(Knocks on the door)
Ethan: Who is it????
Now ima strawberry
Ian: Ian
from iDubbbz.
Ethan: Oh hey dude, what's up? How are you doing?
Ian: I'm very good. I'm here to film the video.
Ethan: Yeah listen, there's a problem with the front door.
Ethan: Uhm, It doesn't open, you have to go around.
Ethan: There's a door on the back. Can you go around the house?
Ian: Yeah, uh, I guess so. Is there some sort of path?
Ethan: Yeah, yeah, no, it's really- it's very accessible.
Ethan: Ian, we're over here!
Ethan: Yeah.
Ian: Okay, well how-
Ian: How am I going to get up there?
Ethan: I've got a fire escape ladder.
(Ian groans)
Ethan: I don't know what to tell you. Uh, everybody comes up this way since our door broke.
Ian: Yeah, ok. That's fine.
Ethan: What did you just come from, a bar mitzvah? What's with the suit?
Ian: No, I just thought-
Ian: I don't know, you sort of live in a cla-*slips*-classy area
Ian: I figured that I care this up.. maybe we'd film a normal video.
Ian: Don't have to do any goofs or gags, but...
Ian: You know, obviously...
Ian: It seems like you're playing one on me.
Ethan: Are you here to sell me life insurance or are we here to make a comedy video?
Ethan: I don't understand the suit.
Ian: Listen, I got a really good deal on this suit. I wanna wear it in a vid, I figured this would be a good time...
Ethan: Hey, aren't you the dude who made me climb down a drain, uuh, a fucking stormhole?
*Flashback*
Ethan: Holy shit!
*Ethan Klein Cough™*
*Ian laughs over Ethan's complaining*
Ethan: It's a shame my front door doesn't work. It broke when you opened that manhole and made me climb in it.
Ethan: You didn't say anything about crawling down a fucking-
Ethan: And then my front door stopped working.
Ian: Oh yeah! Okay. Ethan: at the same time.
Ethan: at the saaaaame time. Ian: That's cute, that's real cute.
Ethan: Hold on, right there! let me throw the ladder down to you
Ian: Oh excellent, I'd really appreciate that! Ethan: Wait.
Ethan: Wait there ok?
Ian: OK CUNT! Yeah, ok.
Ethan: We're prepar- you know? We're a household that likes to be prepared so...
Ethan: Um... oh wow!
Ian: Yeah, just give it a drop dude.
Ian: It'd be nice if you got a solid ladder that didn't swing.
Ethan: You ok?
Ian: Well, yeah but... there's no more rungs to hold on to.
(Ian and Ethan grunting)
Ethan: Sorry about that front door dude. Ian: Oh yeah!
Ethan: Did you just get back from Bank America? Did you do a job interview to be a teller there or nah?
Ian: How am I going to get out of the house is my curiosity.
Ethan: The front door...
Ian: Oh, OH it-
Ethan: I'm just sayin' like, purple...on black. If you're going door to door trying to sell knives for example,
Ethan: it's not the most becoming color like, that's all I'm saying.
Ian: Can we just get into the filming already?
Ethan: Clearly you are not here to sell me knives.
Ian: No.
Ethan: But we are here for some business.
Ian: Mhm.
Ethan: Uhm.
Ethan: There is this video about this guy seeing colors for the first time.
(Logan Paul gasps)
Ian: I became very emotional after watching that video.
Ethan: You know I didn't actually watch it at all. I went on Social Blade,
Ethan: and I was moved. It felt like seeing colors for the first time on Social Blade.
Ian: Right. The primary color being green.
Ethan: Well it's weird because when I looked at the video and I saw that it-
Ethan: how many views and how many subscribers that it got him,
Ethan: I never thought about it until I watched this and saw his stats, but I also may be colorblind.
Ian: Yeah.
Ian: The only color I see is green.
Ian: It looks like a Disney Channel movie. Let's watch it.
Ethan: Yeah, let's check it out.
(Logan Paul makes a high frequency "note")
Morning LoGang! What's poppin'?
Yo, I hit those notes bro...
Today is the big day, like, could be one of my favorite days of the year.
Now, there's one main reason for that, ah...and the reason is-
NOT because I have two cameras hahaha hey, how u doin' camera number two?
Ian: He's so charismatic! I love him!(° ͡ ͜ ͡ʖ ͡ °)
Ethan: Do you know what I noticed about this shot here?
Not to hate on the guy, cause he's clearly fit, and that doesn't- like, I'm not jealous that he's like, fit and-
Ian: Yeah, I'm not jealous either.
