-You guys, we don't always have enough time
to cover all the recent news.
So, here with a recap is one of our writers,
Amber Ruffin, in a segment we call "Amber Says What?"
♪♪
-[ Speaks indistinctly ]
Things have been crazy.
Okay, first of all, a rapper named Lil Nas X
released a country song called "Old Town Road."
And I was like, "What? No one wants to hear a country song."
Then, I listened to it, and was like,
"What? This is my new favorite country song."
And Billboard was like, "This isn't a country song."
And I was like, "What would you call this?"
-♪ I take my horse to the old town road ♪
♪ I'm gonna ride till I can't no more ♪
-♪ I got the horses in the back ♪
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah! Oh, my God!
It is such a good song!
I wonder why they won't count it as country.
We....may....never...know.
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Then, Billy Ray Cyrus was like,
"I know how to get it on the country charts.
I'll do a remix." And he did.
And Billboard was like, "This is still not a country song."
And I was like, "Dang. That [bleep] runs deep."
[ Laughter ]
Also, Gayle King interviewed R. Kelly.
I was like, "What?"
Then, in the middle of the interview,
he lost his mind, and started yelling.
And I was like, "What?"
Check it out.
-[ Indistinct shouting ]
-Robert.
-[ Laughs ]
She was like, "Robert."
[ Laughter ]
And I was like, "What?"
She hit him with such a good "Robert"
that I sat up straight -- and my name is not even Robert.
Then, I saw the first-ever picture taken of a black hole.
And I was like, "What?"
Then, I heard the scientist
in charge of getting that picture was a woman,
and I was like, "What?"
[ Cheers and applause ]
Then, I got so excited I tweeted a bunch of dirty jokes about it.
And then, my mom saw them, and I got in trouble.
[ Laughter ]
And that's a true story.
[ Laughter ]
And then, I was like, "You know what?
Those jokes weren't that bad."
But then, I looked at them again, and they kind of were.
[ Laughter ]
Hey, mom!
Then, Beyonce announced --
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
Then, Beyonce announced that she'll release a documentary
of her Coachella performance on April 17th.
And I was like, "What!?"
I got so excited that I planned a viewing party.
Oh, that reminds me -- Seth?
-Yeah? -I need the 17th off.
-No. Just watch it at your desk like everyone else.
-Abuse!
[ Laughter ]
Anyway, party at my desk.
So, let's see. What else happened?
Oh. Beto O'Rourke keeps putting his shoes on countertops
all over the country.
And I'm like, "What?
Get down from there.
Someone has to clean that."
Unless he wins the Democratic nomination.
Then, I'll be like, "What...a genius."
I love how he puts his shoes on everything.
Then, I saw Grace Jones, who is 70 years old,
dance down the runway at the Tommy Hilfiger fashion show.
And I was like, "What?"
This woman is 70 years old!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah.
Now, usually, when a 70-year-old
dances around with no pants on, her kids take away her car keys.
[ Laughter ]
Not this supermodel.
Now, how can she look this good at this age?
I know I say it a lot, but blackness cannot be cracked.
You cannot crack it.
Freeze it. Drop it from a building.
Nary a crack shall appear, for it is the uncrackable.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm 60 years old.
[ Laughter ]
I heard the worst thing in the world.
Now, this is true.
A woman in Taiwan had four bees living under her eyelid,
living off of her tears!
I read that article. I was like, "What?!"
So, just to be safe -- for any bees out there,
my tears are made of poison.
[ Laughter ]
Oh, dang it!
Oh!
I should have done this. Go back.
♪ My tears are poison ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
How did I miss that?!
-[ Laughs ]
-Ooh, that was a close one.
Then, I heard -- -I won the bet!
-Ah!
[ Speaks indistinctly ]
I heard that they dropped the charges against Jussie Smollett
for wasting everyone's time by calling in a fake crime.
And I was like, "What? He's not gonna get in trouble
for reporting a fake crime?
What is he -- a white woman?"
[ Laughter ]
All these white women are like, "Yeah."
Then...
Then, in...
[ Laughs ]
Then, in Harry Potter news, J.K. Rowling was like,
"Dumbledore and Grindelwald had an intense sexual relationship."
And I was like, "What? What is wrong with you?
Who asked for this? And why did you do that?
And when can I read about it in detail?"
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
I like what I like.
Then, I heard a rhino poacher got trampled by an elephant
and then eaten by lions on an animal preserve.
And I was like, "What? Oh, good idea, animals."
[ Cheers and applause ]
"Work together, like y'all do in the cartoons.
[Bleep] if those birds can make Cinderella a dress,
you can stop poaching."
[ Laughter ]
This has been "Amber Says What?"
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-Amber Ruffin, everybody.
There she is.
We'll be right back.
[ Speaks indistinctly ]