We had dinner last week, I think, something like that.
Yes.
And why wouldn't I know this story, that you rescued--
you saved a shark?
How I have not told you this story is kind of--
I mean, we all know, Ellen, no one loves animals
more more than Ellen, right?
And it's one of the great things I love about you.
[APPLAUSE]
One of the many.
And I was on a vacation about six months ago in the Maldives.
And I went freediving.
And there was a shark in a cave.
And he had a hook in his mouth with a big, long line
that had clearly been in there for months.
And we dove down and were able to remove
the hook from his mouth.
How big was the shark?
[APPLAUSE]
It was big.
I mean, he was probably 12 feet.
It's not a shark that would attack you or anything,
but it's still a shark.
That's amazing.
So you know, that's one of the great reefs in the Maldives.
And right around the corner there in the little dark area,
we found this shark.
It was like--
Wow.
Yeah.
You're a hero, and you're handsome.
Well, thank you.
You're both of those things.
Thank you.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
You're a brave man, though, because you
chose to get roasted on Comedy Central.
And that to me is--
Did anybody see that Comedy Central Roast?
I'm still-- I'm alive.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
I made it!
They couldn't take me down.
I can't believe you chose to do that.
Well, you know, we're budsies, right?
So when I was first doing this roast,
the first person I asked to be on the panel was Ellen.
She says, I can't be mean to you.
[LAUGHTER]
I can't possibly do it.
But I looked at it is like a badge of honor,
where like the harder they hit you,
the more respect they have to have for you,
because they figure you can take it.
So the minute they started hammering me,
I started feeling like, OK, good,
I'm ready to do my mean stuff.
Yeah.
Wow.
So, John Owen just turned 21.
My youngest son turned 21.
We took him to Las Vegas.
Wow.
[LAUGHTER]
Wow.
When did you do this?
This was last weekend.
And so there was lots of love, lots of pride,
lots of happiness, lots of Visine.
There might have been some vomiting.
There might have been one of the guests meeting a young lady
and getting their wallet stolen.
I'm just saying.
It's Las Vegas.
Wait.
Say what?
Yeah.
It was-- it got wild for these kids.
But look.
Here's the way I look at it.
Nobody got arrested.
Nobody ended up in the paper.
Everybody is healthy.
So I'm declaring victory and getting off the field.
Exactly.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
There are certain parents up there in the audience
shaking their heads, going, yeah.
Well, because I can't imagine your 21st birthday.
Well, it made me think of my 21st birthday.
And my 21st birthday, I was rolling with the Brat Pack.
That was like right in the height of my posse.
And--
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
There it is.
I'm 20 years old in that photo, just about to turn 21.
And everybody made a surprise party for me.
And the only way they could get me
to the location of the surprise party
was that they told me that I was having
a blind date with Madonna.
[LAUGHTER]
And I was like, yeah!
Yeah!
And then, of course, I got there,
and it's a surprise party, and it's really great.
But the whole night I was just bummed
because Madonna wasn't there.
[LAUGHTER]
It was like, I guess I'm not gonna
hook up with Madonna tonight.
Is that the one woman that you haven't dated in Hollywood?
[LAUGHTER]
Thank you.
Thank you for that.
I mean, come on.
Yes.
Listen, you can't have everything.
You have a lot, though.
That's true.
You do have a lot.
I'm not gonna deny it.
You're a happily married man with a beautiful family
and a great--
you just go from one project to the next, and everything
you're picking--
so this is totally different for you to do "Code Black."
"Code Black," coming off of a lot of comedies,
was fun to go back to, because it's like a no-fooling, deeply
emotional, realistic sort of adrenaline ride every week,
sort of like ER, I think, in its heyday.
And it was particularly fun for me
to play an Army trauma doctor.
Because as actors, we're asked to play heroes all the time.
And these are real heroes, whether it's
the Army trauma doctors or the people who take care of us
in these ERs.
When we're at our worst, they're at their best.
And to bring them to life and to dramatize them every week
has really been an honor.
Yeah, no, and you're doing a great job.
And it can't be-- we were talking about how hard this is
to learn the medical--
The medicine jargon?
Yeah.
Are you getting better at that?
Because that's a tough thing to learn.
The medical jargon, you know, it's
a lot of really difficult phraseology.
I kind of been good at it because--
I just-- I don't know.
I'm a verbal person, and my memory is pretty good.
Really?
So it it's not--
I think I'm probably the best on the show.
I don't want to say I'm the best on the show, but I'm--
I'm the best on show.
That's interesting.
[LAUGHTER]
That's very interesting, because we found something
that may dispute that.
Let's just take a look.
Oh, my God.
One man down over here.
Somebody.
It's not a gas.
It's on them.
It's "cholenergy toxictra"--
[BUZZER]
[LAUGHTER]
It's not a gas.
It's on them.
It's a "cholegernic dbl"--
[BUZZER]
[BLEEP]
[LAUGHTER]
It's "cholanercic toxitron."
[BUZZER]
Toxidrome?
[LAUGHTER]
It's "cholinerjic oxydrone."
[BUZZER]
It's cholinegerjic toxidram."
[BUZZER]
And it's not a gas!
It's on them!
It's called "choladerniic oxidrome!"
Robot!
[BUZZER]
[LAUGHTER]
"Toxitron?"
(IN ROBOT VOICE) I am Toxitron!
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
But you know my trick?
Notice the confidence with which I was wrong every single time.
Yeah.
Confidence usually can sell it.
[LAUGHTER]