(Oh lord, here we go ) Well my young
conquering hero
times
a-wastin
Lead me to this furby
Paradise
Gotta style the long Furby with my outfit (the one and only boyporridge)
So a bunch of you guys messaged me about this movie called "Furby Island"
You sick weirdos. This thing is horrifying. The story, The writing -It's cliche. It's boring. It's bad
It's whatever but it's not a trainwreck. NO. What makes this movie
So incredibly special is the absolutely horrific
uncanny valley animation
My favorite scene probably in the entire thing is near the end where the big - the big bad guy is giving his 'haha
I am evil speech' and the voice actor is like
Relatively chill he's like you're
Australian
Dad evil Steve Irwin but who ever animated it was just not on the same page because it is so much
What kind of mistake? ( this animation is a mistake)
Bailey
Nobody knows about the Furby but me. I've been looking for him for twenty years
This is the subtle horror of 'Furby island'
I mean like this movie is one of those feature-length toy ads which in itself is a bit of a dystopian horror
But I don't feel like getting into that - Plus Who am I to talk?
My channel is basically just to recruit young blood to the cult of long furby, we all know this
welcome if you're new, by the way
(that smile says it all, imagine birthing that)
I Understand exactly why people sent me this movie
(Gotta put the mighty length in his spot safetly, good long furby care)
I reconnected with a friend recently who I haven't seen in a long time and who doesn't watch my channel and I was like - she was
Over here and I was like, are you sure you?
You haven't kept up with my online shanigans in anyway, and she was like, "yeah, I don't know like why ?"and so I -
Whipped out the Furby and she reacted with the primal horror that you would expect. It was fantastic
So Furby Island - so our protagonist is a 13 year old Eldritch horror named Maddie
She has no friends and spends all of her time on fan forums for a cryptid hunting TV show
So like big mood, love her. The host of the show is named. Dr
Conquest. Full legal name, dr. Reginald conquest "the infamous. Dr. Reginald conquest"
Never ever doubt the brilliance of Dr. Reginald Conquest again
I don't even know what -how- to cope with that. But that's a thing
So he's gonna be evil as you can tell from the name. Dr
Conquest but she doesn't know this she -she stans dr. Conquest. So
Dr. conqu - I hate saying that name. I hate it , it's the worst thing I've ever heard. Okay
Dr. Conquest (the pain is evident in her voice)
He's looking for this new cryptid called the Tortezard, which is a turtle. No a lizard with a tortoise shell
very creative stuff guys
So it's a lizard with a tortoise shell and it lives on this very specific obscure Island and in such a convenient turn of events
Maddie is on that island because her parents are scientists who are looking for a new plant there
So she's like "I'm gonna find that tortezard and dr. Conquest senpai is gonna notice me. It's gonna be great"
She doesn't ,but she and her brother instead find a Furby statue half buried in the sand and also your average
booby-trapped ancient temple ruins so
Intrigue! Her brother gets trapped in the temple and it's all very dramatic
But then in the next scene, he's just not trapped anymore and you never find out how he escaped. But in the meantime
We meet some furbies
I was actually quite curious what the portrayal of furbies was gonna be in this movie
Because like - like what kind of creature slash cryptid are they, like what kind of powers do they have?
What is like the general personality of them?
Cuz I, I you know, I dabble in the Furby community
I have one with quite a big social media following I just realized how weird that is. Yes
Hello, I have a social media famous Furby who I refer to as my son
The point is we I feel like the Furby community online has one conception of what furbies are
Furby culture if you will
So I wanted to see how this movie would compare - turns out
Not very well. The furbies in this movie are supposed to be very like cute and lovable and wholesome
I feel like it's very much trying to combat the whole like 'Furbies are evil animatronics possessed by the devil' thing
cowards (goth mom disapproves) so the most iconic scene in this movie
I assume because someone has uploaded it separately to YouTube - is the song
scene ? where the Furbies
sing a song in their Furby language and
That's -that's it. The fact that they sing is never relevant again
Also, one of them is somehow playing an instrument with its ears (impressed and perturbed)
honestly
I'm glad this movie faded into obscurity because this is some , this is some pretty bad furby lore , like we can do better
Were you watching dr. Conquest again? Did you stray away from the beach? (did you stray awaay from god's pathhh)
I don't like the teeth , something about the mouth
movements in this I feel like is what makes it so uncomf- like the teeth they just
eee you see it. You see the teeth. I don't like the teeth (Yet your podcast friend is covered in them?)
