(keyboard clicking)
- Hey, Instagram.
- What's up?
- What's with this new update?
- What about it?
- Well, it's kinda, I don't know.
Like, inconvenient.
- Seemed pretty straightforward to me.
- It's just you moved the posting and notification buttons.
- Oh, yeah.
I was going for a fresh look.
- But it looks the same.
- Well, no, it doesn't because the buttons are in different,
they're in different spots.
- Yeah, about that.
So the notification button, that's now a shopping button.
- Mm-hmm.
- But now I click on it all the time by accident.
- Oh, shoot.
- Yeah.
- Wow, that's crazy.
- Yeah, it kinda sucks
because I keep accidentally going there
and it's almost as if you want me to be shopping,
but like you tricked me by moving the buttons.
- I would never.
Me?
No, come on!
Psh.
I'm meme guy.
We love memes.
- Yeah, that's okay.
- This guy.
What are you doing?
- Oh, I got a question.
How do you decide what gets advertised to me?
- Oh, I just pick stuff you like.
- Yeah, but how do you know I like it?
- Well, because you..
When you said- (stuttering)
People like you like stuff.
And that's the stuff that I set you up with.
- Okay.
You wouldn't be listening to my conversation,
like my private conversations?
Like, everything you do is above board, right?
- Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah!
Of course.
Course.
Stupid listening.
Hello?
No, I wouldn't.
- Okay, good.
Cool. Yeah.
It's just weird because I was having a conversation
with my friend the other day and I was making a joke
about how I was gonna get her lawn flamingos
for her birthday and then I got all these ads
for lawn flamingos.
- Wow, that's a coincidence.
Should you get a lottery ticket?
I wonder.
- Yeah.
Well, it's pretty suspect, actually.
- Well, you know what?
Now you know where to buy them.
Ain't that nice?
- Are you listening to my conversations?
- Huh? - Oh, my God.
You totally are.
You're listening to my conversations.
- No. (laughing)
Yeah, no, no.
- You totally do.
You can't do that.
You can't listen in on my life
and sell me things when I don't wanna be sold to.
I'm not your puppet who you can just play like a fiddle.
This is my private life.
- Okay, okay.
I get it.
And what I've done is very wrong and I'm terribly sorry.
- Well, that's not good enough.
You are spying on people.
- Spying, spying.
Come on, what is this, a Cold War?
I'm not spying.
- This is criminal.
You know everything about me.
You know my likes, my dislikes, my crushes, my friends.
- What you look like naked.
- What?
- Well, don't send a nude in the DMs
if you don't want me to see.
- Holy shit, this is insane.
I'm done.
I am done using this.
- Oh, come on!
- No, I've had it.
I'm deleting it right now.
Here we go. - Wait, wait, wait!
Wait, wait, wait.
I get it.
You're upset.
You feel hard done by and it's totally fair.
You can delete the app.
You can delete me.
It's your choice.
You have the free will to do so.
But maybe for me, just one last time,
just could you watch this pimple popping video?
- What? - For me?
I know, it's a weird ask.
I know, but it's just this one here.
- Fine.
This one?
Whoa.
Is that a blackhead?
- Yeah. It's a good one, isn't it?
And then look at the next one.
And look, there's one after that.
Look how bad that one is.
Isn't it gross?
- Whoa, I can't look away, but it's so gross.
(sucking in)
Why does it make me have to swallow like that?
Oh, my gosh, is that one a cyst?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, I meant to check.
I wanna see how my ex is doing.
Lots of likes on my
last post.
Oh, shit, I'm back at the shopping page.
Oh, those are cute overalls.
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