Blake: My inability to commit is exhausting.
I feel like I've been collecting spiritual postcards
from other people's journeys
trying them all but never following through.
Why?
Teal: You know, the inability to commit is the collective vibration of this group.
So, this is something that I feel like
the majority of you need to be focusing on.
Which one of you... Lynn, do you feel like you...
Okay, so what I'm gonna do for you...
I'm gonna bring the person on my team
who's a vibrational match to the group here
and I'm gonna be working with her.
Now, I mean, this is sort of simulating what I like to do
when we're on a stage in the city.
I want you to be thinking about how what she says, applies to you.
So watching our interaction together, this applies to your life.
So if you're taking notes, I want your pen out, okay?
Okay, so you don't feel like you...
First, let's talk about it before we go deeper.
You don't feel like you are really committing to anything much, right?
Lynn: To anything.
Teal: To anything.
Lynn: Not even like a sandwich right now, like...
It's really bad.
Teal: Do you have... from this space,
do you have any awareness as to why?
Lynn: Not really.
And until you like, brought up the collective vibration,
I wasn't even really necessarily that super aware of that.
But it hit me really hard when you said that.
Teal: Okay, so let's play a game.
If I had a sandwich shop,
and you came in that sandwich shop,
and you have to commit to picking what you want,
why would that be so bad?
Lynn: It feels like, actually,
I'd just have rather somebody do it for me.
Like, there's too many decisions to make and it's, like, overwhelming.
Teal: Okay.
Lynn: Oh no.
Teal: Okay. So we're gonna...
you want to get down into the vulnerability of this?
Lynn: Yeah.
Teal: I want you to talk about...
Lynn: It's always like yes.
Teal: I want you to talk about the pain of having to commit,
having to make the decisions.
What's the pain of having to commit?
Lynn: I feel like I'm gonna make the wrong decision.
Teal: And if you make the wrong decision?
Lynn: It actually feels like someone's dumping acid on my body.
Teal: Mm-hmm.
Lynn: Like, it's really bad, like, really bad consequences.
It feels like death.
I had no idea it was that deep.
Teal: So to commit is death.
Teal: I can't imagine why. Lynn: Even to a sandwich.
Teal: Yeah. Well, that's important to notice, yes.
But I can't imagine if there is an association...
We have to understand this, ok?
We all have associations.
Your brain functions like a computer.
The minute that it associates one thing with another thing,
it has a reaction to that thing.
This is basic Pavlov's response.
If you associate making decisions with consequences,
now making decisions is linked to and associated with consequences.
And that's why you have the biological reaction that you do.
So it's all about changing the associations
that you have with these things.
But the first thing to notice is I have an association, a negative one,
formed to commitment.
Lynn: And it's death.
Teal: And it's death.
No wonder you're avoiding commitment.
I can't imagine why?
Lynn: Welcome to my entire life.
I wish would have known this a long time ago.
Teal: Well, talk about that.
I mean this is important...
They can probably relate to you.
So this is a perfect excuse to say
oh, this is how I can see it manifesting over my lifetime.
Lynn: Definitely in my relationships.
Really with anybody.
You always feel like this, um, like, push and pull, like, constantly
like, I'm always, like, one foot out,
like, I don't even ever remember, like, ever having two feet in.
Again like with anything, but, like, talking about, like, relationships...
Teal: Would it seem like that to anyone on the outside?
Lynn: Probably to my partners.
Teal: Exactly. But to anyone else?
Lynn: No, probably not.
Teal: That's the thing.
It's very easy for us to mimic something and not actually be there energetically.
And that's the discrepancy or the inauthenticity
between our actions and what's going on behind those actions.
Lynn: Yeah, especially since I've had like long term relationships.
So like I've been in, like, a six-year relationship.
So from the outside, like,
people would think that I was super committed to that.
But that's super inaccurate actually.
Teal: That's important to admit to.
Lynn: Mm-hmm. So I know that about myself.
Teal: So, commitment means death.
Lynn: That's awful.
I did not know that it was that association.
Teal: Do you want to find out where?
Lynn: Sure.
Teal: Okay, so I want you to feel that feeling of acid again.
So in order to get into that feeling of acid,
I want you to be thinking about committing.
It doesn't matter whether it's to the sandwich shop,
or to your relationship, or to whatever.
Just think about what it feels like to make the decision today,
100% percent, I'm going to put all of me 100% into this thing,
that's my personal choice.
Lynn: Yeah, I feel really small
and I literally feel like my body is getting, like, eaten.
Like, there's acid, like, on me.
Teal: Let that acid expand throughout your whole body.
Lynn: It's like liquefying me.
Teal: Mm-hmm.
Lynn: Now I literally feel like I'm like a puddle on the floor.
