please excuse me while I unpack this for
a moment anyone who knows me knows that
I'm a bit of a pack rat and even on the
Ted stage that's going to be the case
physical abuse emotional abuse sexual
abuse physical neglect emotional neglect
witnessed violence an incarcerated
relative exposure to substance abuse
mental illness in the home and divorce
these are the 10 adverse childhood
experiences that researchers have linked
to every major chronic illness and
social issue in the United States sit
with that for a moment every major
chronic illness and social issue in our
country is linked to these rocks by the
time I entered high school I had
collected seven of these ten rocks rocks
can be grounding or heavy how do we
support children in our community who
carry this heaviness to be productive
and successful citizens it's a big
question right well I'm here today to
tell you about a way that I think we can
do it restorative practices in schools
has the power to transform communities
fourteen years ago when my husband and I
first welcomed our foster daughter into
our home
I set out on a mission to find ways that
week I could support students who come
through my door every day with these
invisible life backpacks so full of pain
suffering and neglect I could relate to
their pain it was a silent language I
spoke as a child I even named the pain I
called it my sad ball as a teacher it's
like I have special x-ray glasses that
can see these heavy backpacks I wanted
to find ways that we could hold them to
high expectations academically while
also supporting them to thrive not an
easy feat I get asked a lot how did I
survive over the years like my whole
life how did I survive the heaviness of
these rocks and I pondered in question
that for a very long time and wasn't
sure and in fact sometimes I was even
kind of annoyed that people were asking
me because I'm here I survived what does
it matter and it almost seemed like they
were surprised that I didn't fail I look
back now as an adult with the work that
I do and I think it's because they
wanted to bottle it and give it to all
the kids that they knew that needed it
and over the years I when I was
pondering that question I too wanted to
find out what is the secret sauce and
how do I spread it to every student who
walks to my class through my classroom
who needs it and the answer is
resilience sheer perseverance around the
same time that I was asking that
question and pondering my own healing
journey which I don't want you to think
was easy because it wasn't it the whole
idea of pull yourself up from your
bootstraps is a broken it's a broken
dream for for people who carry these
rocks it's a long and hard journey and
it takes a village and you are that
village
um Carol Dweck was conducting one of the
most groundbreaking studies on the topic
we now know through her thirty-year
longitudal study that children and
adolescents who believe that they can
develop their intelligence are more
successful in life there is hope for
healing with resilience but how do we
foster and create an environment that
supports that for all children we can't
leave any of them behind you might have
noticed in the last ten years a lot of
news coverage about disrupted learning
in America overturned deaths pencils
thrown classrooms destroyed students in
crisis and teachers and I know that
there's some of you out there today and
I don't think that there's a clear
answer for what's going on and what's
been going on um and there's been a lot
of talk about it about what we can do
about it a lot I do know that there is
some interesting things happening around
the time that I noticed more of my
colleagues who are in this room dealing
with these issues in 2008 we went
through one of the worst economic
downturns and many of our lifetimes with
the recession comes stress which leads
to substance abuse issues substance
abuse leads to more domestic violence
incidents which leads to more child
witness to violence neglect and other
forms of abuse within all of this mental
health services were either being cut or
remaining grossly inadequate serve the
needs of children and families in most
communities do you think that the
community and parents would be okay with
a more restorative approach
yes take this situation for example meet
max and Xavier to middle school boys in
my classroom one year in sixth grade
they were messing around like normal
sixth graders they had one of those max
brought in one of those cold compresses
the youths like activate my squeezing
you know squishing it around and they
were throwing to each other of course
when my back was turned and one of them
missed and hit the wall you could
imagine what their faces were like
what's she gonna do I have two choices
of how I can deal with this situation so
it the the complex actually hit a wall
and splattered all over a supply shelf
and a bookshelf so you can imagine the
mess so there's two ways I can handle
this situation at my school I can choose
a traditional disciplinary approach call
the office write a referral it's in the
metaclass the most common consequences
for that approach are detention in
school or out of school suspension or
ultimately expulsion or I can choose a
restorative approach where they would
have to face the situation directly
co-create a solution with the parties
involved and then have to repair the
damage to the relationship the trust and
in this case the bookshelf in the carpet
I chose the latter approach and here's
what happened these boys came up at
their lunch break and voluntarily the
first time of course and they
brainstormed what they needed to do and
clearly they needed to clean up the mess
and they did that but then on their own
for five days on their own they would
come into my classroom and every day
they would check that floor and they
would check that bookshelf and if there
was one speck of that residue left from
the compress they'd go and ask to get
the cleaning kit out they put their
rubber gloves on because I told him that
chemical substance could hurt somebody
