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- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Goers, welcome back to our channel.
Thank you all so much for the love that you've given us.
Your ongoing support has helped us make psychology
and mental health more accessible to everyone.
So, thanks again.
Now, let's begin.
It's the first day back at school after summer break.
You're sitting in homeroom class
and scoping out the room to see
if any of your classmates have the potential
to be your new friend.
Or, maybe whoever sits down in the seat next to you will be
your new best friend.
Anything could happen!
The possibilities are endless.
The next day, you're still hoping to make friends
but no one has approached you yet.
You hold out hope for all that first week of school
and maybe even the first month.
But then you realized that all of your hope
in making friends is dwindling because it seems
you haven't made a good enough impression on anyone.
And you start to wonder, "Do people like me?"
Well, odds are they just haven't gotten to know you
and don't even know yet what makes you great.
We all have individual qualities
and gifts that make us unique.
You may just need to develop some more likable habits
that will get others to notice you enough
to wanna find out more about you.
So, here are some habits that can make someone like you.
Number one, call them by their name.
You know how you perk up at the sound of your own name?
Say you're at a party
and someone across the room mentions your name.
Instead of calling you out with a hey you,
they call you over by your name instead.
You immediately take notice and head over to them.
We are so familiar with the sound of our names
that we can pinpoint our names being spoken
in a large crowd, like at a party.
This is a form of selective attention
and is related to the cocktail party effect.
While you're in a loud or crowded room,
you can hone in on specific conversations of your choosing.
More importantly, if your name is spoken nearby,
you immediately perk up
and recognize that someone is talking about you.
This gives you greater focus and intention
on whoever is speaking to you,
and it might make you feel good
knowing they actually remembered your name
in the first place.
When you use and remember someone's name in conversation,
it's a good tip for making a good first impression.
Number two, give out genuine compliments
when you happen to see them.
Everyone loves compliments, and you can probably tell
when someone's being genuine about them too.
Next time you meet someone
and you happen to notice something you like about them,
go ahead and tell them about it.
Wouldn't you like to know
if someone is thinking nice things about you?
Did you also know that the very traits
you describe in others are also attributed to you?
This is called spontaneous trait transference,
and it occurs when communicators are perceived
as possessing the very traits they describe in others.
According to several studies published
in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
researchers found that when you describe someone
with a certain trait to another person,
that person will associate you with the described trait.
So, you are what you say.
Number three, make some time to spend with them.
One of the more obvious but no less important ways
to get someone to like you will be to try
and spend some time with them and get to know them.
Sit with your new classmate at lunch.
Or when you're at work,
treat one of your coworkers to some good coffee.
This is practicing what is called the more exposure effect,
where the simple act
of being around someone makes you more likable.
According to the psychological study by R.B. Zajonc,
the more exposure effect is a psychological phenomenon
in which people find themselves preferring someone
or something simply because they developed familiarity
with them.
When you are repeatedly exposed to a certain stimulus,
you develop familiarity with that stimuli,
and therefore prefer that certain presence.
This is why certain products
and ads are constantly being repeated
during your favorite programming's commercial breaks.
The more familiar you are with something,
the more you'll start to notice it.
Therefore, the more they'll take notice of you.
Number four,
talking about your blunders makes you
more relatable and approachable.
You may think that you have to look
and act a certain way to attract others towards you,
and think you need to strive for a sense of perfectionism
and put that on display.
How could your friend possibly like you
if you don't ace every single test?
How can others properly admire you
if you're not on top of the latest fashion trends?
In actuality, most people don't care that much,
contrary to what you might think.
People usually find perfectionism intimidating
and think it to be distant or unattainable.
Exposing your flaws can actually be more attractive to them.
In one study,
researcher Elliot Aronson had people rate fake test takers
based on their attractiveness.
The test takers could either be rated
as great, mediocre, or poor.
But there was a twist.
Some test takers were told to act clumsy
and spilled coffee at the end of their interview
after their scores were revealed.
People who have participated
in the study rated the more clumsy test takers
as highest on the attractiveness scale.
As the research paper states,
"a superior person may be viewed as superhuman
and therefore, distant;
a blunder tends to humanize him and, consequently,
increases his attractiveness."
Poor test takers, mediocre test takers,
and even great test takers were all still rated lower
than the superior test takers who scored great
and also spilled their coffee.
People wanna see your human side.
When you show you're capable and yet still relatable
as a human being who makes mistakes,
you're seen as more likable.
Number five, having a positive attitude is more attractive.
You know that one nice person
who always has the kindest, most positive things to say?
Don't you feel an aura of happiness and peace
when you're around them?
They don't complain all that much,
and when they do, it's usually warranted.
They seem to emit this bright, positive energy
that has others gravitating towards them,
like a moth to a flame.
A research paper
from the University of Hawaii and Ohio State University
suggest that most people can unconsciously tell
what mood you're in when they happen to be around you.
If you display positive emotions,
others in your circle are likely to mimic
your positive facial expressions and gestures.
Therefore, they're likely to feel positive emotions
when they're around you and wanna see you more often.
When you're a positive person,
others will like your company,
and ultimately, like you as a whole.
Number six, you actively listen
and let others fully express themselves.
As much as we love to talk about ourselves,
it's important to remember
that others wanna talk about themselves too.
Harvard researchers discovered
that in one of five conducted studies,
people naturally like to talk about themselves more.
Subjects went into an fMRI machine
and responded to questions
about their personal opinions on a subject
and questions about another's thoughts.
When talking of their personal opinions,
regions of the brain associated with reward
and motivation were most active,
as opposed to when they talked about others.
In fact, the need to talk about yourself is so strong
that in another study, some subjects even declined money
just to talk about themselves more.
So, go ahead and let your new friend talk
about themselves for a while.
They'll enjoy their time around you more
due to the increase in dopamine.
Next time you're aware that you've been talking too much,
try to remind yourself the other person is dying
to express their opinion just as much as you are.
Are you gonna go ahead
and try these tips and tricks out on your new classmate?
Or do you possess some of these likable habits already?
Wherever you are on the scale, you should try them out
and see if you make any new friends.
Come back and tell us about what happened
in the comments below.
Please like and share this video if it helped you
and you think it could help someone else too.
The studies and references used are listed
in the description below.
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And thank you for watching.
We'll see you next time.