>> Stephen: JON, I'M EXCITED!
I'M EXCITED!
THANKS, EVERYBODY!
I KNOW IT'S ALREADY THURSDAY BUT I CANNOT WAIT FOR NEXT WEEK
BECAUSE I'M SO EXCITED BECAUSE, NEXT TUESDAY, FOR THE PEOPLE WHO
DON'T KNOW, WE ARE GOING TO BE LIVE FOLLOWING DONALD TRUMP'S
VERY FIRST STATE OF THE UNION SPEECH, BECAUSE I CANNOT WAIT TO
FIND OUT WHAT THE STATE OF OUR UNION IS.
>> Jon: YES, GOING TO BE HISTORIC TO FIND OUT.
>> Stephen: COULD BE STRONG, COULD BE NACHO CHEESE, WE DON'T
KNOW, CHOCOLATY, WHATEVER MOOD HE'S IN.
>> Jon: YEAH, RIGHT, RIGHT.
>> Stephen: I'M ALSO EXCITED GWYNETH PALTROW IS HERE TONIGHT.
EVERYONE KNOWS I'M A HUGE FAN OF HER AND HER LIFESTYLE BRAND,
GOOP.
( LAUGHTER ) AT GOOP, YOU CAN FIND EVERYTHING
YOU NEED FOR A LIFE OF ELEGANT WELLNESS, FROM DETOX RECIPES, TO
BEAUTY TIPS, TO AN $84 WATER BOTTLE WITH AN AMETHYST CRYSTAL
INSIDE TO INFUSE WATER WITH POSITIVE ENERGY.
JUST BE CAREFUL WHEN YOU DRINK, OR YOU COULD INFUSE YOUR TRACHEA
WITH A BIG ROCK.
( LAUGHTER ) AND THIS WEEKEND, GOOP WILL BE
HOSTING A WELLNESS SUMMIT-- "IN GOOP HEALTH."
RIGHT HERE IN NEW YORK CITY.
THE SUMMIT IS GOING TO FEATURE "CUTTING-EDGE PANELS,"
"MIND-BODY-SOUL CLASSES," AND "A HALL OF EXPERIENTIAL
ACTIVATIONS."
AND IN CASE OF EMERGENCY, A "FIRE ESCAPE OF METAPHYSICAL
FREEDOM."
( LAUGHTER ) AS YOU MAY KNOW, GOOP'S SUCCESS
INSPIRED ME TO LAUNCH MY OWN CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE BRAND,
COVETTON HOUSE, WHERE EACH PRODUCT IS LOVINGLY HANDCRAFTED
TO ACCEPT YOUR CREDIT CARD.
WHICH IS WHY I'M THRILLED TO ANNOUNCE THAT COVETTON HOUSE
WILL BE TEAMING UP WITH GOOP AT THEIR NEW YORK SUMMIT TO BRING
YOU AN EXCLUSIVE LINE OF ASPIRATIONAL, MEDICALLY-ADJACENT
PRODUCT-PROTUNITIES.
FOR A SNEAK PEEK AT THE GOOP-COVETTON COLLECTION-- OR
"CO-VOOPETTON" AS GWYNETH'S LAWYERS HAVE ASKED ME NOT TO
CALL IT-- JOIN ME NOW, IN COVETTON HOUSE!
>> BAROQUE SIMPLICITY.
SHABBY ELEGANCE.
GIVE ME MONEY.
COVETTON HOUSE.
>> STEPHEN: HELLO.
WELCOME TO COVETTON HOUSE.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) A PLACE WHERE PEACE REIGNS, AND
PRODUCTS ARE BEAUTIFULLY LIT.
SPEAKING OF...
AHH.
( SOFT MUSIC ) YOUNGER.
COVETTONIANS, I HAVE AN INCREDIBLE TREAT FOR YOU.
JOINING ME NOW IS THE MOST INFLUENTIAL FIGURE IN BRANDED
LIFESTYLES-- PLEASE WELCOME THE EMPRESS OF GOOP HERSELF, GWYNETH
PALTROW!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) OH, MY GOD!
AMAZING!
OH, MY GOD!
INCREDIBLE!
PLEASE!
OH!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) PLEASE!
OH, MY GOD!
I NEED SUNSCREEN ON THIS SIDE OF MY BODY BECAUSE YOU ARE RADIANT!
WELCOME!
WELCOME, GWYNETH!
>> NAMASTE, STEPHEN.
>> STEPHEN: NAH, WE'RE BOTH GOING TO STAY.
( LAUGHTER ) I AM SO INFUSED WITH GRATITUDE
THAT GOOP HAS INVITED COVETTON TO PARTNER WITH
THEM FOR YOUR HEALTH SUMMIT THIS WEEKEND.
>> YES, BUT WE'RE NOT PARTNERING.
WE PREFER THE TERM "CONSCIOUS COUPLING."
>> STEPHEN: OF COURSE.
OH, WHERE ARE MY MANNERS?
YONI EGG?
>> I'M GOOD.
>> STEPHEN: SUIT YOURSELF.
I'VE HAD FIVE TODAY.
LITTLE HARD TO CHEW, BUT MAN, DO THEY WORK.
>> YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO EAT THOSE.
>> STEPHEN: THAT EXPLAINS THE HEIMLICHS.
SO, YOUR GOOPSHIP, TELL ME ABOUT THE SUMMIT.
>> IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZING.
