are you at the end of your rope with your child crying when you drop them off with
a caregiver does that separation anxiety pull at your heartstrings and you just don't know
what to do in this video I'm going to give you five clear steps with specific instructions on
how to stop that kind of behavior for good hi I'm Holly McLean the mommy answer lady I'm a certified
parent educator and I'm also a mom of nine and I'm all about helping parents stop struggling
with children's bad behavior while growing a relationship at the same time so please just
take a moment right now to hit the subscribe and notification buttons so you can find out when new
content comes out on this channel so what's the deal with children crying and screaming when mom
or dad drops them off with the sitter at preschool or they're leaving the house for a date night
there are a couple of reasons for this behavior number one is legitimate separation anxiety but
number two is a manipulation tactic they're either having anxiety because you're leaving and have
some social fears or they are being manipulative but remember social fears need to be overcome and
manipulative behaviors should not be rewarded so here are the five steps to training your child
to behave at drop-off number one do not reward the behavior as with other unacceptable behavior
issues a reward for bad behavior only causes it to be prolonged and repeated so what kind of reward
does a child get when they scream and cry when a parent leaves them with a caregiver most of the
time they can get an easily manipulated parent to come back over and over again hug and kiss more
words of reassurance and etc in other words extra attention giving extra attention for this behavior
is not helpful number two reassure them once and move on let's child know one time that you will
return later that's all do not coddle and continue to reassure give them the information kindly and
with a hug and a kiss then move on no matter what they do the more attention you give to try to calm
down the more reward they get for behaving badly and seriously if you think about it does this help
no they still continue to scream and cry as you walk out the door no matter how much you say or
do number three instruct the caregiver it's a really good idea to talk to the caregiver about
this behavior and how you prefer they not reward the child for it if they've never met your child
before be sure to take a moment and introduce the caregiver to your child so your child can see that
you trust them it's fine for them to take a little time to get to know them and reassure them in etc
but if they continue to behave badly after you have left tell the caregiver to place them in
a quiet place and let them know when they are finished fussing they can come out and play if
the child knows they will be set out away from toys and other children until they behave they
will give up at the behavior much faster I'll tell you I have seen this happen many many times I've
taught children's classes for years and when I have set a misbehaving child out and let them know
they can participate when they're finished fussing and especially if they can watch everyone else
having fun they normally will make the decision to participate and behave but when they're coddled
and held and comforted by teachers helper they many times will continue to need to be held and
give an extra attention throughout the class time this really isn't helpful it seems helpful but
in the end it rewards the child for bad behavior and therefore it is prolonged and repeated number
four make sure older siblings don't undermine the process lots of times when siblings are all
together and the parents have left them with the caregiver the older siblings undermine the process
of training they want to help and believe by comforting their brother or sister they're doing
that they are instead encouraging the bad behavior make sure the caregiver understands not to allow
this and the siblings all know about how to help train the younger one to behave number five this
is Frank put your big-boy pants on okay moms and dads I realize sometimes you feel like leaving a
screaming child it just pulls at your heartstrings and it made me make you feel like crying yourself
here's the frank scoop about that catch your big-boy pants on your child needs to see you as
confident and assured of their safety if you walk out with an anxious look on your face a pouty tone
in your voice about to cry yourself this only puts further stress on your child when they think you
are stressed about leaving them they are more afraid and anxious think about their needs and
what is best for them is it best for them to see stress on your face No so be kind gentle
and walk out with confidence and a smile soon your child will understand that this is all ok and they
will be fine they will also learn to interact with others and have experience to help them in social
skills as they grow up it's all ok so be the mom or dad and let them learn on these occasions
are you having any other issues with drop-off time please let me know in the comments below
and remember to subscribe and like and share this video parents you can do this thanks for watching
you