Matt: Insecurity is flat-out unattractive and pushes people away from you without you
even realizing it but insecurity is just the feeling it's
not a fact the truth is you can work on things that you feel insecure about even
things that you can't even change and become confident in yourself and in this
video I'll show you how my name is Matt artisan from the attractive man and this
is how to stop being insecure mastered the art
we've done all the testing we know what works now this won't be your typical
video on the topic just telling you to believe in yourself and give yourself a
hug and a pat on your back no because oftentimes insecurity is
deeper than that and stems from your identity or maybe you have a core belief
that women only like tall rich buff guys and anything that goes against that or
disproves that core beliefs threatens your identity so you need to train your
mind to stop seeing yourself as this is Who I am and it's set in stone and start
viewing yourself as a more fluid concept someone whose beliefs are constantly
evolving and even upgrading and instead of trying to prove yourself right all
the time see another tall buff rich guy with a hot girl try to prove yourself
wrong in fact try to disprove your own identity well at least the things that
are making you feel insecure now you might be wondering how do I even know
what my identity is well a quick exercise that you can do right now is to
write down five adjectives that best describe yourself fact go ahead and do
it right now pause this video and write down five adjectives I'll be waiting
did you write down anything that you wish wasn't true or maybe you wrote down
some facts like I'm too short or I'm Indian well do you have any destructive
beliefs around those adjectives for example maybe you have a belief that
women don't like short Indian guys if so then I want you to start seeking out
evidence to disprove it and I'll talk a little bit more about that later in the
video or maybe you wrote down five positive adjectives but do you have a
hundred percent control over all of them for example maybe you wrote down
friendly caring awesome guitar player popular and giving those are great but
if you think about it popular isn't 100% your choice if you walk into a room and
you don't know anybody then you're probably not gonna feel too popular and
you might start feeling a little insecure the truth is I used to feel
really insecure about my big nose balding hair and being way too skinny I
was 135 pounds in high school and these steps helped me overcome those feelings
of inadequacy and feel a lot better about my
so despite being far from perfect so step number one is you've got to stop
comparing yourself to others and this can be really difficult nowadays with
social media and particularly Instagram remember that people just post the best
from their lives they rarely if ever post any of their flaws remember that
it's a highlight reel of their lives they only let you see what they want you
to see so if you compare yourself to that well then you can never really live
up to that because it's perfection but the truth is nobody is perfect nobody
lives a perfect life and you're not seeing all their problems their
insecurities their struggles and all the negative things that life throws at them
so limit your social media don't spend you know so much time looking at
people's feeds and only follow close friends family members and positive
influencers I mean if it inspires you then great but if it makes you feel
insecure in comparison then unfollow them there's always gonna be somebody
bigger or better so accept it it doesn't mean that you should give up it just
means that you should use your own metric for success instead of using
somebody else's so from now on only compare yourself to you while comparing
is necessary to see where you rank yourself it doesn't make sense to
compare yourself to somebody who might have very different values it only makes
sense to compare yourself to your past self how far have you come did you
achieve your goals and by the way if you're not reaching your goals maybe you
need to change your goals so every 30 days every six months in every 12 months
or you can do it every quarter I want you to take inventory of yourself and
compare how far you've come maybe you've been working out consistently and eating
a lot healthier then take pictures every month and after a few months compare how
far you've progressed does it make sense to compare yourself to Arnold
Schwarzenegger who worked out six days a week for six hours straight another
example comes from one of my favorite bands Metallica who back in the day they
had a guitar player named Dave Mustaine who for some reason they kicked him out
of the band I don't know why and he obviously felt really bad about that but
he decided to use that as motivation to start a new band and become very success
which is a great idea by the way don't dwell and wallow in your self-pity
instead use that as motivation but the problem was that his metric for success
was Metallica and even though he had thousands if not millions of adoring
fans and was making millions of dollars and had one of the most famous metal
bands in history he still didn't feel happy and he still felt really insecure
as he talked about in some of his interviews so don't compare yourself to
others instead only compare yourself to yourself and just like there's always
someone better than you there's also someone worse than you
someone's looking at the short guy thinking wow he's so lucky to be 5-1 I'm
only 4 1 and someone else is looking at the little person thinking wow he's so
lucky he can walk I can't and another person looks at the guy in the
wheelchair and thinks wow he's so lucky that he can go outside I'm stuck in this
hospital do you get the point
step two is change what you can and accept what you can't the first step in
this is to stop complaining for example when it comes to dating if you're
insecure about not having enough money then anytime the thought that rich men
are the only ones that can attract beautiful women enters your mind you
need to shift that mindset to something else like wealth isn't the only thing
that beautiful women are attracted to decent women are more concerned with how
the guy makes her feel and other important attributes so to switch this
way of thinking I want you to use the rubber band technique every time a
sabotaging thought enters your mind snap the rubber band on your wrist like
that does hurt and trust me your thought patterns will change next start taking
action towards improving your weaknesses the things that you can control let it
motivate you for example with money look at people like jay-z Oprah or Tony
Robbins who came from extreme levels of poverty and are now extremely wealthy
there are certain things that you can change like how much money you make or
being too skinny or too overweight if you don't like the way you look you can
go to the gym lift heavy weights eat healthy improve your wardrobe etc if you
don't like your hair get a haircut if you don't like being bald then get a
hair transplant which I did by the way or just accept it by the way your
personality can change it's not set in stone it's not defined by nature I