if they put it in their mouth I get kind
of dramatic sometimes anybody here knows
that's a little bit
and they cleaned it up and to the point
where I had to tell them like they're
like what else can we do can I come up
at lunch do you think you need that done
you need that done I'm like dear Lord I
want to go back with my friends and like
eat some lunch with my friends again I
mean it's amazing to me how well the
restorative approach works that is the
restorative approach would it surprise
you or so within all of this structure
that I was talking about with before of
2008 we're gonna go back I want you to
remember all of the things I said that
were happening and then there's
something that happened in classrooms as
well as stress was increasing at home
with the recession and everything that
led for that for families and we all
were there we went through it we know
what it was like everyone was affected
by it
there was also news higher spinch marks
for expectations and schools that were
happening and those benchmarks are good
we want our kids to succeed but add that
in to what's going on already and it was
a perfect storm this was the same time
that the smartphone revolution was
happening so everyone had a screen in
their hand including children who were
sometimes being monitored more by
technology than by adult supervision we
need to build a better system and we can
and here's why the current system that
we have is funneling children with these
heavy life backpacks into prison and in
my years of teaching I have seen this
happen more than I want to tell you
about and we are incarcerated more young
people than in any other
develop a country in the world any other
developed country in the world and not
by a small margin by a lot this school
the Prison Pipeline has to be broken but
how do restorative practices
that's how so let's take a step back
sorry it's a little somber but important
information to know we need to know the
pond that we swim in and sometimes we
don't know the pond we swim in let's
look at the traditional ways that we've
dealt with challenging behaviors in the
public school system in America if a
child doesn't teeth it does sorry if a
child doesn't read we teach if a child
doesn't swim we teach if a child doesn't
multiply we teach if a child doesn't
know how to drive we teach if a child
doesn't know how to behave we teach
punish why can't we finish the last
sentence as automatically as we do the
others what is surprised you if I told
you that the majority of the children
that we are incarcerated young people
children in my mind they're children
because when you see them when they're
in kindergarten and you watch them grow
up there's still those babies you know
how you feel about your own children
right they are minorities it shouldn't
surprise you would it surprise you if I
told you that most of them grow up in
poverty and this starts in the school
system with the punitive approach to
discipline where we are punishing them
instead of teaching them the skills they
need we know that adults who have higher
developed social-emotional skills and
more advanced social and emotional
learning are more successful in life we
need a system that teaches children
these skills
systematically and comprehensively we
need a system that stops punishing kids
in crisis we need a system that supports
them to heal holds them accountable and
while also building healthy
relationships with their peers and each
other there's a scene at the school
where I currently teach people do well
if they can people do well if they can I
propose we shift our thinking to view
behavior as any other skill in life that
we need to be successful what would it
look like if we taught the skills to be
successful when there was a challenging
behavior instead of punishing with shame
and blame all the traditional
disciplinary approaches which sometimes
school districts have policies that they
can't get around and they have to choose
some of those depending on what the
situation is all of those choices push
kids out of school so what does it teach
them it teaches them that they don't
belong and then they start to believe it
as a teacher when a child comes back
into my classroom after being suspended
it takes me at least a month sometimes
to build that relationship again it's
working against what we want we can
build we can I know we can do it I
believe in the power of our community I
truly do I wouldn't be on this stage
because this is terrifying
[Laughter]
thank you and here's how you can help
right now in a very small way the next
time you find yourself in a conflict or
you're helping your child through a
conflict I want you to use these five
questions what happened from your
perspective who was affected by it
what do you remember thinking or feeling
at the time what can be done to make it
right and what do you need to move
forward the most important part of this
whole process
please remember this the most important
part is that both parties have a chance
to share and co-create in the solution I
know that takes more time but it works
and it's worth it if I reflect on my own
life backpack and think about all the
rocks that I carry every day that have
now become the pride of my life of my
survival one of the things that make
that I think of is that if it weren't
for my friends my teachers and my
friends parents I would not have
survived my situation it's the way that
I did they say it only takes one person
to build resilience and a child I invite
you to be that one person for one child
in our community and if you happen to be
I wish I could see because I would make
eye contact with you if you happen to be
a person who has a position of influence
in any way in our community where you
could shift policy in either the school
systems or in the justice system or any
other system that works with children I
invite you to join me in creating a
community that will help all children
thrive thank you so much
[Applause]
[Music]
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