WE'RE FEATURING AYURVEDIC TREATMENTS, MAGNETIC
ACUPRESSURE, AND FACIAL FITNESS EXERCISES.
>> STEPHEN: OH, MY GOD, MY FACE HASN'T WORKED OUT IN MONTHS.
>> TELL ME ABOUT IT.
MY FACE'S ASS IS TOTALLY SAGGING.
>> STEPHEN: I WASN'T GOING TO SAY ANYTHING.
HYDRATE?
MM-MM-MM, SO GOOD.
MINE'S BEE POLLEN, KALE, AND TWO PUMPS OF HORSEY SAUCE.
WHAT'S YOURS?
>> MATCHA, CHIA SEEDS, AND TEARS SHED BY BUTTERFLIES DURING
OPRAH'S GOLDEN GLOBES SPEECH.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: THAT SOUNDS
AMAZING.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) IS THERE ANY WAY, COULD I TRY?
>> ARE YOU MORTAL?
>> STEPHEN: I THINK SO.
>> THEN IT'S NOT SAFE FOR YOU.
>> STEPHEN: OKAY.
BACK TO THE SUMMIT.
I UNDERSTAND YOU'LL ALSO HAVE A SOUND BAR FOR BINAURAL
MEDITATION?
>> YES.
YOU CAN LISTEN TO TWO SOUNDS SIMULTANEOUSLY, TO ACHIEVE A
MEDITATIVE STATE.
>> STEPHEN: COVETTON WILL HAVE ITS OWN BINAURAL MEDITATION
EXPERIENCE.
MAY I DEMONSTRATE?
>> YEAH.
>> STEPHEN: CLOSE YOUR EYES.
IN ONE EAR-- WE'LL PIPE IN THE CALMING SOUND OF THE HUMPBACK
WHALE.
( HUMPBACK WHALE SOUND ) WHILE, IN THE OTHER EAR-- I'LL
PERSONALLY REPLICATE THE CALMING SOUND OF THE HUMPBACK WHALE.
( MAKES WHALE SOUNDS ) ( LAUGHTER )
IS IT WORKING?
DID I CLEAR YOUR MIND?
>> YES.
BUT FOR SOME REASON, I'M HUNGRY FOR KRILL.
>> Stephen: HMM, THAT MEANS IT'S WORKING.
( LAUGHTER ) LET'S MOVE ON TO THE ONE THING
OUR LIFESTYLE BRANDS ARE REALLY ABOUT:
BRANDED MERCHANDISE.
>> HAPPINESS.
>> STEPHEN: YES.
HAPPINESS.
( LAUGHTER ) WILL THERE BE ANY NEW GOOP
PRODUCTS AVAILABLE AT THE SUMMIT?
SOMETHING NEW WE HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE?
>> ABSOLUTELY.
I'M VERY EXCITED ABOUT OUR NEW LINE OF BATH SOAKS-- SALTS,
BOTANICALS, AND OILS TO NOURISH THE BODY AND THE SPIRIT, AND
THEY'RE ONLY $35.
>> STEPHEN: THAT SOUNDS GREAT.
BUT I CAN GET YOU PRIMO BATH SALTS ON 11TH AVENUE FOR, LIKE,
SIX BUCKS.
( LAUGHTER ) FREE, IF YOU'RE WILLING TO MAKE
A FRIEND.
( LAUGHTER ) >> ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT DRUGS?
>> STEPHEN: YOU A COP?
YOU HAVE TO TELL ME IF YOU'RE A COP.
( LAUGHTER ) >> BUT, YOU KNOW, STEPHEN, JUST
REMEMBER, WELLNESS IS NOT ONLY ABOUT CLEANSING YOUR SOUL.
>> Stephen: IT'S ABOUT STEAMING YOUR VAGINA.
>> NAMASTE.
>> Stephen: NAMASTE.
NAMASTE.
YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) GETTING THOSE EGGS IN THERE,
GETTING THOSE EGGS IN THERE.
DO YOU FEEL IT'S WORKING?
>> OH, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YEAH, YEAH.
( LAUGHTER ) MM-MM-MM --
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
FINALLY, GWYNETH, LET'S GET TO THE ONE PRODUCT EVERYONE WANTS.
>> A ZERO-CALORIE BEER THAT TASTES LIKE MELTED CHEESE?
WE'RE WORKING ON IT.
>> STEPHEN: GOOD.
BUT I'M TALKING ABOUT WHAT YOU USE TO GET THAT UNIQUE,
ONE-OF-A-KIND GWYNETH GLOW.
>> WELL, STEPHEN, IT'S ABOUT A HOLISTIC LIFESTYLE: NOURISHING
THE BODY AND SPIRIT, DAY IN AND DAY OUT.
>> STEPHEN: UGH.
I WAS HOPING THERE WAS SOME KIND OF MAGIC FACE CREAM.
>> OH, YOU MEAN THIS?
>> STEPHEN: LET ME SEE THAT!
WAIT, WAIT, HOLD ON.
THAT STUFF IS FAR TOO POWERFUL FOR YOUR KIND!
>> STEPHEN: I'M GOING TO LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!
I CAN FEEL IT WORKING!
>> STEPHEN, I THINK YOU MIGHT'VE USED TOO MUCH.
>> STEPHEN: HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU LOOK AMAZING!
( LAUGHTER ) >> STEPHEN: GWYNETH PALTROW,
EVERYBODY.
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH HER!