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Let's think to ourselves for a moment.
How many of us feel completely ourselves at work?
>> [LAUGH] >> If you did not
immediately jump to a yes answer to that question,
then you are like a lot of people in the working world.
And even if you did think yes, chances are, you will be leading or
managing others who will not answer that question in the same way.
So we all have something to learn about tailoring our communication to our
identities, wherever those identities may be.
And, identities in the workplace are increasingly important.
Studies are showing that job seekers look for more diversity of identities and
inclusion at work.
And studies also highlight problems.
For example, according to one study, 1 in 3 women do not feel comfortable
expressing contrary opinions at work without fear of repercussion.
So we have work to do.
To help us better tailor our communication to our identities,
we draw lessons from Communicate with Mastery, by JD Schramm.
In chapter six of the book, he lays out a framework that leaders can follow to
authentically communicate to fit their identity.
We call this the four C's, clarity,
confidence, competence, and connection.
As leaders, we need to hit on all four of
these to authentically leverage our identities in our communication.
I will start by talking about clarity, and why clarity is essential for
communicators of all backgrounds, but
also why I have found clarity to be particularly important to me as a gay man.
Clarity is simple.
It's really about choosing words and
saying them in a way that removes doubt and ambiguity for your audience.
To improve our clarity, there are a few rules we can follow.
The first is to be mindful of the diversity of your audience.
If you're leading a team that has no university backgrounds,
some of the expressions you might be comfortable using in
corporate America will not resonate with everyone.
For example, if you work at professional services, you may have heard people say
things like, let's just run it up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes it.
A much better way to make the same point would be to say,
let's check with upper management and see what they think of our idea.
So you want to be careful about using idioms
that will not make your message clear to everyone on your team.
Second, use concrete and specific language instead of pronouns and generalities.
When I first started working in consulting,
I had a partner who used to say that pronouns are poison.
When I would present to him and use a pronoun he would stop me and
he would say, wait, who is it, or who are they?
And after many rounds of this, I got his point.
In speaking, when you throw around so many pronouns, and you can see this,
your audience will quickly lose track of what you're saying, and
your clarity will plummet as a result.
So your audience will thank you if instead you avoid some of those pronouns, and
use concrete and specific language instead.
Finally, speak with certainty.
If you say to a member of your team, hey, it would be kind of nice to have
a copy of that report on my desk by Friday, what does that even mean?
>> [LAUGH] >> Is it due on Friday?
Is that not due on Friday?
When we use hedging language, like perhaps or maybe, or
sort of, or kind of, we make our message much less clear to our audience.
So again, let's do our audience a favor and
speak with certainty, this way our message will be more clear.
The report is due on Friday.
>> [LAUGH] >> I have found clarity to be
particularly important to me and my identity as a gay man.
Before the GSB,
I was working overseas in a country with less than stellar LGBT productions.
And when I was talking to a government official,
our conversation got into personal chit-chat territory.
He asked me whether I had a girlfriend back home.
I thought about what to say.
I decided to say no, I have a partner back home, and I emphasized that word.
To my appreciation he understood what I meant, and
he proceeded to ask me about my partner back home in Seattle.
In this instance, one conscious choice of clear language
helped me to make a more productive and authentic relationship with this official.
So I hope that this gives you some techniques to follow to improve
the clarity of your communication.
I'll now pass it to Ajay to speak to you about confidence.
>> If a voice in you says, you cannot paint,
then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.
That's been some mango.
Now, we cannot all be master painters realistically, but we all owe it to
ourselves to reach our full potential, and to step into our power.
Especially as the woman in the audience,
too often we get perpetually underestimated.
So here are a few strategies to help us build and project our confidence.
Strategy number one, be courageous and step up.
Women research has found out that, women are very, very unlikely to apply for
a job until they feel they're 100% qualified.
Whereas men feel a lot more comfortable applying,
even when they have just a few of the qualifications.
>> [LAUGH] >> And, let me tell you, this holds true,
even here at the Stanford GSB.
Recently a female classmate of ours reached out to me and
asked me for help with her application for a venture capital job.
A few days later she told me that the deadline had passed, but
she hadn't applied, because she felt like she was underqualified.
So, this is the best business school in the world.
And this woman had come from a top consulting firm, and even she had such,
such strong doubts about herself.
So, women in the audience, and the men who are our allies, let's make
a commitment to each other to have a seat at the table and apply for that job.
Strategy number two.
>> [LAUGH] >> Manage interruptions.
>> So, as you can see, women get interrupted disproportionately often.
And so, Francis Frait from Harvard has a great strategy for
us when we anticipate being interrupted.
Make your point at the very beginning of the story, so when you do get interrupted
you're still going to get credit for having made that point.
And when you do get interrupted,
our friend Allison has a great strategy to deal with it.
Which is with humor, for example-.
>> And you can sit at the table very confidently, remember.
>> Thank you, Leila, that's a great point,
it was also a great point when I made it 10 minutes ago.
