-On the last spoof of Glee, we found out that the girls are obsessed with their boyfriends.
-Abs, abs, abs...
-So, Quinn held an emergency meeting.
-Ladies we’ve become pathetic.
-The girls rallied against the boys.
-Are you ladies with me?
-Amen.
-They were holding on strong until their boyfriends showed up.
-Be my baby daddy!
-Then there was this.
-Tator tots.
-And that’s what you missed on...
-Glee!
-C’mon, guys. What’s going on? You’re all dancing you like you’ve got two left feet.
-Two left wheels if you ask Artie.
-Santana. Don’t.
-I murdered two stuffed animals in my sleep last night.
-Four eyes keeps running over my feet!
-Those were accidents!
-Guys--
-Liar!
-I can’t remember the dance moves.
-Can we incorporate some workout routines in this? I have flawless abs to maintain.
-There was so much cotton.
-Enough! Let’s focus. Now, does anybody have any ideas on what we can sing at regionals?
-Well, I have a couple-
-Shut up, Rachel.
-But I didn’t--
-Rachel, seriously? I’m this close to taking you out of competition.
-Mr. Schue? I’ve got an idea.
-Let’s hear it Finn.
-Well, I think we should sing a song.
-That’s a great idea Finn! I love it!
-Yeah, a song with music.
-An even better idea! Now we’re talking!
-And we should wear matching clothes.
-These ideas are genius! Guys genius!
-And we can dance!
-Brilliant.
-This is stupid.
-What?
-Anytime one of the guys come up with an idea it’s the best thing in the world, but when the girls speak...
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
(Sexy rock music)
-...and it’s not fair.
-Sorry, what did you say, Quinn?
-Really?
-Mr. Schue, if I may interject-
-That’s it Rachel, to the principal's office!
-This is such bullshit.
-Alright, guys, I guess we can call it a day.
I just want the club to be more cohesive.
-Mr. Shuester, before you go any further. Did you make all of these complaints to Ms. Pilsbury first?
-I can’t understand what’s going on with the group.
-Will? Why the fuck are you in here?
-What?
-All you ever do is bitch and moan when you come in here. Can’t you ever stop by to say hello?
-I-I...
-No, you can’t. It’s always bitch bitch bitch and whine whine whine.
-Emma--
-We all know the real reason you’re in here. You’re trying to get into my pants and you’re using your glee club as a cover up.
-But-
-I’m a married woman, Will. Please respect that.
-I do!
-Don’t give me that shit!
-What?
-You know what? Get out.
-But-
-Get out!
-Yeah. That didn’t go too well.
-Well, what do you want me to do about it?
-I've got an idea.
-Sue, I don’t wanna hear it.
-That’s too bad, Mr. Hair spray. Allow me to deliver my message in a different way.
(Speaking telepathically) Hello, William.
-What the-
-That’s right, Schuester. I am speaking to you telepathically. It’s a little trick I picked up from my visit at Area 51.
-How are you-
-You want all your problems to be gone? End the glee club.
Have a nice day, boys.
-So, I heard things aren’t going well with Finn lately.
-No. But we’re working on it. Kind of... I miss him.
-Well, are you gonna do anything about it?
-I’ve tried.
-Stalking doesn’t count.
-Oh, then, never mind.
-It’s all about mind games. Cat and mouse. Guys love that kind of thing.
-So, what should I do?
-Make him jealous. Have him fight for your love.
-That sounds romantic!
-Exactly. Looks like you’ve got a plan to get your man.
-Kurt ...How come this scene hasn’t ended yet?
-Oh, I’m getting my extra special Kurt screen time.
-Brittany?
-Oh hey...Banana.
-Santana.
-Whatever.
-How could you not remember me? I’m your best friend.
-Can’t you remember all the good times we had?
-But I don’t want a STD said the little princess. So the little drummer boy put-
-Excuse me?
-Yes, Santana?
-Uh, me and Britts are done with story time and we wants to get our recess on.
Uh, it’s too hot outside and we wants to get our rocky road on.
Uh, that’s the last availiable shower and we wants to get our mack on.
See, Britts?
-Ha! Weeeee!
-What the fuck?
-So you’ll be my boyfriend for the duration of the week and I’ll pay you on Friday for your services.
-No need for your money, Rachel. It would be my pleasure to help out such a beautiful wo-
-Yeah yeah yeah whatever. Here he comes!
-Hey, Rachel. Who is this?
-My boyfriend! Glen. Glen this is Finn, my ex-boyfriend.
-Pleasure to meet you.
-Yeah... uh Rachel? Could I talk to you?
-I’m sorry, Finn but I can not converse with you at this current time. Glen and I were just about to make out in the janitor’s closet.
Come along, Glen.
-Where did Sam leave his chap stick?
-Oh, I didn’t know anyone was in here. Sorry.
-It’s fine...
Do I know you?
-I think so...
-Didn’t we have a baby together?
-Yeah, that sounds familiar.
Well, nice talking to ya.
-Bye.
Oh, there's his chap stick.
-I had a rather fun day with you, Rachel.
-Yeah, surprisingly, I did too Glen.
-Do you wanna go back to my place?
Oh! Not for that. I believe a couple shouldn’t have sex until they’re are at least twenty five.
-Really?
-Of course. My virginity is very important to me. I just wanted to know if you were interested in watching a movie. Funny Girl perhaps?
-W-What?
-You know. Funny Girl with-
-Barbra Streisand! You know of this movie?
-How could I not? Barbra Streisand is like a Goddess.
-T-This can’t be. You’re too perfect!
-Pardon?
-All day long you’ve listened to what I’ve had to say, you’ve opened doors for me, you’ve been nothing but polite
What is wrong with you?
-What?
-You’re too perfect! And quite frankly it’s getting on my nerves!
Why can’t you ignore me or pressure me into having sex with you? Or try to cop a feel! I mean, what are you? Gay?
-Did someone say gay?
-Asian power.
-Word.
-So, I hired Glen to make you jealous.
-We agreed to stay friends. I didn’t think you could be this mean.
-I just wanted to see if you still cared.
-How could you do this to me?
-It was a mistake! M-Maybe we should go to a counseling session with Ms. Pilsbury-
-Can’t have friendship counseling if you’re not friends.
-We’re not friends anymore?
-What you did was really bad, Rachel. And you knew I’d be jealous of that guy Glen.
-You said you’d never stop being friends with me!
-I never thought you’d make me feel like this.
Again.
-(singing) NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
-Hey, that's way too much auto tune.
-Oh.
(singing) NOOOO!
-Better.
-Ok, guys! I think I’ve found away to bring us all together. Through song. That I’m gonna sing to you.
-Wait. You’re not gonna rap and dance are you?
-Yes. Yes, I am.
-I think we’re good. Right, guys?
-(whole class) Yes, yes.
-Hey. Nice shirt, Mercedes.
Subtitles by the Amara.org community