WELCOME
WELCOME BACK, IS IT JUST US OR HAVE YOU NOTICED YOUR KID SEEM
TO BE MORE DISRESPECTFUL THESE
DAYS?
DAYS?
DAYS? WE
DAYS? WE SEE CHILDREN AND TEENAGERS
IGNORING ADULTS, COPPING AN
ATTITUDE, NOT USING MANNERS,
AND IT IS AND JUST WHEN THEY
ARE BURIED IN THEIR SMART
PHONES.
PHONES.
PHONES. WHAT IS HAPPENING AND HOW DO WE
FIX IT?
FIX IT?
FIX IT? WE THOUGHT WE DIVE INTO THIS IN
REAL TALK, HERE WITH US IS CARA
KNEER AUTHOR OF THE BOOK LIFE
SERIES , LIFE.
IN MAKING HIS REAL TALK DEBUT,
KEVIN DWYER, WELCOME.
>> I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE WRONG
STUDIO.
STUDIO.
STUDIO. PARENTING.
PARENTING. >>> EVERYONE HERE HAS CHILDREN.
KIRA HAS THE YOUNGEST.
KEVIN YOU AND I HAVE 2 GIRLS
EACH ABOUT THE SAME AGE.
>> HOW ABOUT YOU ?
>> I HAVE THE 20-YEAR-OLD, 28
AND 25.
AND 25.
AND 25. >>> I WAS ASKING BETH, EVERY
GENERATION, THIS IS THE WORST
OF THIS, EVERY GENERATION SEEMS
TO POINT THE FINGER.
IS THIS THE CASE OF THAT,
BECAUSE YOU HAVE OLDER KIDS ARE
WEIRD EXPERIENCING MORE OF AN
ATTITUDE ISSUE NOW BECAUSE OF
THINGS I MENTIONED.
MOST OF IT BEING TECHNOLOGY-
RELATED?
RELATED?
RELATED? >> I DO THINK THERE IS MORE OF
IT THAN THERE USED TO BE.
I ALSO THINK IT HAS A LOT TO DO
WITH THE INDIVIDUAL CHILD.
SOME OF THEM COME OUT MORE
SASSY.
SASSY.
SASSY. SOME OF THEM COME OUT MORE
LIPPY AND SOME BECAUSE OF THEIR
PERSONALITIES, WE PARENT THEM
DIFFERENTLY AND LET THEM IT
AWAY WITH MORE BECAUSE WE GET
TIRED.
TIRED.
TIRED. WE
TIRED. WE DON'T FEEL LIKE ADDRESSING
IT.
IT.
IT. IT'S
IT. IT'S A COMBINATION, IT MAY SEEM
LIKE A COPOUT OF AN ANSWER, BUT
THAT IS WHAT I'VE SEEN.
WE SPENT LESS TIME WITH OUR
CHILDREN ALSO I THINK.
THE FOLLOW-THROUGH, THE
CORRECTION AND ALL OF THAT
COULD BE LESS.
>> WE ARE DISTRACTED AS WELL.
DO YOU AGREE, WHAT I THOUGHT
YOU'RE GOING TO SAY, WAS IT'S
AN ISSUE WITH PARENTS BUT YOU
SAID A CHILD, BUT I THOUGHT
YOU'RE GOING TO SAY PARENTING
OF ALL TO A PLACE, OUR CHILDREN
ARE PERFECT.
ARE PERFECT. WHEN I GREW UP, THAT WASN'T THE
CASE.
CASE.
CASE. THERE WAS A CHILD WITH A
PROBLEM AT SCHOOL, IT WAS
ALWAYS WHAT DID YOU DO.
DO YOU THINK IT'S A PARENT,
CHILD ISSUE, A LITTLE OF BOTH ?
>> I AM ONE OF 5. WE ARE ALL
WIRED A LITTLE DIFFERENTLY.
SOME ARE CRAZY AND SOME ARE NOT.