Teal: Well, becoming that puddle on the floor,
I want you to ask yourself
when was the very first time I felt this feeling.
Lynn: This is confusing to me.
Because I can't figure out how this would be associated,
but it almost feels like a womb memory.
Teal: Well, let's just go there.
Let's just start...
Lynn: Like, I don't know how this could be associated,
but I feel like I'm getting eaten, like, in the womb.
My body's getting...
Teal: I feel like I'm getting eaten alive in the womb.
Anything that comes up to the mind is valid.
We're not going to be looking at how this can possibly be the case?
We're just gonna consider that it's valid and run with it, okay?
So I'm in the wound... womb.
Hehe, Freudian slip.
Lynn: There's wounds everywhere.
Teal: I'm in the womb.
Lynn: I am in the womb.
Teal: You feel like your mom's body's attacking you?
Lynn: Yeah.
Teal: Can you hear any of her thought patterns?
Lynn: I don't want to.
Teal: Okay, so mom wasn't committed to me.
What does it mean if you're committed to someone
who's not committed to you?
Lynn: I'm gonna die.
Teal: Especially being a human in a relationally dependent experience,
which is what pregnancy is.
I need you to relive the fact that this is the truth of you.
Lynn: I can feel it.
like physically this is extremely painful actually,
like especially my arms.
Teal: Out of curiosity,
are you okay at committing when someone is committed to you?
Lynn: I can't even hear that right now...
Teal: Okay. Stay in it. That's fine.
It's very important when you're re-experiencing,
which is what she is doing right now, to let yourself completely feel it.
That is the body's truth being able to express itself to the mind.
Lynn: It's like some kind of, like, it feels like some kind of enzyme
or something is literally, like, throwing darts at me.
Teal: Which is often the case.
It's often the case when...
The biology follows the psychology.
So when a woman has thoughts, you know,
along the lines of I don't want this child,
then her body responds to it as if it is a detriment to her well-being.
Often the being, you know, the child is pumped full of antibodies.
It is treated as if it is a foreign substance within the mother's body.
So what you're experiencing is not uncommon actually
for the experience of gestation.
Lynn: God, it was horrible.
Okay. I feel like a calmness now.
Teal: Okay. So you're ready to accept that that was the truth
of where you learned that commitment was dangerous.
Lynn: Yeah.
Teal: Can your conscious mind now tell me from a conscious space
why commitment is so dangerous to you
based on what you just found out?
Lynn: Honestly no.
You're gonna have to re-explain it.
Because that was really hard for me to go through.
So I can't, like, I wasn't... actually like logically hearing you.
Teal: Alright. I'm gonna lead you through it. Ready?
I just learned that what about your mother?
Lynn: She didn't want me.
Teal: Okay. So she wasn't committed to you.
Do you see that?
Lynn: Yeah, definitely.
Teal: What happens if you commit to her?
Lynn: I mean...
Teal: And being dependent on somebody
is actually an intense form of commitment.
Do you see that?
Lynn: Yeah, it feels like being dependent on somebody
is like not even an option in my mind.
Teal: And so if you committed to your mother,
what do you get?
If you commit to a person who's not committed you,
Lynn: Death.
Teal: you get death.
So it's almost like when you're totally unwanted,
all of your consciousness can't really put itself in that basket,
it's too vulnerable, right?
Lynn: Yeah.
Teal: So what you learn is
safety is keeping a part of yourself back.
Lynn: I can even feel like these energetic, like,
boundaries, like, being put up, like, as a coping mechanism right now,
like, Alcatraz.
Like, I can't rely on anyone, and I don't...
Teal: Okay. Here's the thing.
If they're not being put up right now, they were put up back then.
This is your coping mechanism.
Lynn: Right.
Well, I'm in the memory still so it feels like right now.
Teal: This is where I need you as Lynn the adult
to come into this scene with your baby.
Lynn: Okay.
Teal: Go into the womb.
I want you to hold this little baby.
Lynn: I want to get the fuck out of here so bad.
Teal: Well, then you can.
Lynn: Okay.
Teal: You can do that.
Unhook the umbilical cord from the placenta
and do an emergency transplant.
Whose stomach or what being's stomach, would you like to go into?
Lynn: Um...
I'm just gonna do like a really maternal angel
cuz I can't even think of anyone.
Teal: That's perfect.
Lynn: Like, physical that I could even rely on...
Teal: Bring her in.
Lynn: Okay.
Teal: Imagine that for a minute.
For those of you that don't know what I'm doing,
I'm actually guiding her through an example
of my process that I created called the completion process.
I did a whole book about it.
I have a bunch of facilitators around the world
that can lead you through it
the same way that I'm doing with Lynn.
So, that's what we are doing.
You're seeing it in real time.
Lynn: I feel like it's like repairing my cells.
