Alright, let's talk about, let's talk about the listening.
When I'm talking about you listening, you know, you say they're not listening, but let's
get tactical.
All right.
So, so I want you to take responsibility.
I want you to be accepting.
I want you to remain in the right mindset and the right demeanor and even level of calmness.
I'm talking about.
Not that you know, you're like a corpse and you're, you don't have a pulse rate.
I'm talking about your remaining, even keeled.
I, but now we got to get tactically into, well, what happens when we're having the dialogue
with them?
And I don't know if you caught this one.
I said, you know, people, you know, people might say, well, I want to be listened to
no, I think they really want to be understood.
But when you, when you, when you were listening to them, are you paying attention to the unheard
cause?
Okay, this, this here is where the magic is.
And I am not going to tell you, well, just listen and pay attention.
You know why?
Because even if you were most of the time when people are under duress, they're not
using words that are congruent with, what's actually the problem, right?
Normally their behavior is masking the reason for their dismay, what they're afraid of,
what they're trying to avoid.
What's upsetting them.
And, and, and, and you're not a mind reader, right?
So, so I would love to tell you, well, just listen and pay attention because people want
to be listened to.
But what I would really say is they don't want to be heard.
Right?
They want to be understood.
And in order for you to understand them, you can't rely on the words they're using solely.
You get that, right.
How many of you just raise your hands?
Right?
Are you, have you ever taught yet?
You're married.
You got friends, right?
You talking to somebody and they're using words.
And you're like, why are you?
Why are you so upset?
Right?
Like, like that doesn't make any sense.
Right?
It's just doesn't make any sense to you because you don't have all the facts.
You're not down here.
You're, you're trying to do this and you're not doing this.
And it not because you're bad people and you don't want to it's that.
They're not making it easier for you that this happens, right.
This is why it's so difficult sometimes.
And then you're trying to be all with logical when it's totally emotional, right?
So you need to, you need to get at this a, how do you do that?
Right?
How do you get here?
This is, this is where the magic is.
Well, I would tell you, because your answer, this thing is here.
It's in there.
Why that unheard.
Cause is there, why?
So, why do you think, what you think is more important to me than what you think?
Why does that matter?
Why is that important?
Why are you so upset?
Right?
So, so you've got to get here.
Now.
I could say to you, well, if you, if you just listened, wouldn't you get there?
No, you won't know that, that, that would be bad coaching on my part.
Right?
Because that would also mean that they're using words that explain exactly why this
is important.
Why this matters, why this matters to me, why this should matter to you?
Why I care about it, why it's going to make a difference or whatever.
Okay.
So wide, how do you do that?
Since you're not a mind reader, last time I checked, nor was I, I use these.
Okay.
Asking is nice, right?
This is you.
Do you know what?
This is?
This is you taking step one to say, I'm Lee.
I'm not only listening to you and I care, but I care so much that I want to know this,
because this is what's going to help us move forward.
Why do you think, why do you think that?
Did I work strictly feel so fast?
I can't even read my, I can't read stuff.
Why do you think that?
Why is that important to you?
Right?
Why does that matter?
Pick?
And by the way, how you write, we did the whole Al Albert Mehrabian thing, right?
The seven 30, eight 55 rules, 7% words, 38% tone, 55% body language.
Just go with me on this.
Right?
How you, how you say what you say matters, right?
So, Hey, why help me understand?
Why is that important?
Right?
Help me understand.
Explain that to me.
But you get, you get, this is, this is to me, active listening in the kindest, most
empathetic way you do this, you will, you will alter well here again.
I'm not trying to cure every ordinary person in the world.
I'm just trying to give you some tools that will help you change the mindset of the person
you're interacting with.
Why does that matter?
Right?
This, this is getting this, we'll get this, we'll get you here.
This will get you to this.
That's why that's so important.
Okay?
You got to get it, their wife, you cannot assume that your why is the same as their,
why?
Okay.
If you can't, what I care about might not be the same thing you care about.
Right.
And I know some of you were saying, well, Hey, they're not listening or they're overreacting
or this or that, or they're dishonest.
They're wise different.
You might be this, you know, a work example.
You might be focused on the greater good, um, you know, for, for, for your customers
where they're focused on their next promotion.
Right?
So, so that's gonna make it difficult for you to set an example, but you get what I'm
saying.
If you understand their motivation, then at a minimum, you can make an assessment of how
best to handle this.
All right.
So I want, before I go onto the next thing about just tactically and the interaction,
you've got to get it there.
Why?
Without that you're lost.
You are, you're lost.
Why, if you don't know why you can't reason, well, you can't, you can't elicit positive
responses.
You can't grow together as a team, which is what you are in this discussion with them.
Okay?