Mr. Barnes! um good morning how are you?! how was your weekend? Did you have a good
time? how's your wife doing? I haven't heard
you talk about her for a while how most people speak to their superiors in the
workplace or their boss is disgusting and the problem is when you're making
these errors what you're telling your boss when you talk to them the way that
I just demonstrated is I am so far underneath you
I put your social value so much higher than mine and as we all know the most
important thing is how you view yourself I view myself so much lower don't be mad
at me be nice to me throw a boy a bone that's what you're
communicating do you think dudes like that get promoted no people think it
makes me actually very sad because people are trying to do the best they
can right they're trying to act in a way that they think is gonna get their boss
to number one like them and number two not anger them and they think that that
is what's gonna get them familiar we go around with a very unbiased eye around
your company and if you work for a big company and look at the people who have
been promoted the most quickly okay they're not people who speak to their
boss like there's some deity from up above in fact I would be willing to
guess that every once in a while they use a bit of a tone that may surprise
you that may be considered a little bit too aggressive for speaking to disappear
but what are they communicating I'm on your level they're not being rude it
seems rude to most people and you can definitely go too far and be rude but
they're not being rude they're using what's called a neutral tonality all
that's communicating is we're on the same playing field I have something to
offer I'm not gonna walk on eggshells because I'm around you because I know I
have value worst case scenario I'm gonna be okay you want to can me that's fine
I'm gonna end up someone else on my feet I know my value here and you hear the
tone that I present that with hey mr. Barnes how was your weekend I heard you
were going out to Austin last weekend did you have a good time did you take
your wife with you it's much different than mr. Barnes did
you have a good weekend did you take your wife with you same
line only thing that's different is the tonality now tonality is something you
really need to understand I have to have program coaching that more more deeply
if you're interested but what you need to do is understand the way that you are
actually sounding to the other person and it can be a small tweak you know
that little raise and octave for mr. Barnes how was your weekend - mr. Barnes
how was your weekend if you look at that from a wav file it's a slightly
different it's a slight difference but when it comes to what it's communicating
it's polar ly opposite so what I would ask you to do is in your mind so may
sound kind of goofy there's a lot of value in this in your mind imagine that
you're speaking to your boss or your superior or someone that you feel like
you may be using a bit of a weak tonality with and record your voice of
an imaginary situation so how would you say hello to mr. Barnes and then listen
to that audio and see how you really sound and try to be unbiased and if you
really want to take it to the next level have somebody else listen to it and say
in your mind how do you feel like the person I'm talking to is positioned
socially compared to me how much social value do they have how confident am I
around that person and get their honest opinion and most likely I would be
willing to say 90% of the time you're gonna be using a much more supplicated
tonality than you think a much more like me don't hate me don't
be mad at me you're so much higher than me and the
sad thing is that you're telling this person to treat you that way
even if they respect you even if they're like man barons got a lot of great ideas
he's got a high intelligence he's really ambitious and then you come to him
hey mr. Barnes how was your weekend his subconscious is saying uh barren maybe
isn't that confident you know you know we know more about ourselves than anyone
else so bear knows in this company knows he's smart he knows he's got these
things going for him why does he feel like he has to talk to me that way I'm
not really worried about it but you know definitely not gonna think about him the
way I did before that's all going on subconsciously in there
mine so be very aware of yours and mine and any humans tendency to speak with a
supplicate of tone when we're around people who are of higher status us and
realize it's doing us identify and by adventure much putting a dent in that
mint and if you can correct that you're gonna be one of the few people
remembering that 90% of people do speak like that to authorities
you're gonna mend a few people that does it and their subconscious can be like
man that barons competent you know he does seem pretty smart now he's the kind
of guy who could rise and could could could show leadership you know he's kind
of a natural leader I'm not sure why it's that small change in tone if you
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