FROM HERE. [APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE] ♪ ♪
>> Greg: HAPPY THURSDAY,
EVERYONE.
SO DID YOU HEAR THE LATEST NEWS?
YEP, CHARLES PAYNE ACCEPTED MY
FRIEND REQUEST.
BUT ALSO ACCORDING TO NPR THE
JANUARY 6TH HEARINGS ARE NOW
EXTENDING INTO JULY -- E.R., I
GUESS THEY ARE USING THE SAME CA
FLATTEN THE CURVE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT THANK GOD BECAUSE THE STUFF
I’VE WATCHED SO FAR HAS BEEN SO
RIVETING.
TO HELL WITH THAT SUMMER
VACATION TO KEY WEST, I KNOW
WHAT I AM DOING THE FIRST WEEK
OR 2 OF JULY.
YEAH.
APPARENTLY THEY’RE GOING TO
PURSUE WITNESSES AND A LOT OF
NEW EVIDENCE.
I GUESS THEY’RE NOT HAPPY WITH
THE WITNESSES THEY ORIGINALLY
CAST IN THIS [BLEEP] SHOW.
WHAT A DISASTER, HUH?
MADE THE HINDENBURG LOOK LIKE A
FENDER BENDER.
TO MAKE POMPEII LOOK LIKE
KNOTT’S BERRY FARM.
THAT IS A WEIRD COMPARISON.
APPARENTLY THEY ARE GOING TO
SUBPOENA TRUMP’S WHITE HOUSE
COUNSEL, PAT CIPOLLONE?
I DON’T KNOW.
ALREADY TALKED TO THESE CLOWNS,
AND WHAT FOR?
LOCAL, OBVIOUSLY TO SALVAGE THE
MESS THEY MADE WITH THEIR BIG
STAR.
THE GOOD NEWS, AT LEAST YOU
DIDN’T IMPLICATE TWO
BODY BUILDING NIGERIANS.
[LAUGHTER]
SERIOUSLY, HAVEN’T THEY BEEN
THROUGH ENOUGH?
JUST WISH THEY WOULD MOVE OUT OF
MY APARTMENT.
THEY TAKE THE LONGEST SHOWERS.
APPARENTLY, THE COMMITTEE DIDN’T
BOTHER TO REACH OUT TO THE
SECRET SERVICE BEFORE IT AIRED
THE CROWD ABOUT TRUMP LUNGING
AT SECURITY SO I GUESS THEY ARE
DOING THAT NOW WHICH MEANS NEW
WITNESSES BECOME RESPONSIBLE FOR
REPAIRING OTHER WITNESSES
HEARSAY.
BUT MAYBE THEY WILL FIND OUT
TRUMP DID NOT JUST LUNGE AT THE
SECRET SERVICE, HE DID A DOUBLE
BACK FLIP AND LANDED SQUARELY IN
THE LAP OF ABE LINCOLN.
WHO KNEW TRUMP CAN DRIVE AN SUV
FROM THE BACKSEAT.
YOU WON’T SEE THAT IN A BOND
MOVIE.
OF COURSE, THE MEDIA WILL SAY
COME ON, LOOK, IT IS NOT A COURT
OF LAW, WHICH IS TRUE, BUT HOW
HAS THAT HELPED YOU?
HUTCHINSON’S TESTIMONY HAS NOW
BEEN RUINED, AND BY CONNECTION
SO HAS THE HEARING.
YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD BE
EXPERTS AT FRAMING TRUMP BY NOW,
THEY HAVE HAD SO MUCH PRACTICE,
BUT IF I WANTED TO WATCH A SHOW
TRIAL, I WOULD GO TO
NORTH KOREA.
AT LEAST NONE OF THE ACTORS
THERE ARE FAT.
IT’S NOT BY CHOICE, THOUGH.
YET IT STILL GOES ON.
AND WHY?
BECAUSE THE INCENTIVES ARE IN
PLACE.
