Today, let's get into the top 5 strategies for effective
communication. You can use this at home, at work
or anywhere you need to communicate.
Strategy number 1, let's do this on
purpose. A lot of our communication happens
inadvertently. In fact, most of what we communicate to other people is not even
coming out of our mouth. It's non-verbal, it's tone of voice, it's
posture, it's body language. All of that becomes communication. So, in this first
strategy, we're going to communicate on purpose.
Become more aware of what we're communicating
and how we're communicating it. This also implies that we're going to make some
time and space available for the specific purpose of
communicating. Think about your primary relationships
for example. How often are you setting aside time
specifically for the purpose of clear communication?
This is all about becoming more intentional and
purposeful about our communication. Let's raise it to a level of conscious
awareness that allows us to do some really cool
things as we apply these other strategies.
Strategy number 2, be silent. I love that the letters in the word
silent are the same as the letters in the word listen.
We'll come back to that in just a minute. The silence implies quieting the noise.
For me, noise represents anything that gets in the way of a communication.
Think about the basic model of communication where there is a sender
and a receiver. The sender originates the message and sends it over
to the receiver. The receiver receives it. In between the
sender and the receiver is a whole bunch of noise.
It might be physical noise like a jackhammer a truck rolling by, a train
blowing its whistle. Or it could be mental noise. You hear the
voices in your head? That's part of what causes
the noise. Also our experience, our culture,
our gender. Anything that affects how we either send a message or receive that
message. How we perceive our world can become noise.
And I don't think we can get rid of all of it. So, the strategy
is to be silent, calm the noise. And if you can't get rid of the noise, at
least be aware of it so you can start working around some of
it. Our third strategy today is to be present. You ever been talking
to someone and the lights are on but nobody's home?
You've had that experience too, haven't you? Let's not be that person
where yeah i'm looking at you but my thoughts are
totally somewhere else. I'm working on this problem over here. "Oh, what? What did
you say?" It's so annoying to not be fully present.
You know, one of the definitions of the word present in the English language
is gift. And it is a gift for you to be fully present
when you're communicating with your spouse, with your kids, with your
coworkers, with a client or a prospect. Be
present. Be there. This kind of bleeds over from number 2 which is to be
silent and quiet the noise. Some of that noise in your head. If you
can just picture taking the things that are going on in
your mind. And there's important stuff in there. Okay, I'm going to
give you that. But take that and sit it on a shelf for a minute. Just put
it over here. You'll get back to it. Don't let that
become the noise. Be present. Be right here.
Present means here, it means now, it means gift.
Be present. Be there in the communication. And give indicators that you are. Track
them. Use some eye contact. Nod or acknowledge
what they're saying. Give the little responses that show that
you're present. That's powerful. For our last 2
strategies, we're going to give very practical. Strategy number 4
is listen to understand. I commented earlier that the letters in
the word silent are exactly the same as the ones
in the word listen. Which is kind of cool because
listen to understand puts you in a position where
you are seeking first to understand that other person.
This is a little counterintuitive and it's hard for a lot of people to do.
Because honestly what we want to do in a communication
typically is get our point across. We want to be
understood. And that's awesome. I'm not going to leave you hanging on that
because we got one more strategy. Let's put it in order. For you to become
the listener first put you in a position to have very effective
communication. Even though your point is so important, I
think if you jump in and try to get your point across
first, you're going to come up against some resistance.
Have you experienced this in the past? So, here's a little technique to go with
this strategy. And I promise, you're going to get some
really great results from this. Postpone your need to be understood
until the person with whom you're communicating is completely satisfied
that you understand their position. Think
about how that could play out in a marriage.
I have people pay me lots of dollars to sit on my couch
and have me coach them through communication. When they
understand this strategy, everything changes.
I know you want to get your point across. Remember that shelf over there? Just put
that on a shelf. Because here's the thing: If you try to
push this point across first,
you'll meet with resistance. And your point is not received. So, let's just keep
it on a shelf over here for just a minute for safe keeping.
And while it's on the shelf, I'm coming back and i'm going to be fully present,
i'm going to be silent and I'm going to listen to
understand. My whole goal right now is to make sure I understand
where you're coming from. And if i can reflect back to you, my
understanding and you recognize it as what you actually said,
THEN.... Then we're in position to pull that off of the shelf
and go to the next strategy. Here's the last one.
The one you've been waiting for because now you get to go get your point off of
that shelf. And remember how important that
point is and and how right you are.
Notice that too, okay? Because that gets into the noise thing when we know that
we're right. But you kind of do because this point is
so important. And so, you bring it off of the shelf.
Now, it's time to express to be understood. Let me comment about a
few of the words that i just said. Expression is when you become the sender
and that other person becomes the receiver. So, now the message is traveling
from you over to that person. When you're
expressing yourself and your point, your goal is
understanding. Notice I didn't say express to persuade
or to convince or to beat something into someone's
noggin. No. You'll get the resistance in the defensiveness if you do that.
Can you see that? So, your goal is not that.
It is simply to be understood. So, you want to encode that message in
the kind of language that that person's going to
understand. Remember we talked about being conscious
and present and purposeful about all of this?
So, your body language and your facial expressions and your tone of voice
are all designed to help this message that is so important and valuable, that's
why we're holding it on a shelf. That message can get across in the way
that it needs to to the receiver and they will really
understand what that message is. We've saved this strategy for last,
strategically. Because listening to understand puts you
in a position where it's more likely that your point
will now be received by the other person. It
works really well. And I want you to be able to try that.
Let me know how it goes for you. Put some comments down below
or interact with me at Live On Purpose Central where we can have more
discussions about this as we move forward.
Good luck with your communication. Those 5 strategies should really help.
And if you want more help, please join us at live on purpose central. We've got
resources available for you there that are going to power up your communication game.
go.liveonpurposecentral.com.
The link is in the description. i'll see you inside.