>> [LAUGH] >> Strategy number three,
reduce the apologies.
Again, as Allison has taught us, women too often start and end a conversation with
I'm sorry, but there's no point for us to apologize unless we're actually sorry.
And, as long as we feel like we have a valid point,
we should feel comfortable taking space in the room.
For example, if there was an act of fire, hypothetically speaking, excuse me,
may I have a moment, is not the right opener.
>> [LAUGH] >> An alternative, and potentially life
changing exchange will be, hey, there was an act of fire, let's go.
>> [LAUGH] >> And with that I'm going to pass it over
to Leila to talk about competence.
>> Confidence without competence is a little bit like icing without cake,
delicious, but it's probably not something that you wouldn't want to serve at your
dinner table.
A few years ago at work, I got feedback from my boss,
He said that I wasn't doing a good job of demonstrating my competence.
Why?
Because I speak pretty confidently relative to other women.
So it was difficult for people to distinguish when I was strongly stating
hypotheses, versus stating facts that I had done a lot of research on.
So, how do you make sure that you actually demonstrate your competence,
while also remaining true to your identity?
Our two main levers, doing good work, and actually doing good preparation.
Good work is relatively straightforward, do your homework,
put in the time to prepare on topics that you're speaking about.
Good preparation is much more nuanced.
Because it first requires you to understand the biases that your audience
will have about you because of your identity.
Then, it requires you to actually deliver the message that you want to send
while remaining true to this identity, and staying authentic.
You can do this with three kinds of speaking tools, local tools,
verbal tools, and visual tools.
For example, as a woman, in addition to the bias that I described
at the beginning, I tend to appear smaller, younger, and
more inexperienced than men, and I have less gravitas.
What do I do?
Vocally, I try to make sure that my voice doesn't go up and
down in the middle of my sentences, and that I don't end
my sentences on an upward note, which is a common pitfall with females.
Verbally, I try to make sure that I actually have strong synthesis,
and that I line up supporting details behind things that I'm sure about.
And then visually, I try to stand straight and take up space to increase my gravitas.
Remember to stay authentic in the midst of all of this.
One of the best communicators I've ever worked with was a five foot,
one woman who led a team of army generals.
I have such strong memories of her sitting at long conference tables surrounded by
large men with loud voices.
She'd typically be in a light pink or light lavender suit.
And yes, no one ever questioned her competence,
because she acted like herself.
Her voice was soft, yet it would still carry, she made her points and
then back them up.
So, stay authentic.
Now, I'm going to hand it over to Mike to tell you a little bit about connection.
>> Thanks, Leila.
That's a great story.
In fact, stories are one of the most impactful tools we can use to connect with
our audiences.
Think about storytime when you were a kid, or the last meeting you were in,
you often remember the story more than the actual content.
JD Schramm's book talks about the value of embracing your personal identity
to bring a connection to your audience,
and allow them to gain a perspective on your viewpoint.
These authentic stories can make your communication all the more impactful.
Now, one of the identities that he talks about in the book is that of the rookie.
Now, we all know your first few weeks on the job can be quite challenging.
This is actually one of your best opportunities to build connection with
those around.
But let me show you what my first day on the job was like before I understood this
important secret.
>> Hey, Mike, welcome to your first day at Stanford Capital Partners.
Let me tell you a bit about how we run our Monday morning meeting.
>> Look, look, Boss, I have a pretty good idea of how to run this.
>> [LAUGH] >> Back when I was at Harvard Capital
Partners, we started by talking about our layoffs, then about our weekly profit.
How do you think I did?
>> [LAUGH] >> This was a missed opportunity.
First, when you start on the job, this is the ideal time to build connections and
build allies before you ever need them.
In other words, I need to put cookies into the jar before I start taking any of them.
Second, it's a great opportunity to ask questions so
that you're curious and hungry.
As time goes on it will become much harder to ask those dumb questions.
And third, I should avoid references to my prior job, and
not think about those differences as wrong.
While it can be helpful to provide an outside perspective,
you need to embrace the culture and the processes of your new firm.
Let's try this one more time.
>> Hey, Mike, welcome to your first day at Stanford Capital Partners.
Let me tell you about how we run our Monday morning meeting.
We usually start by running through an update on the pipeline of our
exciting projects.
How does that sound to you?
>> Boss, that sounds great.
In fact, I was going to talk about the new communication optimizer project.
I have some great customer stories.
But I also think your perspective will be helpful.
Think you can help me run through the presentation?
>> Sure.
>> By the way, how's little Johnny's baseball team doing?
>> [LAUGH] >> So remember,
take advantage of being a rookie.
Build connections, tell stories, set yourself up for
success in any new environment.
So, hopefully you now understand the importance of the four C's.
While you may not conquer and master the entire grid,
you can use these techniques to improve your effectiveness as a communicator.
By doing so,
you can embrace your own personal identity to excel as a communicator and a leader.
Empowering your teams and inspiring your alliances.
Thank you. We'd now like to open it up for questions.
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