FIRST OF ALL, YOU ARE PAYING FOR
IT.
LIKE A NIGHT OUT WITH KILMEADE,
YOU THOUGHT YOU FOOT THE BILL.
>> WE GO DUTCH.
>> Greg: YES.
LEAVE THEM OUT OF THIS.
THE MEDIA WANTS IT TO GO ON
FOREVER BECAUSE IT FEEDS THEIR
BIAS AND IT FEELS LIKE THEY ARE
REPORTING SOMETHING WHEN THEY
ARE JUST DEMOCRAT STENOGRAPHERS.
HERE IS ONE TWEET FROM ABCs
JONATHAN KARL.
IT JUST SAYS "THANK YOU, CASSIDY
HUTCHINSON."
THAT IS A REPORTER.
I GUESS HE IS REFERRING TO HER
TESTIMONY, BUT WHO KNOWS, MAYBE
SHE SHARED HER NETFLIX PASSWORD
WITH HIM.
BUT THAT IS THE MEDIA.
I AM JUST HAPPY THEY LEFT THEIR
POM-POMS AT HOME.
THREE, THE DEMS ARE IN CONTROL
AT LEAST UNTIL NOVEMBER.
THIS PROPAGANDA MACHINE CAN GO
ON UNTIL THEN, SO DON’T BE
SURPRISED IF IT DOES.
LIKE JOE ON THE STEPS OF
AIR FORCE ONE, THERE IS JUST NO
BALANCE.
[LAUGHTER]
WITHOUT LEGIT PUSHBACK, YOU SEE
THE DEMOCRAT POLITICS IS
ACTUALLY STALINIST POLITICS.
SHOW ME THE DONALD, AND I WILL
SHOW YOU THE CRIME.
SO ONE WONDERS, WHAT REALLY IS
WORSE?
THAT A RALLY GOT OUT OF HAND FOR
ONE DAY, A RALLY IN WHICH PEOPLE
WHO NEVER BROKE THE LAW BEFORE
BROKE THE LAW THEN GOT ARRESTED
AND ARE SERVING TIME, WHICH THEY
SHOULD BECAUSE THEY BROKE THE
LAW?
OR AN OPEN-ENDED, ONE PARTY,
MEDIA PROTECTED TRIBUNAL, PAID
FOR BY YOU.
TO SAVE THEIR PARTY’S CHANCES IN
NOVEMBER, WHILE PERSECUTING
ANYONE THEY CAN IN THIS
UNFETTERED WITCH HUNT.
WELL, THE ANSWER IS EASIER THAN
ME AFTER THREE DAIQUIRIS.
OR TWO.
AH, ONE.
MEANWHILE OUR GOVERNMENT IGNORES
MEDIA INTIMIDATING SUPREME COURT
JUSTICES BE OR IS THIS AMERICA
WHERE THEY OFFER UNSUBSTANTIATED
ACCUSATIONS THAT FALL APART LIKE
A --
IN FRONT OF GRIMM PARTISAN
HACKS.
WE NOW SEE HOW DUPED EVERYONE IS
TO FALL FOR THE INSURRECTION
LINE.
IT WAS ALL TO CREATE A SPECTACLE
TO DIVERT FROM THEIR FAILURES.
SO, IF YOU BOUGHT THIS B.S., YOU
GOT CHENEYED.
AND YOU THOUGHT HER DAD ONLY
SHOT FRIENDS IN THE FACE.
[LAUGHTER]
SHE CONTRIBUTED TO A SHOW TRIAL
THAT WOULD MAKE JOE McCARTHY
BLUSH.
DID YOU SEE RIGHT AFTER
TESTIFYING, THE STAR WITNESS
RUSHED TO EMBRACE LIZ.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
ARE THE OLD FRIENDS?
NO, THEY ARE JUST PART OF THE
PLAY.
THEY ARE HUGGING LIKE CAST
MEMBERS OF "SNL" WHEN THE SHOW
IS OVER.