believe that you have full control and becoming the person that you want to be
for example in high school I was extremely insecure nervous I had very
few friends and I was at the bottom of the popular food chain but I started
working on myself I started reading self-development books and I took small
steps and actions every single day and eventually my confidence in charisma
increased a lot especially compared to where I came from Jon kabat-zinn said
you can't stop the waves but you can learn how to surf so own it and accept
it because why worry about something that you have no control over as soon as
you embrace it and accept yourself for who you are it frees you in fact I want
you to learn to love your insecurities so as an exercise I want you to write
down 20 positives you get from it let's say you're a very
short guy and you're single so you'd like to attract beautiful women well you
might write down that it kind of makes you the underdog which is like a fun
challenge right you're working on your personality because you don't have that
extra looks and height to attract women you have to rely on your personality and
then you know that when a woman really likes you it's not just because she's
physically attracted to you it's because she likes the real you maybe you also
get away with a lot more when it comes to interacting with women because you
don't intimidate them so much maybe you can escalate really fast on them because
they think you're really cute and adorable maybe it caused you to work
harder in other aspects of your life like body building or building a
business for example I have a friend that's 5-1 and he owns 50 restaurant
businesses and will probably be a billionaire in a few years and maybe he
wouldn't have worked that hard if he was 6 1 and women just threw themselves at
him start appreciating all that you have because no matter who you are where you
are or what you're insecure about I know that you have a lot to be grateful for
at the minimum if you're watching this video I know you're alive I know you
probably have eyes or ears maybe even both in fact one time we had a blind guy
attend one of our dating boot camps where we take guys in field to approach
women so I mean imagine compared to maybe the
insecurity and fear of approaching women imagine trying to do that blind step
number 3 is you need to stop negative thought loops for some reason for most
of us it's easier for us to love other people but feel negative and even hate
ourselves I bet the main things that you say to
yourself you would never say to anybody that you care about but wouldn't it be
fair to be gentle and love yourself as easily as you love others so I want you
to notice every time that you think negative about yourself and rephrase it
to a positive or more progressive statement you can go ahead and use the
rubber band technique I'm so stupid it could be I just messed
up and everybody makes mistakes I'm a failure could be I found a way that
doesn't work and I'll learn from my mistake I'm too fat or I'm too skinny
could be I'm making small steps every day to improve my body step number four
fall in love with yourself what are some of your positive quality
what are some things that you already love about yourself what are some of
your achievements and what are some things that people have complimented you
on I want you to make a list and write down all the skills and qualities and
attributes about yourself that you think are positive the things that you think
you're good at I want you to also include compliments that people have
given you they can be simple things like you have nice shoes that probably means
you have good taste in fashion so write it down I also want you to add your
achievements to that list big small it doesn't matter that anything that you
have achieved or accomplished write it down maybe last week you saw a girl at a
cafe and you could have sat far away from her but instead you decided to sit
closer to her and maybe you made a little comment maybe you gave a bum on
the street a nickel I don't care how small just write it down before you
start your day every single day go over your list and read every single one of
them and anytime you're feeling down or insecure do the same go over your list
and remind yourself all of your achievements all of your good qualities
because I know you have some good qualities this will help you focus on
gratitude instead of being overly preoccupied with your inadequacy
for example maybe you're not super good looking but you're a great storyteller
and you can take women on an emotional journey with your words so focus on your
strengths and be grateful for all that you are and all that you have achieved
as well as all the people in your life and all the blessings that you have
instead of solely being preoccupied with your insecurities by the way make sure
to subscribe to this channel and click that Bell notification icon and I also
have a free confidence cheat sheet for you that will help boost your confidence
and overcome your insecurities even faster so make sure to click the link
down in the description because it's absolutely free and step number five one
of the most important steps is to surround yourself with support chances
are that you have a lot of naysayers in your life or people that are insecure
because like attracts like as you're improving yourself there's a chance that
they might try to bring you back down to their level because that's their comfort
zone if you change that means that they have to face the cold hard truth that
they could also change and most people want to stay right where
they are in their comfort zone maybe you've heard of the crab theory if there
are several crabs in a bucket and one tries to escape instead of trying to
help them and you know push them up they will actually pull him back down
unfortunately a lot of people are the same way they have the mentality of I
can't have it neither can you if the crabs would just support each
other they could easily escape but instead their selfishness keeps them
trapped so when you start to change and reach for success do your friends and
family support you and offer encouragement or do they try to bring
you back down to reality if you want to climb out of your bucket then don't let
other crabs pull you down surround yourself with people that accept you and
support you because those are the people that will help lift you up and will help
boost your self esteem and stop hanging out with crabs that pull you down now if
you want more proven ways to eliminate your nervousness your fears and
insecurities then download my free confidence cheat sheet that gives you 18
different ways that aren't even in this video and are all proven by science to
boost your confidence there's a link down in the description and to the right
of the screen so download that man also subscribe to this channel if you're not
subscribed because I have more videos on how to increase your confidence coming
out soon and if you need some help with your dating life then make sure to check
out our bootcamp schedule because we have live workshops all around the world
again my name is matt artisan from the attractive man and i'll see you in the
next video