(phone ringing)
Hello.
Dave, it's Oprah.
Oh, hey, what's up, girl?
Look, Dave, I'm pregnant.
Are you sure it's mine?
No, Dave, listen, it's yours.
What?
Just hold on one second.
(Dave) All right, look, Oprah,
I'm gonna fly to Chicago tomorrow, okay?
But I'm going to need you to send me a ticket.
I'll fly you out.
Oh, oh, oh, and baby,
could you have a limousine pick me up
at the baggage claim because I don't have
no cab money to get from the airport to your house.
Okay, sure thing.
Thanks, boo.
Oprah... I love you, baby.
I love you too, David Chappelle.
All right, I'm gonna go to work and tell everybody
the good news tomorrow, and I'll see you in Chicago.
Bye-bye.
Hey, everybody, I got an announcement to make!
Ding, ding, ding ding, ding!
I quit!
Oh!
Kiss my ass, everybody!
Excuse me, can I have a quick word with you?
Ah, kiss my ass.
Can you type a memo of that and send it around?
(chuckling)
I quit!
Dave, what's gotten into you?
Oh, Sally, it's not what's gotten into me,
it's what's gotten into Oprah:
My seed, son!
I'm rich, bitch!
Hey, hey, you know I never approved this.
Nobody ever listens to me around here.
I'm not dangerous!
At least I wasn't dangerous.
Aah!
Morgan?
Guys, I almost forgot...
remember your spirit.
(fart)
(laughing)
Oh, it sprayed.
I'll see you in Chicago.
♪ Well, we're movin' on up ♪
Bye, baby, have a good day at work.
Try to stay off your feet, boo.
♪ In the sky... ♪
(grunting)
(Oprah) Hello.
Hey, baby, how was the show?
Not bad.
Oh, this is Chung Lee.
Chung Lee, this is my baby's momma, Oprah.
Baby, hey, baby, you mind if I get a happy ending?
She didn't say no.
All right, I'm ready.
(Oprah) I'm home.
Hey, baby.
It's Bruce Lee's brother.
Hello, I love your show.
$7,000 an hour.
Sounds expensive, but I think
the safety of you and our baby are priceless, all right?
Check this out.
(both screaming)
Get away from Oprah!
(laughing)
(Oprah) Hello.
Hey, baby, how was the show?
Oh, oh, this is Felicia.
Felicia, this is my baby's momma, Oprah.
Mm-wah!
Be out in a minute, sweetie.
I'm just painting, finishing up.
Let me fill this out a little bit over here...
♪ Took a whole lotta tryin' ♪
♪ Just to get up that hill ♪
♪ Now we're up in the big leagues ♪
♪ I gettin' my turn at bat... ♪
Oh, snap!
Hey, everybody, it's the lady that made it all possible.
Give it up for my baby's momma,
Oprah motherfucking Winfrey.
What's happening, baby? How was the show?
Why don't you go ahead and run the bathwater,
and I'll come and put some salt in a minute.
I know your feet probably hurting.
All right, now, all right.
Hey, Steve, you mind pushing the button?
I'm gonna take it from the top.
♪ Fish don't fry in the kitchen ♪
♪ Beans don't burn on the grill ♪
♪ Took a whole lotta tryin' ♪
♪ Just to get up that hill... ♪
(phone ringing)
Hello? You again.
Look, Stedman, you gonna have to move on, alright?
No, fuck that, I don't care what y'all had.
She's having my baby, okay?
So you leave this family alone.
I love her!
Fine, whatever, bitch.
(Oprah) Dave, honey, who was that on the phone?
Baby, it's nobody.
It was for me.
Just go back in the bath.
Stedman Graham, if you fuck this up for me...
There you go! Yes, yeah!
You did it, boo, you...
What the fuck!
Nigga looks just like Dr. Phil!
Women are smart--
men are stupid.
Oh, shit!
Oprah, what about our dreams, huh?
Sorry, Dave.
What am I gonna do now? I quit my job.
Shit!