I've mentioned that is really common for a narcissist to just use you until you no longer
serve their goals.
You can call it the Meghan-Morgan effect.
But what can you do with those that just won't go away? you're about to find out.
Welcome back, my body language buddies! my name is Jesús Enrique Rosas, I'm the Body
Language Guy, and it would be great if you join us by just liking this video, subscribing
and hitting that bell! let's get down to it!
In fact, if a narcissist drops you, it's a good thing, for one.
Because you do not have to deal with them anymore.
The only problem is that, when you realize that these extremely charming and seductive
people were just using you, you end up feeling like a fool, pretty much like anyone that
bought and worse of all, USED a Shake Weight.
Well, maybe they found other... creative uses to it.
It all depends of the type of 'your' narcisissist.
And just to be clear, I really don't like when people call these toxic people like that.
They say "my narcissist" this, "my narcissist" that.
That is just plain wrong.
First rule, from now on: do not call them 'my narcissist', because that's an illusion
of ownership that is just conditioning your perception in a very bad way.
I mentioned that it's important to know what is the type of the manipulative narcissist
in your life, because the more grandiose and power hungry they are, the less likely they
will stay with you for a long time.
And this is not a rule of thumb, but social climbers are called like that for a reason.
They use people as steps, so once they step on you and then proceed to the next, then,
you're basically free.
But what happens when it's a narcissist that doesn't have any particular ambition, and
once they are stuck onto you, they just want to stay?
This is the worst case scenario, because it's the most common source of vicious circles
in relationships.
You enter a relationship of codependency where you are the enabler that just keeps condoning
or even supporting the narcissist's actions, even if those actions end up harming you directly.
That's why these situations can really mess up with your perception of abuse.
Like trying to watch the last Charlie's Angels movie all the way to the end.
But let's say that you're at a stage where you've already aware that there is something
flat out wrong with this person.
That is great.
The first step is awareness.
You realize that you are being used.
Besides a great hit to your self perception, we hit the first real roadblock.
That roadblock is, what is your relationship with this person?
How dependent are you on them?
For example, are they coworkers? or a boss or supervisor? is someone in your group of
friends? or a cousin, or uncle?
And of course, the most difficult scenarios are your mother, or your father, or it's your
husband, and you're financially dependent on them and you have small kids.
Now, I want to make something absolutely clear.
There are zero people in this planet, ZERO, that have any right to manipulate you in any
way possible.
And this applies especially if the narcissist is your mother or father.
You have all the right of just cutting them out of your life.
Plain old ghosting.
Just like that.
I'm not saying that it's going to be easy, especially if you still depend on them in
some way.
But the hardest scenario is the one I mentioned.
That you're married to the narcissist, and you have small kids.
But no matter the circumstances, I guarantee you that you're stronger than whatever you're
going through.
This is really important to acknowledge in yourself, realize and understand.
I know for a fact that you can overcome any situation that involves a narcissist.
And the first step is understanding how can you hijack the dependency that this toxic
personality has created upon you.
Now, I've seen a lot of comments that claim that is dangerous trying to outsmart a narcissist.
And I'm sure that this video is going to get a fair share of that kind of remarks.
That is just missing the point.
Because that implies that all narcissists are super smart people that cannot be fooled
or outsmarted.
Well, at least Ellen was proof that a narcissist can outsmart another narcissist.
That is wrong.
That is not real.
The majority of narcissists are no more intelligent than a regular person.
So let's get that myth out of the way first.
Because enablers, people that are victims of narcissists, always ask the same question.
Can a narcissist be healed, or cured, or changed, or redeemed?
I'm going to be blunt this time.
No, they can't.
It is not possible.
That's like bringing Harry's hair back.
And most important, you are not responsible for their behavior or change in behavior.
Now, this video is about what to do if a narcissist won't go away.
And I'm sure you're wondering, when do we get to the special formula? the nine steps,
or whatever it's called?
The fact is what I've told you so far is half the work.
It's the internal work that you have to understand about yourself.
About your self perception and how the most important person in your life is you.
And of course, your kids, if you have them.
Because the most important anchor that helps the narcissist keep clinging on to you is
every single wrong belief, such as, "I cannot do anything about this", or "I just depend
on him", or "I deserve to be treated like this", or "Society is going to turn their
backs on me", or one of my favorites, "I should be strong enough to withstand this".
That is the worst version of being messed up.
All of that is just plain horsesh*t.
And all of that starts in your mind.
In the way your mind has changed in this relationship, a change that occurred because of fear.
Fear of losing your job, or fear of being punished by God, or fear of being alone, or
any other fear that you can come up with.
There are dozens of recommendations out there, starting from ghosting the narcissist, or
ignoring them, or blocking them.
And that is the best first step in almost any situation.
But that's why I made it absolutely clear that your experience is unique, and it can
be really difficult for you, and it doesn't mean that you're weak or anything.
It means that, pretty much the same way you cannot control any person's behavior, you
cannot control a narcissist's behavior.
That is simply not possible.
So if you want them out of your life for good, you first have to focus in whatever is becoming
an attachment for them to keep reconnecting over and over again with you.
Remember that one of their favorite tactics is making you feel guilty.
And they know how to trigger that guilt inside you.
So, if they keep coming and staying, and making your life miserable is because they still
find hooks in YOU that they can use to reattach and keep the toxic relationship going.
Now, let's make something absolutely clear.
This does not mean that you're to blame for this.
On the contrary, it was your goodwill in the first place, that made you a victim.
This person took advantage of you from the first moment and just keeps getting back.
You are NOT to blame for this, because that's one of the tactics that THEY use to keep coming
back.
What this actually means is that you have the power to identify the hooks that the narcissist
keeps using to come back, to reignite the relationship.
And this is important, because getting to this level of self awareness will help you
not repeat the pattern again in future relationships.
Again, every single situation is unique.
Your situation is unique.
One thing that could work in almost every case is, if this is about a romantic relationship,
think about what made you feel good about this person in the first place?
And be honest with that assessment.
For example, if you think that you did not feel lonely anymore, that their company made
you feel great, and safe, and happy, then it's important to have a serious introspection
to understand why being lonely, or alone, is something that you dread.
Because, think about this.
You should feel great, and safe, and happy, EVEN if you are alone.
This is just an example.
This is just to understand and verify that whatever this person made you feel in the
first place, was not out of your fear of something.
Fear of the lack of something.
If you start a relationship because you fear being alone, and the person is a narcissist,
they don't have to be smart to detect that and use it against you.
Or in Meghan's case, she just had to cosplay like Diana.
That's why I repeat this, over and over again, we are not used to ponder, and reflect, and
think about how do we feel.
Understand our own emotions.
Because in the end, they are the driving force behind our decisions.
If you want to know more about narcissistic relationships, make sure to check the playlist
of my videos on how to spot, recognize and defend yourself against them.
If you want to refine your observation skills, all you have to do is download my 100+ body
language tips, right in the description of this video.
My name is Jesús Enrique Rosas and it will always be a pleasure, my body language buddies!
Much Love, and Bliss.