Kim Kardashian says Kanye won't let
their six-year-old daughter, North West, wear makeup anymore.
"Anymore"?
Uh, Rob, would you let your doctor wear makeup?
I have a six-year-old, you know, and I have a two-year-old,
and around the house, I mean, if they want to wear makeup,
-let's not take away their fun. -SPADE: Fun.
If they see Mommy putting it on, they want to put it on,
let's not make them feel weird about that.
I feel a little weird if they're going out,
you know, getting hit on by you after.
(laughter)
Why-why is it always me?
-Why? -You set me up.
Spike.
You said why is it always you?
-Yeah. No, I didn't want an answer. -I wonder.
I just-- Jesus Christ.
(grunting)
(cheering and applause)
I j-- I just don't know
if his priorities are in the right place.
He's saying, "Hey, don't use makeup."
If Kim Kardashian is your mother,
you should be telling your daughter not to use Google,
because...
if you-- if you Google your mom's name,
you're gonna find a lot more offensive things on her face
-than makeup. -(gasping, laughter)
Yeah.
I just heard it.
Her face is not allowed in the ocean anymore.
There's too much plastic.
Jen, are you, uh...
When did you start wearing makeup?
I didn't start wearing makeup till I started having sex,
-so I was, like, seven, eight. Yeah. -13?
I mean, it's hard. Do you want a little JonBenét on your hands?
-Like, it-it's... -I knew you were gonna bring up JonBenét,
and I'm so excited because...
-No, because-- I'm serious. (stammers) -I know.
-It's the worst. -There's only so much you can do. Uh...
-Joining a beauty contest and stuff, it's like, -Yeah.
you know, "Get up there! Come on, now!
"We didn't drive 11 hours for nothing!
"We're in this to win!
Don't forget to show your tits!"
It's like, "Come on. That's enough."
But I feel like, you know, if I had a kid,
I'd be like, "Put on makeup, get a Sephora deal,
get a YouTube tutorial. Let's do this. I'm sick of working."
So I think she should whore her out.
But not, like, literal whore.
-Like, money whore. -Just in the sense of-- I understand.
-Yeah. -Okay, well, I don't-- I don't--
I just don't like the kids are richer than me.
Um... a new Michael Jor--
Oh, Michael Jordan has a new line of premium tequila
called... Cincoro?
How do you not get Shaq involved and called it Shaquila?
-So good. -(cheering and applause)
I know. I don't get it.
I don't understand why these guys are like, you know,
"Oh, God, Michael Jordan's got a new tequila.
I got to check that out." Somebody, you know,
trying to do something they're not known for, it's like,
you know, "Hey, I can't wait to join
Guy Fieri's basketball camp."
All I'm doing is sitting here, trying to think
of more basketball-alcohol puns, and I can't.
-Not that many. Is this the bottle? -No.
-If it is, that's smart. Yeah. -That's cute.
I don't-- I'm not a big fan of alcohol and athletes together.
I don't trust it. Just kind of a woman thing.
But, um...
-(whooping, applause) -Yeah.
These bottles, three years old--
three-year-old tequila, $1,600.
Hey, can I have a new one?
Anyway, they just got a new logo for the bottle.
What do you think? It's the drunk man.
He should have his legs farther apart.
What's wrong with his hips?
-Brad, uh... -Oh, is that a-- What is that?
Brad can relate to this story. Brad, uh, you played basketball.
I'm not kidding. You've played basketball.
You were actually in a Celebrity All-Star Game, right?
-I did. -Here's Brad D'ing up on a guy.
KIRKMAN: Nice!
SPADE: He thinks it's-- It's not Photoshopped.
No, that's-- That was the game.
-I-I am a lockdown defender. -Yeah.
I-I don't know why I played in the celebrity game.
I think they just thought I was Dinklage.
Like...
I know. That's the problem.
That's the problem. I'm not short enough
where it can actually help me.
You know what I mean? I don't get those Danny DeVito,
Peter Dinklage, you know, Game of Thrones...
-KIRKMAN: Wah! -I-I'm just honored to be the--
I'm just honored to be the second dwarf on this show.
-(gasping) -Are you hitting him?
-No. -Oh, me? Okay.
-Am I the tallest one on the show today? -I don't know.
We talked about this in the meeting.
-I think you are. -I'm the tallest one.
-Yeah, the... -And I'm not even tall.
-I'm five-five. No? -You're five-five?
-Yeah. -You got heels.