HOW WOULD LIZ EVEN KNOW THIS LOW
LEVEL EXECUTIVE BRANCH EMPLOYEE
UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY MET AT
REHEARSAL.
SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR YOU?
THAT YOU’VE GOT TO VOTE.
THE ONLY WAY TO STOP THIS IS TO
VOTE EVERY [BLEEP] BRAIN DEMOCRAT OUT OF OFFICE.
DEMOCRAT OUT OF OFFICE.
[APPLAUSE]
AND THEN, AND THEN LET THE REAL
HEARINGS BEGIN.
BECAUSE NOW WE HAVE THE SMOKING
GUN, THE LAPTOP, THE MESSAGES,
THE BIG MAN ADMITTING HE KNEW
WHAT HIS CORRUPT SUN WAS UP TO.
ROLE OF THE VOICE MAIL.
>> WHEN YOU GET A CALL, GIVE ME AN ARTICLE.
AN ARTICLE.
MAKE ITI THINK YOUR CLEAR.
>> Greg: I THINK YOU ARE
CLEAR.
TALK ABOUT FELONIES RIGHT ON
TAPE, WHICH WAS BURIED BY THE
PRESS.
COMPARE THAT TO THIS SHOW TRIAL
THROWFULL OF MIND-READING AND HE
THAT IS AMPLIFIED BY THE PRESS.
IT IS CRAZY.
I JUST HOPE THERE ARE MORE PHONE
MESSAGES FROM JOE.
TO HUNTER.
>> HEY, PAL, IT’S DAD AGAIN.
[LAUGHTER]
I WAS THINKING, YOU KNOW, THAT
VOICE MAIL I LEFT YOU, THE ONE
ABOUT THE "YOU ARE ALL CLEAR,"
YOU KNOW TO DELETE THAT, RIGHT?
[LAUGHTER]
JUST CALL ME BIG GUY FROM NOW
ON.
ALL RIGHT?
LOVE YOU, BYE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: I THINK THERE IS ONE
MORE, RIGHT?
>> HEY, PAL, IT’S DAD AGAIN.
HEY, LOOK, I WAS JUST THINKING,
WHILE WE ARE DELETING THINGS, I
WAS THINKING MAYBE THE 1400
VIDEOS OF YOU WITH THE HOOKERS
AND COCAINE, I THINK YOU CAN GET
RID OF THOSE.
I KNOW IT IS FUN TO LOOK BACK --
[LAUGHTER]
I THINK IT IS TIME WE GIVE THE
OLD SCRUBBY DUB.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: THIS IS GOING TO BE
GREAT.
THESE PEOPLE SHOULD PAY FOR
WASTING OUR TIME WITH THESE
HEARINGS WHILE IGNORING CRIME,
INFLATION, BORDER ATROCITIES.
IT IS OUR TURN FOR JUSTICE.
AND I AM GOING TO BE HERE FOR
IT, NOT BECAUSE I AM A
JOURNALIST, NOT BECAUSE I’M A
REPUBLICAN, PRETTY SURE I AM
NEITHER.
IT IS BECAUSE I AM AMERICAN.
AND ANGRY ONE, AND YOU SHOULD
BE, AS WELL.
[APPLAUSE]
WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
SHE IS SO BRIGHT WE ARE ALL
WEARING SUNSCREEN FOR
PROTECTION.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR LARA TRUMP.
[APPLAUSE]
UNLIKE BABY FORMULA, HIS BOOK IS
STILL ON THE SHELVES.
"FOX & FRIENDS" HOST AND HOST OF
THE SHOW "MADE AMERICA GREAT" ON
FOX NATION, BRIAN KILMEADE.
HE IS LIVING IN ALASKA PURSUING
COMEDY.
NEXT, HE WILL PROBABLY PURSUE
SNOWBOARDING IN FLORIDA.
ACTOR, WRITER, AND COMEDIAN
JAMIE LISSOW.
[APPLAUSE]
SHE’S GOT A LOT OF SKELETONS IN
HER CLOSET.
