How to find a man, the seven mindsets you need when you get back out there
and start dating again. Whether you're in your 20s and you're just looking to
get out there. Whether you're in your thirties and you want to come back to
find love or in your forties, 50s or even sixties and you want to look to find love
again, this is the video on the mindsets that you want to take to dating so that
you can find a man. Stay tuned.
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Okay, so it's time to get back out there. Now, in a couple of weeks, I'm doing
a video on handling burnout in dating, emotional burnout. So if you are feeling
burned out by dating or you're struggling to get back into the process, make sure
you stay on the channel, subscribe, and have a watch or that video in a couple
of week's, time. But today, I'm going through seven mindsets whether you are coming
back from burnout or just starting out to get you back out there to find a man
in dating and approach dating with the right expectations so you can stay out
there and not get frustrated with the whole process.
Number one, I'm single and will be for the foreseeable future. This mindset
helps keep you in dating and in a single but dating mindset and means things
don't get rushed forward.
You have proper time to qualify men. You're not going to give over your
exclusivity without really thinking about it and without a really applying your
standards, and it just gives you that, that space to not expect anything
from dating but to still be out there enjoying it and building confidence
in the process.
Number two, I reward myself for taken rather than riding my results.
Now, what I mean by this is dating such an emotional thing, and I'm going to
talk about this in the burnout video, but dating's such an emotional thing
that we often ride our results. When we're feeling good, we're motivated and we take
lots of action, we get out there and meet people and then we crash, and we feel like
sh*t and we don't want to do it anymore. I called this riding your results and it's a
habit that I make sure I get all of my clients out of. As long as you're riding
your results, you're a victim of your results because wherever your results are,
your action take is going to follow. Success in any area of life means you
can't be a victim of your results. I remember when I first started going out to build
confidence over over a thousand over 1500 rejections.
If I'd been riding my results, I certainly wouldn't have wanted to go out there
and take action. So you want to reward yourself for action taken.
That means you can go on a date and even if the date is weird, or even if it
doesn't go well, or even if you don't get the result you want, you feel good from
inside yourself. You're internally validated feeling great because you took action
rather than the result of any of your actions.
Number three, each new man is a blank slate. It's amazing how often we carry
our negative beliefs forward and put them on the next person that we meet.
Every new man has to start out as a blank slate. Otherwise, you're going to create
a self-fulfilling prophecy where previous negative dating experiences can come
forward. Now, beliefs are important. Our brain needs beliefs to understand the
world. We say trees are green because it makes things easy.
We don't say, "well, trees aren't technically green. They're are a dark shade of teal" or
"well, there's red trees and this little yellow trees with green leaves."
It's too much information for our mind, right? So our brain puts things in boxes,
and those boxes help us understand the world. The problem is those boxes can
work against us if they're the reverse of our goals. So for example, if you believe
that men are cheaters or men are assholes or that men are only after one thing, and
you approach dating with those beliefs, it's going to work against you and your goals
of finding the right guy. Now, unless you're a botanist, it doesn't matter if you believe
trees are green. It's just, it's easy to understand, but believing men are as***les
and men are cheaters is going to hold you back, hold you back.
Every new man has to start with a blank slate, so that you can get to know him for
the person he is.
Number four, dating is not a means to an end, but an end unto itself. Now, I did
another video on this on How to Get a Boyfriend, so I'd encourage you to check
out that video. I'll pop the link up here, but a lot of women see dating as a speed
bump on the way to getting a relationship. It's this annoying thing that you've got to
get through. You've just got to do it. It's painful, but you've got to do it and
then you can get the relationship bliss at the end. If you look at going to the
gym this way, then you're going to see going to the gym as a speed bump to
getting the body you want. The problem is, you get so obsessed on the end goal
that the speed bump becomes so painful and something to get through that you
don't actually appreciate the action and the process. Rather, if you want
the body, you just show up at the gym every day. That's just what you do.
Just show up everyday and you can have total faith the result will take care
of itself. Dating is not a means to an end. It's an end unto itself. Just keeps showing
up. If you're struggling with that, watch the burnout video, I'm gonna pop that up in
a couple of weeks. Watch the burn out video. Link will be in the description, but just
keep showing up, bouncing back, taking action and the results? You don't even
have to worry about it. It's going to take care of itself.
Number five, high standards start with an open mind.
So we did a video recently on pickiness versus high standards versus
expectations. I'll pop the link here and in the description and I'd encourage
you to have a watch of that video.
High standards have to be applied over time. You can't have a hundred guys on
Tinder and then go on dates with two and think that that's high standards.
High standards means getting to know people. It means knowing what you expect.
And those are going to be deep characteristics of someone's personality.
And then meeting with lots of people to find out if they carry those traits.
Anything less is snipering, trying to shoot into a crowd where you don't know what
the crowd is or what they're about. And you're going to end up with bad results
from being picky. So high standards start with an open mind. That means made lots
of people talk to lots of people, go on lots of dates, and then you can be more
selective increasingly so after that. And get ultimately the best guy.
Number six, bad dates are something to laugh at.
You have to have this attitude or dating will spit you out and leave you frustrated
and not wanting to come back. Bad dates are a laugh. They're good stories.
You get to meet some weird people. Yes, but it's entertaining.
And at the very least, you have something to tell your friends and you're gonna look
back when you have found the one and have a good laugh about some of the
people that you came across throughout the dating process.
So always remember that bad dates are something to laugh at and it's going to
mean that rather than being frustrated, you go, well, at the very least I'm going
to come home with a cool story.
And number seven, it only takes one. And this is the most important mindset to
remember when you're getting back out there, you're having a frustrating one,
you're having bad dates, especially if you have been feeling burnt out because
you've met a few guys in a row or maybe a heap of guys in a row that haven't
worked out. Dating is the one game where you can lose 99 times, win once
and still be a winner overall. So every time you feeling down in the dumps
or feeling like, what's the point? Always remember, in the end it only takes one,
one good interaction, one good bloke, one positive experience. And that could
be that in five, 10, 20 years, you're looking back on your single days with a sense
of nostalgia going, I don't know what all this stress was about.
Well, that's it. Thank you so much for watching! I hope you enjoyed the video.
Let me know your thoughts, comment, questions, et cetera. Put it all below.
Give the video a thumbs up as you always do, and make sure you subscribe.
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Thanks for watching, and I look forward to seeing you in the next video very soon.
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