>> THE ONGOING RELEASE OF HACKED E-MAILS BY WIKILEAKS HAS MADE
CYBER SECURITY A PROMINENT ISSUE IN THIS ELECTION.
HERE TO COMMENT ON THIS IS OUR OWN LESLIE JONES.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> THANK YOU, COLIN.
GREAT TO BE HERE. >> IT IS GREAT TO HAVE YOU,
LESLIE. SO WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT ALL
THESE E-MAIL HACKS? >> WELL, COLIN, I WAS RECENTLY
HACKED MYSELF. >> REALLY?
I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. >> YEAH.
YOU KNOW. ALL THEY DID WAS RELEASE SOME
NUDE PICS OF ME. WHICH IS NOTHING, BECAUSE I
DON'T KNOW IF Y'ALL KNOW THIS, BUT I AIN'T SHY.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YEAH, YEAH, I ACTUALLY
NOTICED THAT, YEAH. >> OF COURSE YOU NOTICED, HONEY
BUNCHES OF JOST. [ LAUGHTER ]
I AM VERY COMFORTABLE WITH WHO I AM.
I AM AN OPEN BOOK. I KEEP MY PORN IN A FOLDER
LABELED, "PORN." [ LAUGHTER ]
IF YOU WANT TO SEE LESLIE JONES NAKED, JUST ASK.
[ LAUGHTER ] [ LAUGHTER ]
JUST ASK! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY IS, IF YOU WANT TO HURT ANYBODY THESE
DAYS YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO WAY MORE THAN LEAK THEIR NEWS OR
CALL THEM NAMES. YOU CAN'T EMBARRASS ME MORE THAN
I HAVE EMBARRASSED MYSELF. I KNOW ALL THE DETAILS 'CAUSE I
WAS THERE. I WAS THERE IN THE THIRD GRADE
WHEN I TOLD THIS BOY JOHNNY I LIKED HIM AND HE HIT ME IN THE
BACK OF THE HEAD WITH A ROCK. [ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS THERE WHEN I HAD A FAKE WEDDING WITH EL DeBARGE IN MY
BEDROOM. [ LAUGHTER ]
I WAS THERE WHEN PRINCE WAS WALKING TOWARDS ME SMILING ALL
HAPPY TO SEE ME, UNTIL HE REALIZED I WAS NOT CHRIS ROCK.
[ LAUGHTER ] >> WAIT, HOLD ON.
PRINCE THOUGHT YOU WERE CHRIS ROCK?
>> YEAH, MAN, IN THE DARK WE LOOK ALIKE.
HIGH-TOP FADE, TEETH. [ LAUGHTER ]
ANYWAY, COLIN. DO YOU THINK SOME WORDS ON THE
INTERNET CAN HURT ME? I ONCE HAD A CRAZY BITCH TRY TO
BEAT ME WITH A SHOVEL AT THE BUS STOP BECAUSE I TOOK HER PLACE ON
THE BENCH. [ LAUGHTER ]
THEY SWINGING SHOVELS! [ APPLAUSE ]
IF I WAS GOOD AT COMPUTERS I WOULDN'T WASTE IT TROLLING
PEOPLE, I WOULD DO SOMETHING USEFUL.
LIKE RENEW MY DRIVER'S LICENSE FROM HOME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] I WOULD HACK INTO TINDER AND
DELETE ALL THE OTHER GIRLS' PROFILES, SO NO MATTER WHERE YOU
SWIPE, YOU GET ME. [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
YOU IN MISSOURI? YOU'RE GOING TO GET ME.
[ LAUGHTER ] YOU IN THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN?
YOU GON' GET ME! [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ]
MATTER OF FACT, IF I WAS THAT GOOD AT COMPUTERS I WOULD BUILD
A MAN. A PERFECT MASCULINE ROBOT MAN.
OKAY? FORGET ABOUT "WEST WORLD," I'M
TALKING ABOUT LESLIE WORLD. FULL OF PERFECT ROBOTS WITH
PERFECT PENISES. >> PERFECT PENISES?
>> YEAH, LIKE YOU BUT BIGGER. [ LAUGHTER ]
>> THAT WAS THE MIDDLE OF THE OCEAN.
YOU SEEM UNFAZED BY THESE ONLINE TROLLS.
>> I'VE SPENT DECADES GETTING ROASTED BY COMEDIANS.
BLACK COMEDIANS AT THAT, OKAY. THE CRACKHEAD FROM THE MOVIE
"FRIDAY" HAS A WHOLE HOUR ON MY FEET.
[ LAUGHTER ] SO TRUST ME.
AT A CERTAIN POINT YOU GOT TO STOP BEING EMBARRASSED AND JUST
START BEING YOU. AND I HAVE BEEN ME FOR 49 YEARS.
BECAUSE THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN HACK ME IS ME.
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] OKAY?
AND MY FIREWALL IS A CRAZY-ASS BITCH WITH A SHOVEL.
>> LESLIE JONES, EVERYONE! [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]