-Hi, there.
In this video,
I'm going to share with you how to connect deeper
with your man through play.
[music]
-Hello, Mat Shaffer, your empowerment, connection,
and relationship coach.
I'm really excited about today's topic
as today we're going to talk about how you can use
play with a man to help him lower his walls,
really drop-in, and connect with you at a deeper level.
I'm excited to share this with you,
I do this with a lot of my clients who are dating
and in relationship and it always gets great results.
Before I do,
I'd love you to take a second
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Let's dive into this.
A really great place to start
is with one fundamental understanding,
and that is that all men no matter how old they are,
no matter how successful they are, what they've achieved,
where they are at in their lives,
all men are little boys at heart.
Every man out there has a young boy
within him who loves to play.
Every man has what I like to call a play drive.
He has a play drive, he has this fundamental drive
and need and yearning to play,
and when you can activate that, when you can turn that on,
you're going to get him to release everything
that he may have been holding on to
and you're really going to get him to drop into his heart
and connect with you at a deeper level.
It really is important for you to do this with a man
because one of the fundamental things that the masculine
is looking for from the feminine is to be set free,
to be liberated from all responsibilities,
to be liberated from our stress.
One of the most powerful ways you can do this
is by activating a man's play drive
and engaging in play with him.
I'm going to share with you some simple steps to help you
do that so that you can really connect deeper with him
and play with him in a meaningful way.
One of the first things you can do to really activate
a man's play drive,
and this is something you can do anytime, is to be open
and ready to tease him and also be teased by him.
Teasing is a form of play and it's something that men
have been doing for decades
especially when they were little.
They would tease their friends,
their friends would tease them back.
If they had a crush on a girl they would tease her,
they would pull her pigtails, they would stuff like that.
If you can get comfortable with a man,
and now, don't be afraid to tease him.
Don't be afraid to tease him, but also you got to be ready
and willing to get as good as you give.
What does this look like?
What does teasing a man look like?
One of the best ways to do it is to know your frame.
Your frame is all of your interests, it's what you're into,
it's your preferences, it's knowing your hobbies
and just all the things that you're into,
and then knowing his as well.
Whatever differences there may be between his frame
and your frame, say he's into baseball and you are not,
you have no understanding or interest in baseball,
be willing to tease him about baseball.
Be willing to ask him kind of a sarcastic question like,
"What is it about baseball that's so fascinating?
Is it the fact that you spend 95% of the game
standing around waiting for something to happen?
Or is it the fact that they scratch
their crotches every 30 seconds?
I'm just looking for the appeal here
I thought maybe you could tell me."
That's a good basis for teasing
in a playful, loving, and inviting way.
Look for differences between what you're into
and what he's into and then just playfully jabbing him
about it and be willing to receive his little jabs back
because this is all about getting out of that serious
sharing dynamic and being able to just poke each other
in a fun playful way.
Now, the next powerful step in being able to activate
a man's play drive is to find out how he likes to play
by asking powerful questions.
Different men depending upon their life experience,
depending upon how they're wired, how they grew up,
all of that stuff,
they're going to want to play in different ways.
Some men are going to be into sports,
some men might be into video games.
Every guy is going to have a different type of play
that he likes to engage in.
Some men might be into cards or gambling, who knows.
Whatever a man is into,
all men have some area in their lives
where they tend to be a little competitive,
where they like to play, and so you get to ask him,
you get to ask a man what kind of play is he into?
Where does he like to be competitive in his life?
Ask powerful questions and get familiar with that
and once he talks about what he's into, ask him,
"Hey, can I play with you?
Can we go out and do this sometime?"
He'll probably be, A, a little surprised, and B,
really excited to do that especially if it's something
that you're not necessarily very experienced at
or very good at because it's going to give him
an opportunity to teach you about it.
Whatever way a man likes to be competitive,
he's probably pretty experienced at it.
He's probably pretty good at it, and when you allow him
to teach you something, it creates a lot of polarity
with him because he gets to be that powerful,
educating force and he gets to teach you how to do something
and then you get to have some friendly competition
going back and forth.
Playing cards or playing some video games,
or doing whatever it is.
You'll be able to see as you're playing with him,
you'll be able to see his walls drop,
you'll be able to see him connect with you at a deeper level,
and you're going to see him soften up
and get out of his head.
Just being in that competitive framework
even if you're terrible, is going to be a lot of fun.
For example, if I'm dating someone, I love to take her out
and show her how to play tennis and give her
a little mini tennis lesson, and then we get to go
and we play a little tennis.
I'm happy to keep score and I love having
some light competition with her.
Of course, I've been playing tennis for years
and she's brand new but we do have a chance to play
and enjoy each other and have a little
light competition around it.
By allowing him to teach you and then compete with you
in something that he loves to do,
it's going to create polarity
and it's going to create deeper connection with him.
Another important step to activating his play drive
is to tell him how you like to play
and then invite him to join you in it.
The feminine is an inviting evoking force to the masculine
and you get to let him know,
"Hey, I'm pretty good at soccer and I'd love to go out
and play with you sometimes.
Maybe I can teach you a thing or two."
After you ask him and you get engaged with him
on what he's passionate about, what he likes to do,
and play with him in that way,
tell him how you like to play.
Maybe you can kick his butt in Super Mario Kart
and don't be afraid to tell him that.
This is something that I talk a lot about with my clients
especially if you're good at something.
Don't be afraid to challenge him,
don't be afraid to tell him,
"I think I'm going to beat you in this."
I know a lot of women are a little resistant
to being challenging to a man or to talk smack to a man
in any way because they don't want to come off as masculine.
I get that but I invite you to release that in this context
because within the context of play, you want competition.
You want to create a playful competitiveness
between you and your man.
It's okay for you to challenge him, it's okay for you
to stand in your power and say,
"I'm really good at tennis and I bet I'm going to beat you."
Because something you got to remember here
is that men love obstacles.
They see obstacles and challenges as value building.
By you challenging him, by you creating obstacles for him,
by you saying, "Hey, I'm good at this.
I think I'm going to beat you at it,"
you're actually building value in his eyes
and you're engaging him.
Just be willing to invite him to do the things
that you love to do and that you're great at playing,
and then be genuinely competitive with him on it.
If you beat him, you beat him and just be light
and be playful about it, don't be hyper-masculine
and hyper-serious, but also don't let him win.
Be willing to beat him if you can.
If you can connect with a man, see him as that little boy
that he is inside and really engage with him
at that play level, activate his play drive,
be competitive with him, ask him powerful questions,
and figure out how he likes to play and play with him,
allow him to teach you,
and then tell him how you like to play and then take him on.
If you can beat him, you beat him, and don't be afraid
to be sarcastic, don't be afraid to talk a little smack
and just get in that space with him
and play with his little boy.
You're going to see his walls drop, you're going to see him
connect with you at a deeper level,
and you're going to build a new type of intimacy
and a new type of appreciation between you.
I hope this video resonated with you.
If it did, take a second hit that little subscribe button
and I will see you next time on my YouTube channel.
Bye-bye.
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