Are you dealing with a narcissist and want to know what their
favorite phrases are to use for gaslighting? By the end of this video,
you're going to know how to spot it and then be wise to them when they try to use it on you.
Hi, I'm Rebecca Zung. I have been recognized as one of the top 1% of attorneys in the country.
And I have written two best-selling books. They are Negotiate Like You Matter and Breaking Free:
A Step-By-Step Divorce Guide. And I've helped thousands of people just like you
go from lives of drama, trauma, and chaos to step into lives of freedom, possibility, and purpose.
And I do the same thing for you on this channel and these videos and my resources. So
please subscribe if you haven't already, because it will help you with free resources to escape the
clutches of that toxic person that you are dealing with. So subscribe, hit that notification bell.
So let's talk about gaslighting. One of the narcissists favorite little go-to bag of tricks.
And it's almost like they need to do it. They're like compelled. It's like a way of life for them.
So gaslighting is a form of manipulation. It's a psychological form of manipulation to
try to get control over you and try to make you think that you are crazy. And they use
it in a lot of different ways and especially in negotiating. When they are dealing with somebody
during a discard phase, it really comes up quite a lot. So I have seen it a lot in my law practice.
And so if you are negotiating with a narcissist in any way, shape, or form,
whether it's in a divorce, a business partnership, or maybe it's even a family member, a neighbor,
or somebody who used to be your friend, then you will see these phrases and these signs of
gaslighting coming up in some shape or form. Because they're actually pretty predictable.
Even though narcissists are really heinous to deal with, they're actually fairly predictable
as far as their personality type. They kind of all act the same. And you see it ... A lot of
people that are in my private Facebook group are talking about it, thinking, "Wow, do they have all
the same playbook?" I've heard people say that. "It's amazing, it's like we're talking about the
same person." If you want to know more about the private Facebook group and you want to join us,
it's called Narcissist Negotiators with Rebecca Zung. But they have favorite gaslighting phrases
that they use and also tactics that they use. And if you want to know more about gaslighting
tactics, you should check out my video on gaslighting tactics. And we'll make sure we drop
a link to that below. But on this video, we're going to focus mostly on the types of phrases
that they use in order to gaslight you. So if you hear any of these phrases, you're going to know,
"Okay, this person is trying to Gaslight me." And if you are the target of gaslighting,
you probably starting to feel anxious, feel traumatized, feel like you're going crazy,
like you can't think straight. You start to lose confidence in yourself. You start to
think you just can't do anything right. It spills over into other areas of your life,
not just in dealing with that narcissist, but other areas of your life as well.
You don't have the confidence to negotiate or do anything that you want to try to do. It spills
over even into other relationships, your personal life, your business life, everything. You just
are so anxious, you can't think straight, you feel powerless, paralyzed sometimes. And that's
what the result is of constant gaslighting, because that's what they want. They want you to
feel that way. They're manipulating you. So the first phrase that they use is,
"You're crazy and need help." So when you try to bring things up, you try to point something out
about the narcissist, you try to say what you did was wrong. Especially covert narcissists,
they do these little passive aggressive things and constantly make you feel like you're the one who's
crazy when you try to bring it up. And sometimes the things that they do are so small, so little.
I've said this example before, but there was an example of a husband who used to stop at
Starbucks all the time. And he would get out of the car and ask the wife if she wanted anything.
And then he would get back in the car and have only his coffee and not what she had asked for.
And she'd say, "What happened to mine?" "Oh, sorry. I forgot." And he would just drive away.
And that's the kind of thing that if you bring it up, it's like, "Oh, you're just so crazy. It was
inadvertent. I didn't mean it." And sometimes these things are so small that it's like,
you think to yourself, "Well, am I going to blow up a marriage over this? Or if I tell people,
do they think I'm sounding petty?" But it's this constant little drip, drip, drip on your forehead
where you just feel like you're going insane. Or I've heard the term death by a thousand
cuts. That's another way that you can describe it. It's just like little by little, you're just being
cut to pieces. So, that's the first one, "You're crazy and you need help."
So nice. Very charming, very charming. The second one is, "You're just insecure
and jealous." So, this is the one where you found texts on the phone with somebody that they work
with, and it seems kind of flirtatious. Or you see pictures where someone else is wearing his jacket.
Or they seem to be a little too chummy at work. And maybe they're talking about stuff
that they shouldn't. You're just starting to see these little signs of things that
don't seem right. They don't add up. And you're just insecure and jealous.
I actually had a client one time who had followed her husband to a hotel with this other woman,
she actually saw them go into the hotel. She even had the credit card receipt that showed that they
had gotten a room at the hotel. They were in there for like an hour. And then they came out
of the hotel room. And she told me that he said nothing happened in the hotel. They just talked.
And she was wanting to know if she should believe him. And honestly, I don't have any judgment about
that because you know what, she had probably lived with such gaslighting for so many years
that she really didn't know what to believe anymore. Even if it's so obvious to the rest of
the world, because he told her, "You're crazy. You're jealous. You're overreacting." And so
she was questioning whether or not she really was because that's gas lighting.
It makes you question your own sanity. The next one is, "It was just a joke."
So they say something super mean like, "Oh, you walk really funny," or "The way you too is weird,"
or something like that. "Oh, I was just joking. It was just ... Can't you just take a joke?
You're so serious. What's wrong with you?" When they say hurtful things. "Oh, ha. That was really
supposed to be just funny. You can't take a joke? Obviously, you're just super stiff and there's
something wrong with you." And if you are so ready to fight back against that narcissist gaslighting,
give me a fight back in the comments. The next one is, "I never said or did that.
I never said that I never did that," even though they clearly said or did that.
Even if you have proof, even if you have emails, whatever it is, they just changed that. "I never
said that exactly." I had a client one time who his soon to be ex-wife said that if he didn't do
what she said, that she wanted him to do, that she was going to contact the authorities. And he wrote
back and said something like, "There's no reason to threaten that you're going to call the cops."
And she wrote back and said, "I never said I was calling the cops. I said I would contact
the authorities." And so clearly, that's just changing it. "I never said that," even though
that's exactly what she said. And she knew that that's what she wanted him to think that she
meant. And so she just changed it. So that's a really, really good example of gaslighting.
Last one is my favorite because when you're dealing with them and negotiating, it's
something you see all the time, which is moving the goalposts. And you see that in negotiation
where they constantly ... you're trying to resolve the issue. And you finally agree to whatever it is
that they are offering. And now all of a sudden, that's no longer on the table. You have to go
and renegotiate it again. And they make it your fault that the deal has changed. And if you want
to know more about moving the goalposts and what that looks like, definitely check out my video
on how narcissists move goalposts. So moving the goalpost is one of the things
that narcissists do in negotiating quite a lot. If you are ready to negotiate with a narcissist
from a place of power, make sure to grab my free Crush My Negotiation prep worksheet. It
is an ebook. It is totally free. You just go to winmynegotiation.com to grab that. If you liked
this video, give me a like, give it a share, drop me a comment, say fight back or whatever it is
that you're dealing with with gaslighting tactics and dealing with that narcissist in your life.
And if you haven't subscribed to my channel, subscribe, hit that notification bell.
And that way you'll get notified when I upload brand new content. I am so glad that you stopped
by my channel. I'm so glad that you're here. Here is where you're going to get actual step-by-step
guidance to actually break free from that narcissist in your life in a way that allows you
to get the fair settlement that you are entitled to. So thanks so much for stopping by. Remember,
today's a great day to start negotiating your best life. I'll see you in the next video.