I THINK THE PARENTING ISSUE,
YOU SEE MORE DUAL WORKING
FAMILIES.
FAMILIES.
FAMILIES. WHEN YOU GET HOME AT 6 OR 7:00,
IT'S LIKE, I DON'T WANT IT DEAL
WITH THIS RIGHT NOW.
>> YOU BACK BURNER THOSE
THINGS, BECAUSE WE ARE
OVERWHELMED AS PARENTS.
I KNOW YOURS ARE VERY YOUNG AND
THEY ARE PERFECT.
WHAT YOU SEE, IF NOT FROM YOUR
OWN DO YOU BELIEVE THIS IS A
REAL ISSUE, PARENTS ARE BUSIER
THAN EVER BEFORE SO IT MAKES
US, HARD TO RESPOND IMMEDIATELY
AND WE ARE LETTING THINGS SLIDE
?
?
? >>
? >> I
? >> I DO
? >> I DO THINK WHAT BASSETT SAID
IS IMPORTANT ABOUT HOW WE MIGHT
PARENT OUR CHILDREN
DIFFERENTLY.
DIFFERENTLY. YOU MENTIONED YOU ARE ONE OF 5
SEE YOU THINK HOW CAN WE ALL BE
SO DIFFERENT, RACED IN THE SAME
PLACE UNDER THE SAME
CIRCUMSTANCES BUT WE ARE POLAR
OPPOSITES.
OPPOSITES. I SEE MYSELF DOING IT ALREADY
EVEN THOUGH MY YOUNGEST HAS
ONLY BEEN AROUND 2 YEARS, I
DON'T KNOW IF YOU FORGET, HE'S
SO FUNNY AND I LIKE THINGS
SLIDE AND JAMES WILL SAY HOW
CAN YOU LAUGH AT HIM ALL THE
TIME.
TIME.
TIME. I'M
TIME. I'M GETTING IN TROUBLE IN YOUR
LIFE IN -- AND YOU'RE LAUGHING
AT ISAAC.
AT ISAAC.
AT ISAAC. OR HE THINKS HE CAN GET AWAY
WITH THINGS IF HE GETS A LAUGH
OUT OF PEOPLE.
>>> THAT'S NOT GOING DOWN.
NO MORE LAUGHING.
>>> SHE WILL RUN OUT OF THE
ROOM.
ROOM.
ROOM. >>
ROOM. >> I DO THINK ALSO, AS PARENTS
AND WE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE
IN REAL TALK.
A LOT OF PARENTS ARE TRYING TO
BE KIDS FRIENDS.
SO THEY DON'T PUT THEIR
DISTRICT PUT ON THEIR FOOT IN
THEIR HOT FISHING IN THEIR ART
CONSEQUENCES AND I'VE SEEN A
LOT OF PARENTS THAT AREN'T
GETTING RESPECT FROM THEIR KIDS
BUT THEY AREN'T SHOWING THEIR
KIDS ANY RESPECT.
HEAR ME OUT.
I'M NOT SAYING THE RESPECT
SHOULD BE THE SAME, BUT YOU
CAN'T ROLE MODEL CUSSING AT
YOUR CHILD OR THROWING TANTRUMS
OR SCREAMING AND NOT EXPECT
YOUR CHILDREN TO HAVE THAT
VOICE COME BACK TO YOU.
>> I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THAT.
>> THAT IS ALSO A THING WITH
THE PHONE.
THE PHONE. MY YOUNGEST, I WOULD CARRY MY
PHONE AROUND AND CHECK EMAILS
AND NOW HE IS ALWAYS LIKE MY
PHONE AND HE TRIES TO TAKE MY
PHONE SO I HAVE TO PUT IT UP
WHEN I GO IN A ROOM BECAUSE I
DON'T WANT TO FIGHT WITH THEM.
NOW THIS IS MOMMY SONG.
NOW, MY PHONE.
