I'm going to share with you eight harsh truths
that you need to accept if you're going to have a happy life.
Can you handle the truth? This little reality check might change everything for you. I'm Dr.
Paul Jenkins, I'm a professional psychologist. And here's what I've learned through three decades of
clinical experience. Truth number one. Not everybody is going to like you. Now I know from practicing
psychology all of these years that most people will see that truth and they'll say well, duh,
yeah, I get it. Not everybody's going to like me. But there's a sneaky little thought behind it
that gets us into trouble. And that sneaky little thought is and that's not okay. Yes, it is. It is
okay. Think about it for a minute. Do you really want everyone to like you? Now, I'm just like any
other human being. I like to be liked. It pleases me when people are pleased with me. And I want to be
the kind of person that people can like. But really do I want everyone to like me. You know I spent a
cup couple of years working in correctional facilities. I saw a lot of people come through
those correctional facilities whose lifestyle or ideas or practices in life were so drastically
opposed to the way I want to run my life. That do I really want all of the drug dealers for example
to really like me. No, not really. I'm okay with not being liked. Now, the fact that not everyone
is going to like you. I think we need to follow up with that sub-thought that says and that's
okay. Notice as you try that on just the kind of relief that it brings into your heart and
mind. Here's truth number two. Freedom is not free. There's way too much of an entitlement
mentality out there in our world today. You can have freedom, but freedom comes at the price of
personal responsibility. And the freedom that we enjoy in our life whatever country we live in is
because of the choices of people who have come before us and our own personal responsibility.
Freedom is not free. I think it's important for us to teach our kids this too. Because kids get
trapped in an entitlement mentality sometimes. Like the world owes them something, or their
parents are obliged to provide certain things for them. It's not true. And we're doing our kids
a disservice if we don't teach them that personal responsibility is the price for freedom. Freedom is
not free. Here's truth number three. You always have a choice. Let me clarify. Because you don't always
get to choose what happens to you or around you. Have you noticed some stuff just happens?
Doesn't it? What do you get to choose? You always get to choose your position or attitude related
to what's happening to you. This was taught very powerfully by Dr. Viktor Frankl who wrote a book
called Man's Search For Meaning. Now, the context is Dr. Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist during
the time of World War II, and he was also Jewish. Not a good combination during World War II. He
was captured by the Nazis. His entire family was extreme terminated. They were killed. And he alone
survived from his family to tell the stories later on. Well, he wrote in his book Man's Search
For Meaning that you can take everything away from a human being except what he called the
last of human freedoms to choose your attitude in any given set of circumstances. That's pretty
powerful Doctrine coming out of Auschwitz. We get to choose. And that's why we included it here is
truth number three. You always have a choice. Truth number four. Gets back into the psychology behind
happiness. And here it is. Your feelings are caused by your thoughts. Think about what I'm saying here.
Your feelings are caused by your thoughts, not by your circumstances. We have the ability as
human beings to create stories or narratives or to derive meaning from whatever our circumstances are.
So, notice that you come up with a story about your circumstances. Circumstances are neutral.
Let me give you an example of how this becomes reality. In one of our coaching sessions this
week a lady raised her hand to ask a question about an interaction she had with her husband.
And she came on and started describing that her husband had said these rude things to her.
Okay, that is a thought. Wait, Dr. Paul. You're saying that's a thought. He actually did say rude things
to her. No, he said certain things to her. The circumstances whatever he said, okay? Just kind of
like the weather report. Here's what he said. Rude things is adding meaning to it. Do you see? So, our
thoughts start to infuse meaning into our neutral circumstances and that determines how we feel.
That's one of the things that I get to work the hardest on with my clients as their coach. To help
them distinguish between circumstances, thoughts, and feelings. They're different. Whatever we think
creates our feelings. Our feelings determine how we show up. And then how we show up is what creates
our results and that becomes our new circumstance. You know I realize as I'm sharing these eight
harsh truths with you that I spend all of my time training people how to operate the equipment of
their own mind. There's a model that I share with all of my clients that helps them to get on top
of what I'm sharing with you here today. Go grab your copy of this model and a brief description.
I'll include that on a free PDF for you. Go to the URL on the screen drpauljenkins.com/themodel. I'll
put this in your inbox, and then it's going to make a little bit more sense to you. Let's get back to
those truths. Harsh truth number five. There is no perfect time to do anything. Sometimes we get in
our head that there will be, right? And we're waiting for the perfect time. Well, how do we
even know when that's here? In my experience, the things that create upgrades or improvements to
our life are unprecedented to us. Meaning, we haven't experienced it yet. So, we don't feel
comfortable with it. We're not used to it. We get to move forward just before we feel fully ready.
Because I'm not sure if we ever really do feel ready. There's no perfect time to do anything. Just
take courageous action and move forward. That leads me into harsh truth number six. Fear will keep you
from living. I remember interviewing an undertaker on my Podcast who said this on my mic. He said you
know, death is more universal than life. Because everyone dies, but not everyone truly lives. How
tragic. And why do we not? Because of fear. What is it that keeps you from doing the things that
you've been promising yourself to do or that you think you would like to do. Well, usually it's some
level of fear. Fear keeps us from living. And it's not that you can't do the feared thing. It's that
you won't. Because your brain will prevent you from doing it. Our brains are set up to keep
us safe and to prove us right. Those are the two basic jobs that our brain has. And if it detects
any kind of threat, something that you're not used to for example can look like a threat. Your brain
is going to kick in and try to protect you from that and keep you from doing it. That fear gets
in our way and is the number one barrier to success and happiness. Truth number seven. Your
expectations are what cause disappointment. Are you feeling any disappointment anywhere in your life?
It's because whatever is happening is not meeting your expectations. Well, which part can you change?
It's a lot easier to change an expectation than it is to change the world around you. I remember
one of my friends putting it this way. He's a therapist for years and came up with hey, you
can change your view or you can change your do. He called it view do and that's kind of cutesy. But
it really gets back to what we have control over and our expectations are one of those things. It's
your expectations that cause your disappointment. Now, I've got one more for you here today. A harsh
truth that you have to accept if you're gonna actually live a happy life. And that is you will
live the life that you create for yourself. This is a bit of a harsh reality for some people. Because
sometimes you look around your life and you think this isn't where I wanted to be. This is not what
I had in mind. This is not the life that I love. Well, it is. In fact, the life that you have created
for yourself. I'm not saying that you are to blame. In fact, I think blame is a victim mentality that
gets us stuck in unhealthy places. What I'm saying is that you've got the power to create and live
the life that you love or the life that you hate. Either way, it's your own creation. That's why
it's so important to really tune in to the ways that we can create that life. Now, as you wrap your
head around these harsh realities. Remember, I'm not leaving you hanging here. I already offered you a
model that is so important to understand about two processes that are going on in our own mind. If you
haven't grabbed it yet. Go get it, drpauljenkins.com/ themodel. And I'll give it to you for free so
that you can have the tool that will help you learn how to operate the equipment of your own
mind. Let's accept these harsh realities and move forward to create and live the life that we love.