Ethan: but, like, his ni- He's got like some big-ass ni-. He's like big nips. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ian: Yeah...
Ethan: Like, sometimes you just see a dude topless and you're like, "you got big nips dawg".
You could probably get some milk out of those!
Ian: I wanna suck the milk out of his tits. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Ethan: I wanna suck, like, I don't know if that's gay.
Ian: The thing is, he's tricking you, right? With the fluffy pink pants,
he's trying to make you think like- Ethan: Interesting Ian: Hey, not only am I jacked, dude
Ethan: You can breast-- you can actually get sustenance from my fucking juicy breasts.
Ian: Correct.
Ethan: Hila, is it gay that I wanna suck his tit?
Hila: Yeah, that's pretty gay!
Ethan: But it's like a-
Ian: Is it gay that we both wanna suck each one of his tits?
Ethan: *laughs*
Ethan: We can fucking one-two that shit! Logan, hit us up, dawg!
Logan: No the reason is.. oh wait! Did you.. you noticed the uh.. the pink pajama fluffy pants, yeah
not the reason either, but close, very close.
No, no my children. The reason goes much deeper than that.
Ian: It seems like he's in a.. in a bit of a rom-com always
*Ethan chuckles* That's a good..
Ian: And his buddy - yeah his buddy Zach Galifianakis comes over
and self deprecates, but he... Ethan: He always fucks.
Ian: He always fucks! Ethan: Zach never quite gets it but he is always fucking.
But one special girl - she broke his heart and he never forgot about her.┬┴┬┴┤ ͜ʖ ͡°) ├┬┴┬┴
Even though he fucks hot cuties every day, he never forgot about that one girl
who used to suck the milk right out of his tit.
*Ian laughs*
Ian: They used to 69 tits
*both giggling*
Ethan: Can you- OH that's interesting!/╲/\╭( ͡° ͡° ͜ʖ ͡° ͡°)╮/\╱\
Ian: Can you do that?
Ian: I wonder if lesbos do that.
Ethan: Is it physically possible? Ian: Wanna give it a shot?
Ian: No we're not doing that!
Ethan: Like I don't wanna do it but I'm just wondering if it's physi- like I don't think so.
Ian: Well, if you have big enough juggs dude
Ian: I think you can make it happen.
Logan Paul: Well I should probably tell you this: I'm colorblind.
And inside this box are glasses that will fix my color blindness.
Logan Paul: Ahhh!
Logan Paul: I've lived my whole life like not seeing certain colors
And the contents within this box are gonna help me see? WHAT?!
And today is that day.. WHAT?!
And you get to experience it with me..
WHAT?!
For this reason alone I wanna get 100,000 likes on this video
I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S CRAZY!
Last video I was like "Yo guys we can get 50,000 likes?" and the video got like 95,000 likes
We're so close to 100,000. Why don't we just get it?
So HIT that like button!
SMASH that like button!
Captain America: SMASH!
(¬‿¬)
DEMOLISH THAT SHI-
(HULK SMASH™)
(Psycho laugh)
Ethan: CAN WE PLEASE GET 100,000 LIKES (Ian does his mating call)
Ian: ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND! Ethan: DOESN'T GET 100,000 WE WILL END IT!
Ethan: WE WILL END IT, THIS VIDEO WILL BE ERASED!
Ian: WE'LL KILL YOU.
Ethan: WE WILL KNOW IF YOU DON'T CLICK THAT LIKE BUTTON! I WILL CHECK YOUR PROFILES!
ONE BY ONE! AND I WILL REPORT YOU! I'M A YOUTUBER HERO LEVEL 100
I WILL SHUT YOUR ACCOUNT DOWN AND I WILL SEND THE FBI TO YOUR HOME
I WILL PLANT CHILD PORNOGRAPHY ON YOUR COMPUTER AND I WILL SEND THE FBI TO YOUR HOME
IF YOU DO NOT LIKE THIS VIDEO!
Can we please shoot for 100,000? Ian: Please?
Ethan: Too strong of a sell or is that good? Ian: That was excellent!
Ethan: Do not ask me to like your video before it starts
or I will F-U-C-K-I-N-G straight up YouTube hero the FBI to your house on child pornography charges.
Ian: Well- You don't need to jump straight to child pornography Ethan: I am a YouTube hero 100, Ian
and if the next time you come to my house you will be climbing a ladder straight into
a fucking rape-me-in-the-ass prison for child pornography charges.
Don't step to me dawg
Ian: Ok..?
Ethan: I have powers!