MOST OF THEM ARE SQUIRRELS.
FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR KAT TIMPF.
[APPLAUSE]
BRIAN, HOW ARE YOU DOING THERE,
CHAMP?
>> GOOD.
YOU HAVE BEEN SO NICE TO ME AND
I AM REALLY WORRIED.
>> Greg: SAVING IT ALL UP.
>> JUST LOOKING FORWARD TO THE
WEEKEND.
>> Greg: I FEEL BAD FOR YOU.
I KNOW THINGS HAVEN’T BEEN GOING
WELL.
>> I DIDN’T SAY THAT.
>> Greg: IT’S THE SCUTTLEBUTT
IN THE KITCHEN.
THE FOX KITCHEN.
PEOPLE KNOW THE PROBLEMS --
>> WE HAVE A KITCHEN?
>> Greg: THEY DON’T TELL YOU
ABOUT IT.
IT IS AMAZING TO SEE LIZ CHENEY
BECOME A HERO TO THE LIBERALS.
THE LIBERALS ARE NOW NEOCONS.
>> SHE SAID I LOOK FORWARD TO
THE DAY WE CAN DISAGREE AGAIN ON
ISSUES, AND I JUST THINK THE
MOST TELLING THING CAME FROM
JAKE TAPPER WHEN HE SAID --
TALKING TO JAMIE RASKIN AND JUST
SAID, YOU KNOW, IT WOULD BE
GREAT IF WE HAD SOME
CORROBORATION LIKE A SECOND
SOURCE.
, IT’S NOT A TRIAL.
GOOD TO KNOW.
YOU SAY STUFF, WE HAVE NO IDEA
IF IT IS TRUE OR NOT, ISN’T IT
EXCITING TO GET TOGETHER WITH
EVERYBODY AND THE AUDIENCE AND
EVERYTHING LIKE THAT?
IT IS IMPEACHMENT 3.
EXCEPT FOR THERE IS NO
CROSS-EXAMINATION.
THIS IS THE KEY, THOUGH.
IF THEY DON’T SIT THOSE
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS DOWNS TO
TELL THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY,
THEY CAN’T EVEN PRETEND THEY ARE
TRYING TO GET THE OTHER SIDE OF
THE STORY.
EXCUSE ME, I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM
WITH THAT STORY AND IT IS THE
FACT THAT IT DIDN’T HAPPEN, AND
I WOULD LIKE TO GO SIT THERE AND
GO UNDER OATH AND TELL YOU WHAT
HAPPENED, AND THE NETWORKS JUST
FROZE IN THE HEADLIGHTS.
THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO HANDLE
IT.
WHEN THEY COME BACK IN JULY --
WHICH I AM CONCERNED IS GOING TO
GO RIGHT INTO THE NEW SEASON OF
"TED MASSO," AND THAT IS MY BIG
WORRY, COME BACK INTO JULY,
SECRET SERVICE, GUYS WITH
EARPIECES ON, NOT TRUE, NO ONE
GRABBED THE WHEEL, NO ONE
ASSAULTED ME AND I THINK WHAT
ELSE DID CASSIDY SAY THAT NEEDS
TO --
>> Greg: I LOVE -- I LOVE -- I
AM SO SHOCKED, LARA, I AM SO
SHOCKED, HE THREW HIS LUNCH.
WHO HASN’T THROWN -- THE WHOLE
POINT OF LUNCH --
>> I HAVE NOT.
>> Greg: YOU HAVEN’T?
WE DON’T EVEN EAT LUNCH.
>> AN EXTRA LUNCH TO THROW.
>> Greg: I ALWAYS ORDER TWO
SANDWICHES, LARA.
ONE TO EAT AND WANT TO THROW AT
MY ASSISTANT.
>> I KNOW ABOUT THAT ABOUT YOU.
>> Greg: I USED TO THROW SOUP.
ARE YOU WATCHING ANY OF THIS?