>>> THEY HAVE ACCESS TO SO
MUCH.
MUCH.
MUCH. YOU
MUCH. YOU FORGET WHAT THEY SEE IS
ALSO HOW THEY ACT.
IT'S HARD TO CONTROL AND STOP
EVERYTHING THAT COMES THROUGH
ON THEIR.
ON THEIR.
ON THEIR. >> HAD 5 AND 2 YOU DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT BUT AT 10 EVERYONE HAS
A PHONE.
A PHONE.
A PHONE. >>> AND WHAT ABOUT MUSIC, THE
NEIGHBORS, MAKING THIS VIDEO.
IT IS AN APP.
IT IS PRETTY HARMLESS BUT IT'S
ALL ABOUT MAKING THE VIDEOS.
ARE YOUR GIRLS DOING THAT ?
>> OH YES.
>>> AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW
IT.
IT.
IT. >>
IT. >> IT'S A PROBLEM.
>>> LET'S GET BACK, THIS IS AT
THE CORE OF THE ISSUE, THE
FRIENDSHIP THING.
FRIENDSHIP THING. WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THAT.
I REALLY DO FEEL LIKE THESE
DAYS WHERE TRYING TO BE MORE,
MY MOM WAS AN AMAZING MOTHER
AND THOSE WERE TOUGH YEARS IN
HIGH SCHOOL.
HIGH SCHOOL. SHE WAS NOT MY FRIEND.
SHE WAS TRYING TO SEND ME TO
PRIVATE SCHOOL AND WE WERE NOT
CLOSE BACK THEN AND WE ARE
CLOSER THAN EVER NOW.
WHAT IS IT ABOUT THIS TIME
PERIOD, WOULD YOU THINK YOUR
GIRLS, ARE YOU SEEING SASSINESS
?
?
? >>
? >> NOW,
? >> NOW, YES.
BUT THAT'S THE HARD PART.
I WAS RAISED WITH ALL BOYS.
>> 5 BOYS.
>>> ONE SISTER.
18 MONTHS APART.
>> THAT'S WHY MY MOM DRINKS A
LOT.
LOT.
LOT. >>>
LOT. >>> ALSO IT ENDS UP BEING, AS
DAUGHTER'S, SHE IS PROBABLY
MORE A DISCIPLINARIAN THAT I AM
IN IT MAY BE DIFFERENT IF I HAD
BOYS.
BOYS.
BOYS. >>
BOYS. >> IS THAT THE RIGHT THING?
I SEE THAT WITH JIM.
HE DOESN'T GET INVOLVED UNTIL I
LITERALLY AM SOBBING, ON THE
EDGE.
EDGE.
EDGE. HELP ME.
HELP ME.
HELP ME. AND THEN HE STEPS IN.
BUT IT REALLY TAKES BOTH TO BE
ON THE SAME PAGE.
>>> A LOT OF TIMES I SAY I
PARENT FROM A SELFISH PLACE.
I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A BUNCH OF
RULES SO YOU JUST DON'T GET THE
PHONE.
PHONE.
PHONE. I
PHONE. I DON'T WANT TO MAKE A LOT OF
RULES ABOUT WATCHING TV SO YOU
JUST DON'T GET IT BECAUSE I
DON'T WANT TO MESS WITH IT
BECAUSE THEN I GET EXHAUSTED
AND ANGRY.
AND ANGRY. >> CARE ISN'T GOING TO MESS
WITH IT.
WITH IT.
WITH IT. >> SO SIT IN YOUR ROOM AND READ
A BOOK.
A BOOK.
A BOOK. >>> AT LEAST YOU'RE HONEST.
WHEN I WAS A KIDS NO ONE PUT UP
VALUABLES OFF THE COFFEE TABLE.
WE WERE TOLD DON'T TOUCH THE
PRETTY FLOWERS AND YOU DIDN'T
TOUCH THEM.
TOUCH THEM. >> OR YOU GOT THE BELT.
