hey what's going on YouTube this is your certified life and relationship coach coach
court and in today's video I want to talk to you about the dismissive avoidant and how they view
relationships to be thank you for sticking around if this is your first time viewing me
do me a favor and subscribe to the channel by clicking that subscribe button and ringing that
little Bell so you're notified for the newest content in today's video I want to talk to you
about what it's like being in a relationship with a dismissive avoidant and what they feel
a perfect relationship looks like and that's just a flaw in itself they feel all relationships are
going to be perfect it's gonna be kind of like the Disney movies where they live happily ever
after they never have arguments and they never have disagreements that's false I want to also
help you keep the relationship healthy keep it happy and keep things progressing in the right
direction that's if you're dismissive avoidant is willing to come and meet you in the middle
and heal their attachment style so both of you guys can become more secure the first thing you
need to understand about their attachment style is when it was being formed there was a lack of
consistency and that's where you want to start you want to make sure that you are consistent
with what you're doing if you're texting them text them at regular times if you're meeting
with them meet them at regular times if you plan things make sure you follow through on
your plans because as soon as you decide to bail on them make it look as if you're abandoning them
like you can't be trusted like you can't follow through on what you're saying what you say you're
going to do they're going to start to deactivate it takes very little for a dismissive avoidant to
deactivate they're always looking for a reason to deactivate so if you are somebody who isn't
serious about the relationship you're just there to have fun if you're just there to keep this
thing not serious you need to be upfront about that because what you're gonna do is you're gonna
cause further damage and cause them to be even more dismissive in their way so if you want to
have a healthy relationship with a dismissive make sure that you are consistent you do what
you say you're gonna do you are always there to support them which is what we're going to
get into next they want support period support is huge for them whether its family whether its
friends or their romantic partner they want somebody who's gonna always be there for them
give them some advice not because you're trying to control them because you're just there to try to
help them figure things out and help improve the quality of their lives but if they feel like you
are there to criticize them and control them that's a big no-no that's when they'll start
a deactivate because like I said they deactivate really easily their threshold and their tolerance
for nonsense and control and criticism is very very slim the next thing is to not overwhelm
them they feel very overwhelmed when they feel pressure and they feel like you're needy and
you're asking too much of them let's not forget the dismissive avoidant are very self-sufficient
and independent so when they feel somebody is acting like another child they'll shut down and
they'll get really annoyed with you and they'll start to deactivate they don't want to have to
take care of somebody they want that person to be self-sufficient and independent themselves I
mean of course you don't want to take it to the extreme level like they take it to which they
don't need anybody for anything at any time and when somebody does penetrate those walls of theirs
they still have that mindset of I don't want to ask you for anything I don't need anything from
you so I'm not saying go that extreme with it but you have to ask for your needs you can ask them
for your needs and they won't be able to read your mind or understand what you need if you start to
get too much like the anxious preoccupied type which they can't please themselves they don't
know how to fill their own needs at all I mean it's really tough for them to fill their needs
they rely heavily on outside outside stimulus to fulfill their needs so if you are someone
in a relationship with a dismissive you want to make sure that you're very mindful about how much
you ask of them it's okay to ask for your needs that's what we're in relationships for we're in
relationships to get our needs met so it's okay to ask for them but if you start to see them
feel overwhelmed by you asking so much and they started to withdraw if they started to get quiet
they started to stop initiating contact with you as much as they used to then that's a sign that
they are starting to deactivate and reconsider their feelings for you or the relationship in
general the last one is don't criticize them they already fear being vulnerable with people
and communicating and talking about what they need and how they feel so when you come with some type
of criticism about how they're feeling or the way they're doing things they're gonna withdraw
from the relationship they're going to not trust you as much it's gonna take a lot of work to get
them back trusting you to the level that they were before so you want to be careful about
how you engage in the criticism that you're gonna give them you know I always tell my clients start
with I feel don't go at them with you this and you that you you want to really make sure that
you're using that I feel so you take the sting out of it and also you're not automatically putting up
their walls by attacking them they don't like being attacked they have a like I said before
they have a very low threshold for nonsense and criticism is considered nonsense to them so if
you found this video value please like comment and share if you want my help personally reach
out to me on my website www.fruitfulseedz.com send me email no longer than two to three
paragraphs long no longer than 500 words as it's really hard to respond to really long emails or
you can also reach out to me on my other social media sites Instagram is iamcoachcourt Twitter is
coachcourt2 and my facebook as iamcoachcourt thank you guys and I will talk to you soon