>> ABSOLUTELY NOT.
WE ALL SAW THIS MOVIE FIRST
TIME, IT IS CALLED RUSSIA
COLLUSION.
WE SEE IT, WE KNOW THE GOAL,
THEY ARE EXTENDING IT, WHAT A
SHOCKER, INTO JULY.
DO WE THINK IT WILL EXTEND, I
DON’T KNOW, INTO NOVEMBER MAY
BE?
THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS.
THIS WHOLE THING, HONESTLY IT IS
KIND OF INSULTING TO THE
AMERICAN PEOPLE BECAUSE PEOPLE
HAVE REAL PROBLEMS OUT THERE AND
THIS IS WHERE OUR ELECTED
OFFICIALS ARE PUTTING THEIR
TIME, ENERGY, OUR MONEY, AS YOU
JUST POINTED OUT IN YOUR INTRO,
GREG, IT IS INSANE, BUT I LOVE
ALL OF THE MEANS THAT CAME OUT
THE OTHER DAY WITH CASSIDY
HUTCHINSON, THE ONES OF MY
FATHER-IN-LAW DRIVING THE
PRESIDENTIAL LIMO, AND TAKING
DOWN SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.
IT WASN’T TOO LONG AGO THAT THEY
WERE ASKING, COULD DONALD TRUMP
HOLD A GLASS OF WATER?
AND NOW HE IS TAKING DOWN
SECRET SERVICE AGENTS.
YOU’VE GOT TO HANDED TO
DONALD TRUMP, HE REALLY WON ON
THIS ONE.
[APPLAUSE]
>> Greg: GOOD TO SEE YOU,
JAMIE.
>> YOU TOO.
I’M LYING.
>> Greg: ARE YOU?
>> I FELT LIKE I WASN’T.
CAN I SAY REAL QUICK, I SAW AN
ARTICLE TODAY THAT YOU’RE
CRUSHING IT IN THE RATINGS AND I
WANT TO TAKE ONE SECOND TO SAY
CONGRATULATIONS.
>> Greg: OH, WHY THANK YOU.
[APPLAUSE]
WE ARE.
YOU KNOW, JUST A SIDE POINT, DO
YOU KNOW THAT "THE FIVE" HAS
MORE DEMOCRATIC VIEWERS THAT
ANYBODY AT MSNBC, AND VISIO HAS
MORE AFFLUENT VIEWERS.
>> IF YOU ARE FREE LATER I WOULD
LIKE TO BUY YOU THREE DAIQUIRIS.
[APPLAUSE]
>> ALL YOU NEED IS ONE,
APPARENTLY.
JUST ONE.
>> I WANT TO MAKE SURE.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: SO THAT WAS ALL A BIG
SET UP, YOU BIG JERK, AND I FELL
FOR IT.
>> HONESTLY, THIS WHOLE THING --
YOU SAID IT, KILMEADE, THEY
DON’T WANT TO HEAR THE OTHER
SIDE OF THE STORY.
THIS WHOLE THING IS HEARSAY.
THE WHOLE THING -- IT WOULD BE
LIKE ON THE WAY HERE, A HOMELESS
GUY SAID SOMETHING TO ME, THE
SKY IS FALLING.
I CAN’T COME IN HERE AND REPORT
THAT TO YOU, HE WAS NOT UNDER
OATH, HE WAS UNDER A BRIDGE.
IT’S GETTING CRAZY OUT THERE, BY
THE WAY.
PEOPLE SHOULD BE CAREFUL.
THERE ARE SOME CRAZY PEOPLE.
I WAS IN LINE FOR A PRETZEL AND
THIS GUY, I’M HAVING TROUBLE
TELLING THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
BUSINESSMEN AND CRAZY PEOPLE
BECAUSE THEY EARPIECES ARE
GETTING SMALLER.
