't feel as important because
there's so much more that you experience later on.
So I wrote, I realize it's the end of the relationship
and it feels like a really big deal right now.
But I'm excited for when it feels like a pleasant memory.
After I've lived more of my life,
our six years together will only feel like a fraction.
I'm glad I went to the restaurant.
It wasn't as awkward or as bad as I thought it would be.
I'm just glad I enjoyed myself
and I just wrote that message.
While I was sitting in the metro
I started to feel a little sad
'cause I started to remember him.
To remember us.
This reminded me that our relationship wasn't always bad.
There was a lot of happiness.
I don't regret meeting him
and I'm so grateful that he allowed me
to be a part of his life
for the time that we had.
After the whole experience of being back home,
it was really emotional
but it was also the closure that I needed.
This whole journey was very therapeutic
and I know that I am doing the right steps
to move forward.
I'm still sad, obviously, because I'm not over him,
and I know that takes time.
And all I know is that I am on the right track.
- [Interviewer] What would you say to him right now
if you had the chance?
- Although it would hurt to say goodbye,
I'm just so thankful and happy
that I had him in this chapter of my life.
There's gonna be a light after this tunnel
and we're gonna be okay.
If you are going through something similar,
this whole process sucks.
It's a really awful feeling
but it's a part of being human.
Don't let that paralyze you.
Just do the best that you can.
You'll eventually be in a much better place.
(uplifting music)