>>> OR YOU WERE SITTING
SOMEWHERE YOURSELF.
SOMEWHERE YOURSELF. TODAY, PARENTS, BECAUSE WE ARE
TIME SHORT AND WE DON'T WANT
THE AGGRAVATION WE HAVE NOTHING
ON OUR COFFEE TABLES.
WE CHILDPROOF.
WE CHILDPROOF. ARE WE STARTING THE MESSAGE
EARLY THAT WE WILL REMOVE THE
PROBLEM OR AVOID IT RATHER THAN
DEALING WITH IT SO THE KIDS
UNDERSTAND, THIS IS WHAT YOU DO
AND WHAT YOU DON'T DO AND THIS
IS WHY.
IS WHY.
IS WHY. >> IN CONSEQUENCES.
THIS PARTICULAR CHILD BEHAVIOR
EXPERT SAYS WHAT CAN WE DO TO
FIX IT AND SHE HAS SUGGESTIONS.
FIRST WE ARE DIVING TO CUT YOUR
CHILD IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.
THAT IS A TOUGH ONE.
I WANT THAT.
I DIDN'T HAVE KIDS UNTIL I WAS
40.
40.
40. >>
40. >> YOU HAVE ENOUGH FRIENDS.
>>> CATCH DISRESPECT EARLY AND
PLAN AHEAD IF YOU CAN, WHAT YOU
THINK ABOUT THAT?
>> IT'S THE SAME WITH MANNERS.
EVER SINCE THEY COULD TALK THEY
DON'T GET THINGS UNLESS THEY
USE MANNERS BECAUSE IT COMES
SECOND NATURE.
SECOND NATURE. SAME THING WITH DISRESPECT.
MODELED AFTER YOU AND YOUR
PARTNER AND HOW THEY TREAT EACH
OTHER.
OTHER.
OTHER. >>> SO TRUE, WHAT YOU THINK
ABOUT THAT?
ABOUT THAT? >> THE INTERESTING THING, IF
YOU'RE, CHANGING THE TOPIC, IF
YOU'RE WITH FRIENDS KIDS AND
THEY ARE DISRESPECTFUL, WHAT IS
THE RULE?
THE RULE?
THE RULE? CAN YOU DISCIPLINE ?
>> THAT IS PART 2 OF THIS
ROUNDTABLE BECAUSE WE'VE BEEN
FACED WITH THAT.
OH NO, DON'T DO WHAT CINDY IS
DOING AND CINDY YOU NEED TO
STOP BUT THAT'S A GOOD
QUESTION.
QUESTION.
QUESTION. >>> YOU HAVE TO NIP IT IN THE
BUD EARLY.
BUD EARLY. >> I LIKE TO CALL IT THE REDO.
IF A YOUNG CHILD OR EVEN A
TEENAGER OR ADULT CHILD, MY OWN
ADULT CHILDREN.
ADULT CHILDREN. MY MOM ALWAYS SAID IT'S NOT
WHAT YOU SAID IT'S HOW YOU SET
IT.
IT.
IT. I
IT. I HATED THAT.
SO THEY WILL SAY SOMETHING TO
ME AND I WILL BE LIKE DO YOU
WANT TO TRY THAT AGAIN.
MAKE THEM REPEAT IT CORRECTLY.
>>> THEY HEAR THEMSELVES.
THEY KNOW THEY ARE OUT OF LINE.
IF YOU STOLE IT -- START THAT
REALLY YOUNG AND YOU MAKE THEM
REDO IT KIDS ARE LAZY.
THEY WON'T WANT TO REDO IT SO
THEY WILL START TO DO IT THE
RIGHT WAY THE FIRST TIME.
>>> I LIKE THAT.
TALK ABOUT BEING IN ALIGNMENT
WITH YOUR MATE.
DO YOU FEEL YOU ARE IN
ALIGNMENT?
ALIGNMENT? THIS WAS QUOTING HER TIPS.