Logan Paul: Alright so this test has been my nightmare ever since I was a kid and I first discovered I was colorblind
Basically they give you these little dots and they put a number inside and you have to guess the number -
Well not guess , hahaHA I was guessing
You-you uh you tell them what you see
I'm a "certain kind of colorblind" so for example I can see this
TWO
Nah thats three *Logan Paul's CRINGE DOUBLE DAB ALERT*
Ethan: Did you notice his pants match his nipples? Ian: Tha-That's true!
Ethan: I don't know if you knew that because you are colorblind. But your pants match your nipples.
*Extreme Logan Paul cringe alert!* *Ian giggles*
Ethan: That's kind of worth pointing out to the guy, the poor guy never knew :(
Cameraman: You don't see anything? Logan Paul: I don't see anything
Cameraman: It's a 4
Logan Paul grunts in frustration
Cameraman: That was also tough, yeah
Logan Paul groaning again
Logan Paul: I don't know! I DON'T KNOW!
*Earrape grunt*
Cameraman: So like your bird is just one color to you? *giggles*
Logan Paul: What?
Cameraman: Your bird is just one color?
Logan Paul: Yeah?
Cameraman: To you?
Logan Paul: What are you saying?
Cameraman: But, he is like 4 different colors. He is all of those colors:
he's orange, red, yellow-
Logan Paul: Maverick?
Cameraman: Yeah
Logan Paul: My bird?
Cameraman: Your bird Maverick
Or who's bird are we talking about?
Logan Paul: Maverick is yellow. On his whole body.
Cameraman: Oh man..
Ethan: Wait, I'm sorry. My bird is not completely yellow?
The bird that I've owned that I have a picture on on the wall that many people have come in and talked about and have conversations with this bird all the time
You're telling me he is not yellow, right now on vlog? I'm discovering that for the first time?!
Ian: The green on it's wing which has nothing to do with "his type" of colorblindness
He also sees that as yellow?
Ethan: And the little- there's a little blue tip at the tail as well
Ian: Yeah, but his bird is all yellow!
Ethan: He is solid yellow and... he almost got like threatening he's like:
Ethan: And if you keep fucking with me I will- I'm JACKED!
Ian: I will end you!
Ethan: I will fucking deck you right now dude!
Ian: I will squeeze my nipples till' I drown you in my milk
Ethan: You ready to get squirted on, bitch?
Ian: I think he's colorblind, HOWEVER, comma, I think he's playing it up to a degree that makes me think that
he might not actually just be colorblind, he might actually be also retarded *Ethan hums*
Ian: That's just my take on it *Ethan giggles*
Logan Paul's cameraman: Are we gonna see what you see?
Logan Paul: Could you edit the video for me and like, change the saturation?
Ethan: It's funnily enough he's still not wearing his shirt
Ian: Yeah Ethan: I don't know the fuck that is
Ian: He likes wearing that cause it's a quick rip off
If he ever needs to show off his- Ethan: That's probably fucking true Ian: Yeah
Ethan: He's just one button away from breastfeeding
Ian: Yeah, and at any point in time
Ethan: That's cool. I wonder if he when he breastfeeds does he say 'the juice is loose'?
Ian: He might say the juice is loose but it- I mean, yeah, he probably lactates juice
Logan Paul: YO!
Logan Paul's Cameraman: Did it work? Are you crying?
Ian: Are you crying, you little bitch? Ethan: (Fucking bitch) You bitch
Ethan: Man up dude.
Ian: Pussy, seeing color for the first time? Pussy!
I mean, red is kinda simliar to pink, so like, do you think he sees pussies, like all pussies, as brown?
Ethan: Just brown. It's like nasty. It's like going into a butt hole.
Ian: He don't know the difference between a butt hole and a pussy?
Ethan: It would probably, when he, if he ever watches his wife give birth,
it probably looks like she's just taking a shit. Ian: Fuck.
Ethan: And it all blends together he says. Ian: Yeah.
Ethan: So it's almost just like taking a shit.
Ian: Yeah, and then when he sees the afterbirth at the end, he's like...
Ethan: He's just like: We need to, can we get some baby-wipes in here?
Ethan: Clean this shit up.
Ethan: Honey are you pooping, or are you having a baby?
Logan: Huh, okay.. I'm about to put on these glasses, uh, that are gonna cure my color blindness, for the first time in my life.
*heavy, emotional breathing*
Ethan: There's one other thing, I, he just uploaded this other video two months ago here.
Logan: Lights! Everyone's probably wondering,
Logan, what about the lights that you bought at the store? You spent all your money on them,
700 dollars on 'em. Well, let me show you, let me tell you about the color blue...
