- [Narrator] Hey, Psych2Go'ers, welcome back to the channel.
Is it only substances that are toxic?
Mm, sometimes relationships too.
A toxic family is one that thrives on behaviors
in relationships which infiltrate negativity
into every part of your life,
becoming detrimental to mental, emotional,
and even physical health.
Therapist, Dr. Claire Jack says,
"Despite the abundance of love,
"some have grown in families which are bound
"by a web of abusive, critical, and manipulative behaviors."
Would you like to know more?
What are the telling factors, how to tell the difference?
Here are six telltale signs that you are indeed living
in a toxic environment.
Number one, they don't allow you
to express your individuality.
What defines family?
A place where you can feel free to express opinions,
have disagreements, and be respected
for the choices you make.
Coming from a family excelling in a certain profession,
how would they react if one day
you were to voice out your opinion of embarking on
an opposite career path?
Would they respond with something like.
- [Family Member 1] You won't be good enough.
And you would earn less than the rest of us.
- [Narrator] Well, when a family regards your future
career choice as a serious threat to your family's way
of doing things, you're forced to question your abilities,
and whether this was something that you could do
as part of this family.
A toxic family completely demolishes the autonomy
of the members, leaving no room for mistakes.
A healthy family accommodates change and growth,
both of individuals and of the family as a unit,
embracing all new additions too.
Number two, there's always some drama going on.
- [Family Member 2] I heard your friend, Kay, got an A
for her math exam.
Why can't you obtain the same grade?
What's wrong with you?
- [Family Member 3] Even your twin sister got an A
on that exam.
What's the matter with you?
Why can't you be more like your sister?
- [Narrator] Ever heard these types of snippets
in your surroundings?
Toxic parents exhibit a chronic lack of empathy
towards their children, says Shannon Thomas,
trauma therapist, and author of "Healing From Hidden Abuse."
A supportive, loving family made discuss you
when you're not there, often to see how
they can help you out.
The toxic family spends time gossiping about you,
and your other siblings.
The gossip is often unpleasant in nature,
aimed at bringing you down.
Being nasty about family members to other family members
is at the heart of any toxic families.
Number three, you're asked to lie about things
that happened at home.
- [Family Member 2] If your teacher asks you
about the bruises on your arm, say that you
bumped hard into the table.
- [Narrator] The mother warns her eight-year old son
while adjusting his school neck tie.
Yet another hushed conversation common in such households.
Abuse within families can range from emotional abuse
to physical and sexual abuse.
Within the toxic family, abusive behavior is not called out
for what it is.
On the contrary, you may be made to feel that you
deserved to be abused.
You may be told to keep quiet about the abuse
in order to preserve the reputation of the family.
The abuser is protected within the family
and allowed to get away with their behavior.
Number four, they exert control and autonomy over you.
Ever had a conversation that goes?
- [Family Member 4] Can I please go on a picnic trip
with my friends next month?
- [Family Member 3] No, you can't.
Your final school examination is just around the corner.
- [Family Member 4] But I promise to study my hardest
after the trip.
- [Family Member 3] No, you can't go.
Trust me, it's for your own good.
- [Narrator] These conversations are typical,
where the parent demands blind obedience and conformity.
It is highly advisable to apply a moderate amount
of behavioral regulation and monitoring for children.
A study even relates enforcing boundaries
and monitoring associated with positive outcomes.
But on the contrary,
when the control is at an extreme level,
the negative behavior and psychological impacts
weigh heavily on children.
A study reports feelings of incompetency and low self-worth
are common among these children.
Number five, they don't recognize your space or boundaries.
Are they constantly checking your phone
without asking for your permission?
Having your own boundaries and space
is definitely crucial in healthy parent-child relationships.
The situation asks for assertiveness and compassion.
Being assertive involves stating how you feel
and what you need without trying to hurt the other person.
This includes maintaining eye contact,
maintaining a sense of calm,
being open to having a conversation,
actively listening to the other person,
and monitoring your tone.
At the same time being compassionate means understanding
where your parents may be coming from,
and understanding the difficulties they may be experiencing
in making sure you grow into a good person
while also simultaneously honoring your needs.
A study shows practicing compassion helps you stay grounded
and come from a place of love, versus defensiveness.
And number six, they'll constantly belittle you.
Is talking smack about their kids the go-to topic
at the adults table?
Toxic family members will constantly belittle you,
essentially implying that pretty much anything you say
that expresses your ideas, beliefs,
or wants is silly or stupid.
The problem is they're not kidding.
And that's why what they're doing is not a joke.
Psychologist, Dr. Thomas L. Corey, suggests being open
to them about how this hurts you,
saying that it can help counteract this.
It's imperative to repeatedly let them know
your side each time it occurs, so they might see
the error of their ways.
However, a notable exception,
according to Dr. Thomas, is there should be
a zero tolerance policy for physical abuse.
You may have experienced some,
if not all, of these behaviors.
Hopefully, in a mild form,
occasionally in your relationships.
And that's the key word, occasionally.
What distinguishes a toxic relationship
is both the severity of these behaviors
and how frequently they occur.
In a toxic relationship,
these behaviors are the norm, not the exception.
The toxicity is clearly a matter of degree.
Most of us manipulate once in a while, play helpless,
induce guilt, et cetera.
We're not perfect, nor are our relationships.
Please remember your toxic surroundings are not your fault.
And there is no shame in reaching out for help.
This can help improve both your life and your family's.
Do any of these describe your experience?
Leave a comment down below about your encounters with them,
if you'd like.
Please feel free to share any thoughts you have as well.
If you found this video helpful,
be sure to hit the like button, and share it
with those out there being subjected to such behavior.
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And as always, thanks for watching.