so the furbies have their own language and they're clearly very
intelligent because two of them go home with Maddie and her brother and just immediately learn English from watching the television also they have
Mind powers and can control human emotions
There's this one scene where they're like -the Furby is like creeping around the house at night like making all the family
Happy and they're like "wow. Everything is great"
"And I love everyone and I'm having beautiful dreams about Furbies" and I think it's supposed to be cute, but it's terrifying
It's terrifying. Also when the furbies are distressed like they get trapped in a jar and then later, dr
conquest comes and tries to kidnap them all but
Whenever they're distressed like Maddie feels sick, and she almost passes out at one point, but that's like fine
We just glaze over that for the most part. She's totally down to just get telepathically high on furbies
(goth mom's gay terror makes vid go black and white)
But anyway at this point she still stans Dr
Conquest so she calls him to the island and oh no
It turns out he's evil and wants to capture the furbies. I could never have guessed that from the fact that he's named Dr. Conquest
sooo
I Should stop saying it. I should just stop saying and I keep making myself. Say it anyway
He wants to capture the furbies so that he can get rich
I'm not sure how, we never find out exactly what his furby related get-rich-quick scheme is but that's the plan
He also is just like "yeah, you know the furbies eat people" and she's like " no they don't! They're nice and wholesome
and you're lying!" but she's known them for like a day
She has no proof! The furbies clearly eat people. What happened to the whole civilization of people that we're living on this island before?
Clearly they must have worshipped the Furbies because they were building
Statues and they were building temples with them carved on the walls
They lived in fear of these tiny all-powerful gods who ate their firstborn children
Clearly! Until one day they got sick of their oppression and rebelled and the Furby overlords had to eat them all also
I'm just I'm not over the mind powers. I'm not over it this all of this has such dark potential
I'm just picturing this dystopian
Society where everyone is hooked on Furby magic to make them forget that they're enslaved and forced to build monuments to these tiny gods who
Eat their children. I need to stop. I need to stop. I need to stop thinking about this before
This becomes a Furby Island fanfiction.
Dr Conquest runs around capturing the furbies and Maddie runs around freeing the furbies and this continues for a while. The Main
Furby character also gets crushed by four adult men after somehow pushing Maddie out of the way
Don't look son. Never mind. It's fine. This is a kids movie. So, Dr
Conquest chases her back into the temple ruins from the beginning and she like traps him in this whole booby-trapped thing
somehow she knew that pressing a certain button would just
Make a hole in the ground. So she traps him in this hole and he can't get out and he's like "oh shit"
"Please don't leave me here to starve to death"
And then she just does
She just leaves
She potentially just murdered a man via a giant hole in the ground and there is no moral conflict whatsoever
She just waltzes out of there like 'byeee', but now the bad people know that the furbies live on the island
So Maddie and her family have to take the entire Furby population with them and they leave
but also there's apparently furbies all over the world living in hiding so it's implied that they have to go and
Just travel the world saving furbies from now on. There was supposed to be a TV show continuing this movie
But that didn't happen (Thank fuck)
So I'm just going to assume the Furbies ate them all -the end. And then presumably enslaved all of humanity because you fools
Why do you think they were exiled on that island in the first place?
(chorus of cursed furby 'yays')
(Plane sounds as the furbies and the Maddie fam go to take over the world)
So that is
'Furby island'- poetic cinema at its
Finest and right here on youtube.com if you've got 40 minutes and a desire to suffer
This is just a very bad ,clearly very low effort, low production value kids movie
I'm glad that this is not the legacy of Furbies and that they have instead been adopted by the weird gay Tumblr kids
Um and longified.That spine creak. He's actually a very good neck pillow. After watching this movie
I I do have to sleep with a Furby in my room
However, I am in luck because he only eats terfs and homophobes and other other people of the alike
this is what I mean by our Furby lore is better. If you're not convinced that I am an absolute maniac, uh
Like and subscribe I guess
You can also support me on patreon if you would like and come hang out in our discord server
It's a lovely time and I just got a PO box
People on Tumblr have been joking about making some clothes for my son ,little hats are also appreciated
He will model them on Instagram if you send them. Thank you ever so much for watching. Oh my god
I just realized I'm wearing this shirt. I look like a maniac in so many ways today
(You're blessed by these captions obscuring some of the cursed animations)
(This outro of Patreon supporters is a nice break from the pain of viewing furby island and captioning this)
(Mlem)