Oh, red, I think it is - what about yellow? You guys like yellow?
What about a little green? How about green?
Purple? You guys like purple? Oh, yeah thats right baby.
I'm a motherfrickin' blueberry, duh.
Ohoho, now I'm a strawberry.
Let me tell ya 'bout banana!
Thank you guys for watching, and-
Ian: Wait!
Ian: Wh, where's his glasses?
Ethan: He's not even wearing his glasses, how could he see those colors?
Ian: That's very interesting. Ethan: Yeah, that's interesting, anyway.
Ian: Yeah, that's crazy, dude. Ethan: But anyway, let's go do the color test.
Ian: Yeah, color test. Ethan: Let's leave that there.
Ethan: This is a color blind test. *Downbeat piano music starts*
Ethan: If you don't see 25, you are blind- 25? Wait, what?
Ethan: I can't see anything!
Ian: All I see, is a bunch of green dots, and a bunch of orange dots.
Ethan: All I see is black, is the TV on?
Ethan: Why is the music so SAD?
(Ian starts screaming intensely)
*Cut to Logan Paul Vlogs getting angry at colorblindness test*
Ethan: I can't see it! I don't see it! It says if you see 5, you're color blind!
(Ethan loudly coughs) Ethan: Are you okay, dude?
Ian: No.
Ethan: FUCK!
(earrape)
(Ian screams while hitting bottle across furniture)
Ethan: Yo, what the FUCK, Ian? That's my shit! Ian: I can't see it!
Ethan: Stop fucking my furniture up, dude! Stop! You're fucking ruining my house!
Ethan: FUUUUUCK! I can't see the 25! What the FUCK? WHAT THE FUUUUUCK??!
Ian: W-w-w-wait, just wait for the next one. Can you see that?
Ethan: It turns out I'm ACTUALLY colorblind!
(Ian sighs)
Ethan: OH!
Ian: If I'm colorblind, I don't think I can make YouTube videos anymore.
Ethan: FUUUUCK
(Ethan coughs loudly)
Ian: Dude.
Ian: I'm wearin' a pair of glasses, I don't think I can get corrective lenses, you have a chance.
Ethan: I'm colorblind.
Ethan: I can't fly airplanes.
Ian: I can't watch my beautiful interracial kids' skintone.
Ethan and Ian: and I'll never see a sunset.
(Ethan and Ian breathing heavily)
Ethan: Oh my god...
(More breathing)
(Ian and Ethan heavy breathing)
(Ian starts to make choking sounds, Ethan is still breathing)
Ian: Ah! Ah!
Logan Paul: Haha, now I'm a strawberry.
(Ethan coughs)
Ian: Oh my god... Ethan: AAAHHHHH
Ian and Ethan: Ahhh!!!
(Ethan coughs)
Both: ohhh... ahhhhh.....
Ian: This is... I can't believe I've been missing this all these years.
Ethan: It's okay. It's kinda overrated. It's not that cool.
Ian: Yeah, to be honest, like, I need my normal glasses to be able to actually see it that well.
Ian: It's just kind of all a blur to me.
Ethan: The thing is that, um,
Ethan: I could see red this whole time, actually.
Ethan: So anyway, guys, um, if we could get, I don't know, what's reasonable for a video like this
Ian: I don't know probably-
Ethan: Two, three, 500,000 likes?
Logan: Mm... hahaha... ahh... thank you guys for watching, if you are not subscribed,
Logan: make sure to do that. Join the Lo-gang, double dab, and uh, like the video, remember, 100,000 likes,
because this, uh, is amazing.
Ian: Well, maybe for you alone, but since I'm in the video, let's shoot for 1,000 likes!
Ethan: Can we? Nah, that's- we can do better
Ian: Yeah? Ethan: Can we get ONE MILLION likes?
Both: 1,000,000 likes!
Both: Oh! Oh! Ahhh... aahhh....
Logan: Haha, now I'm a strawberry!
Both: Oh! Oh! Ahhh... aahhh....
(Ian grunts)
Ethan: I'm glad we could share this moment. Ian: Yeah, absolutely. Ethan: That was fun.
Ethan: One last look, before we go.
Ethan: It's not that good
Ethan: Definitely prefer without. Ian: Kinda foggin' up too. Ethan: I'm over it.
Ethan: Let's go back
Ethan: You wanna blaze? Ian: Oh, I'd love to smoke a joint. Lets get some marijuana cigarettes.
(Outro song remix plays) "Ethan Bradberry!"