Teal: Do you feel how much she wants you?
Lynn: Mm-hmm.
I can just, like, feel, like, this shot of, like,
this source stream just kind of coming
like through both of the bodies.
Teal: You feel nourished?
Lynn: Mm-hmm.
Teal: Can you watch your body being defended by her body?
It's the exact opposite.
Feel how she becomes your boundary,
she becomes your container.
I really need you to feel this
because this is what you're looking for in relationships.
Lynn: Yeah, I know, I know
I don't even know if I've ever experienced it before.
Teal: Exactly.
So, of course you wouldn't know what you're looking for
but this is the feeling you're looking for in relationships,
that they can be your container.
Do you feel the intense level of commitment there?
She's taking you as part of herself,
which is the opposite of what your mother's body did
and took you as an antagonist to itself.
Lynn: Yeah. It actually treated me like a parasite.
Teal: Yeah, exactly.
Lynn: Yeah, I can feel this really.
Teal: Interesting that you find yourself
a match to so many parasitic relationships, eh?
Lynn: I don't know what you're talking about.
Teal: Now I want you to affirm "I choose this."
How does it feel to commit to that?
Lynn: It just feels super vulnerable for me to, like,
let this being, like, do that for me,
because there's still, like, this serious distrust.
Teal: Yeah. But that's commitment.
Lynn: This... like taking a leap of faith.
Teal: In your case, yes.
That's what commitment means in your case is the vulnerability.
So here's the big scary moment.
Can you choose to commit to this?
Lynn: I feel like I don't even have any other choice anymore,
like, I have to.
Teal: So, ready?
We're gonna do it in the womb.
Let go and let her catch you.
You're gonna have to risk that it might not happen.
Let it happen.
What's happening?
Lynn: I thought if I let go, I would die.
But that didn't happen.
Teal: What happened?
Lynn: I just feel like just cocooned.
Teal: Now both of you committed to each other.
This is what it feels like.
Lynn: So me committing to somebody is letting them catch me.
Teal: Yes.
Commitment...
To commit is to put all of yourself into something.
In your case, when you're feeling too vulnerable,
you pull back.
That's lack of commitment.
So in your case, putting all of yourself into something means letting go.
Lynn: This wouldn't be the case for everyone?
Teal: No.
Lynn: Okay.
Teal: But great many chances are that
the people who are watching this are a match to you.
So this would be the case with them.
Lynn: It's fucking hard.
Teal: Mm-hmm.
Because you had to risk death.
That's what you had to do.
Lynn: Well, it was the decision of, like,
I was already dying in the other womb anyway.
So it was kind of like there's no other choice.
Teal: Mm-hmm.
Lynn: Do you know what I mean?
Teal: Yes. If only we could commit before it gets to that point.
Lynn: Before dying?
I don't even know why I wore makeup today, Teal.
Teal: I'll remind you not to next time.
Okay. So explain what you learned,
to summarize it for people who are associating themselves with you.
Lynn: I've gone through... I'm 34 now.
And I'm, like god, through my whole life, like,
not ever really understanding
why I can't really commit to anything.
So, like, this understanding now is really helpful.
Because I feel like getting to that in my life when I'm 80,
what that feeling feels like death,
I'd rather die before that
then actually be able to live life
in a way where I can actually depend on people.
So this is probably one of the most powerful,
just like, learn... um... help me out with this word...
I'm a little triggered still.
Teal: Okay.
Lynn: realizations.
Because it affects everything that I do, like, everything.
Teal: Like what like, for example.
Lynn: Well, my relationship with Blake now,
work, like everything, home,
at like absolutely everything in my life,
relationships with friends.
Teal: So it's like, just,
I know that you're still triggered and so a lot of this isn't filled in yet.
But is there anything that you came back with
that you know is gonna have to change in your life now
either in them or in you?
Lynn: Everything.
So, I live kind of a double life.
Teal: Mm-hmm.
Lynn: Um... in many ways.
I still have a career in, like,
a different state that I don't even live in anymore,
which I wanted to kind of step out of but,
like, I've always kind of kept one foot in.
Because it feels safer to do that.
Teal: Yes.
Lynn: That's one way.
I just need to totally, like, yeah, like, taking the leap of faith
and, like, letting that go, like,
everything's gonna work out, like,
really felt kind of impossible before right now,
but I literally can feel, like, through that integration,
even my back feel straighter.
Teal: Yes.
Lynn: Like, I can feel like those fragments
kind of come back even into my back.
It was almost like um...
feeling like kind of cradled by the universe.
Teal: Yes.
Lynn: Support.
Teal: I want you to go sit in that feeling of being cradled by the universe.
Can you do that?
Lynn: Yeah.
Teal: Thank you Lynn.
Lynn: That was intense.
Why do I always get the intense crying exercises?