HAVE YOU EVER -- I AM BUYING A
PRETZEL AND THIS GUY, HE IS
RIGHT IN MY FACE AND HE GOES
"LISTEN, MAN, IF WE DON’T GET
THOSE REPORTS BY TOMORROW WE ARE
ALL SCREWED."
AND I GO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING
ABOUT?
AND HE GOES, "LISTEN, I DON’T
WANT YOUR EXCUSES, I JUST WANT A
REPORT."
I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING
ABOUT FEARFULLY POINTS TO HIS
EAR.
I CAN HEAR YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT.
HOW DRUNK WAS I LAST NIGHT THAT
I SOMEHOW GOT A JOB?
[LAUGHTER]
AND NOW I MISSED MY FIRST
ASSIGNMENT.
BUT ENOUGH WITH THE HEARSAY.
IT’S A JOKE.
I’M NOT WATCHING ONE SECOND OF
IT.
>> Greg: I DON’T EVEN KNOW
WHAT HEARSAY MEANS, KAT.
HEARSAY?
>> I THINK YOU DO.
>> Greg: OH, DO I?
>> THEY SHOULD CALL IT THE
JANUARY 6TH HEARSAYING.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: NOT HEARING.
BUT HEARSAYING.
IT HIT ME --
>> GREG, HE IS TRYING OUT
MATERIAL ON YOUR SHOW, ARE YOU
INSULTED?
ARE YOU GOING TO TAKE WHAT
WORKS --
>> Greg: HE HAS BEEN ON EVERY
DAY THIS WEEK.
IT’S OKAY.
>> IT’S OKAY?
>> Greg: TO DO THAT.
YOU CAN’T DO IT, BUT HE CAN DO
IT.
WHAT ABOUT YOU, KAT?
AND YOUR DIFFERENT CLASSES.
>> YEAH, I AM WEARING DIFFERENT
GLASSES.
WHICH YOU HAVE MENTIONED TO ME
THREE TIMES THAT YOU DON’T LIKE.
WHICH IS SO DISAPPOINTING
BECAUSE WHEN I GET DRESSED EVERY
DAY ALL I AM THINKING IS "I HOPE
GREG LIKES THIS."
[LAUGHTER]
OKAY.
YOU WANT ME TO TALK ABOUT THE
HEARINGS?
>> Greg: YES.
>> SURE, I CAN DO THAT.
I DON’T THINK IT IS GOING TO BE
EFFECTIVE FOR WHAT THEY WANTED
TO BE EFFECTIVE FOR, AND, YOU
KNOW, "THE BACHELORETTE" IS
STARTING IN JULY, AND THE FIRST
TIME WITH TWO BACHELORETTES.
>> Greg: THERE’S TWO?
>> WILL THEIR FRIENDSHIP WITH
STAN THEM COMPETING MEN?
THEY WERE ELIMINATED THE
PREVIOUS SERIES.
SEASON.
>> Greg: THEY ARE NOT TWINS?
>> NO.
>> Greg: I WOULD WATCH IF THEY
WERE SIAMESE TWINS.
SIAMESE TWINS AND ONE, LIKE,
WHAT DO THEY DO IF ONE GETS
REJECTED?
>> I THINK YOU SHOULD TALK TO
FOX NATION, THAT IS A GREAT IDEA
IDEA.
BUT ALSO, I THINK ANYONE WHO IS
WATCHING IT ALREADY AGREES WITH
WHAT THE POINT OF IT IS, AND I
DON’T THINK ANYBODY WHO IS LIKE
A BIG TRUMP SUPPORTER IS
WATCHING IT, AND EVEN IF, YOU
KNOW, THEY’RE NOT SITTING THERE,
ALL RIGHT, THAT’S IT, I’M TAKING
OFF THE HAT.
[LAUGHTER]
I DON’T THINK IT IS MAKING A
DIFFERENCE.
>> Greg: NO, IT’S NOT.
THIS IS MASTURBATORY THEATER FOR
PEOPLE WITH TRUMP DERANGEMENT
SYNDROME.
THEY CAN’T LET GO.