GET IN ALIGNMENT WITH YOUR MATE
IN YOUR PARENTING.
>>> WE'VE HAD THAT DISCUSSION.
IF I'M TRYING TO BE THE FUNNY,
NICE GUY AND SHE'S NOT.
IT'S LIKE HEY, I WANT TO BE THE
FRIEND AT TIMES ESPECIALLY WITH
DAUGHTERS.
DAUGHTERS. THE SCARY PART, AS WE COME INTO
THE TEENAGE YEARS I FEEL LIKE I
NEED TO GET THE HEADPHONES ON
AND BE I WILL SEE YOU IN 3
YEARS.
YEARS.
YEARS. >>
YEARS. >> BUT YOU CAN'T.
>>> BUT I'M THERE FOR MY MATE,
I AM THERE FOR HER.
>> DON IF YOU'RE WATCHING.
>>> WHAT ABOUT NUMBER 4, DON'T
TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
>> I DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY,
I JUST WANT THEM TO STOP.
MOSTLY IT'S CAROLINE LATELY.
>>> AS FAR AS MY KIDS I DON'T
TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
BUT IF ME AND MY HUSBAND ARE ON
THE SAME PAGE -- AREN'T ON THE
SAME PAGE I GET UPSET.
IF SOMETHING IS GOING ON HE
DOESN'T LIKE AND HE SAYS WE ARE
GOING TO DO THAT, I FEEL LIKE
IT'S DIRECTED TOWARDS ME.
DON'T SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.
DO NOT SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY.
>>> JIM DOES THAT, AND HE SAID
YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE IS
NO FOLLOW-THROUGH.
NO FOLLOW-THROUGH. YOU TOLD HIM YOU'RE GOING TO DO
SOMETHING.
SOMETHING. >>> I SAID I'VE BEEN WITH THEM
SINCE 3, DON'T COME IN AND
OVERHEAR SOMETHING AND THINK
YOU HAVE THE ANSWER.
SORRY KEVIN.
SORRY KEVIN. >> I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SPORTS
SHOW.
SHOW.
SHOW. I'M
SHOW. I'M NOT SURE HOW I ENDED UP, IS
THIS THE WRONG STUDIO ?
>> WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY
ABOUT THAT, WRAPPING IT UP.
I THINK THE MAIN THING, IF YOU
ARE DIVORCED, BY THE WAY.
GUYS YOU HAVE TO BE ALIGNED
WITH THE MOM OR THE DATA.
>> IT'S HARD NOT TO TAKE IT
PERSONALLY I THINK.
BUT YOU HAVE TO REALIZE THAT
HALF THE TIME I THINK THE KIDS
DON'T MEAN IT.
WHAT PARENT HASN'T HAD A KID
SAY I HATE YOU, I WISH YOU
WEREN'T MY MOMMY.
THAT ONE HURT.
THAT ONE HURT.
MY DAUGHTER WAS PACKING HER
BAGS AND GOING TO JILL'S HOUSE
BECAUSE SHE HAD A POOL.
I SAID I WILL TAKE YOU TO
JILL'S HOUSE BUT CAN WE WAIT
UNTIL MORNING.
UNTIL MORNING. AND THEN SHE REALIZED I WASN'T
TALKING HER IN AND THAT WAS
DEVASTATING.
DEVASTATING. >> I LOVE THAT YOU COLD
SHOULDERED YOUR DAUGHTER.
>> PACK YOUR BAGS SWEETHEART.
>> TALK YOURSELF AND.
I'M GOING DOWN TO WATCH TV.
>> I WILL HIRE YOU TO HELP ME
DURING THESE ROUGH YEARS, AND
WE KNOW THEY WILL BE ROUGH.
>> WE WANT YOUR THOUGHTS, WEIGH
IN ON THIS ON FACEBOOK, WHAT DO
WE DO AND HOW DO WE GET TO