are you in a relationship with a covert narcissist I've been there too and it
sucks by the end of this video you'll know all about the covert narcissist
what's in their little bag of tricks and what to do about them I'm Rebecca Zung
top one-percent attorney and the best-selling author of the books
negotiate like you matter and breaking free the step by step divorce guide and
I've helped thousands of people go from drama trauma and chaos and to step into
lives of freedom possibility prosperity and purpose and I do all the same things
right here on this channel so make sure to hit the little subscribe button smash
the notification bell so that you don't miss one single tip or trick okay so
let's talk covert narcissus what's the difference between them and a regular
narcissus so they're every bit a hundred percent narcissus they are the same
fragile little ego inside the same super insecure person that's deep inside there
but they look a little bit different because they're not in your face the way
regular overt narcissists are they they come across is a little bit more passive
a little bit more quiet so that on the surface you don't actually even notice
that they're narcissists at all in the beginning you know as a typical
narcissist you think is the person who is telling everybody how great they are
all the time the covert narcissist does not do that however because they don't
do that and because you can't see it right off the bat on the surface they're
actually way more insidious and way more toxic than overt narcissists are okay so
another trait of a covert narcissist is that they come across a shy and actually
even reserved they actually probably are prone to bouts of depression they may
even tell you that they have bouts of depression so you know on the
purpose they're gonna seem to be like maybe they're just nice people maybe
they might just be more fragile something like that because being a
victim is very much part of the covert narcissist plan to get people into their
lair okay the third thing that you'll see with covert narcissist is they seem
to be helpful in the beginning so they'll they'll actually lure you in
with things that they know that you want so that they can appear to be super
helpful but they really just want to use you so once you're into their lair then
they start with the passive-aggressive they start to drip on you like the
Chinese water torture and I'm half Chinese I could say that in your on your
forehead kind of a thing like and you start to think am I crazy you know
because the rest of the world sees this person is being so nice but you kind of
know that something is not right they're doing all these little things behind
your back and they they're very very good at Oh disguising it in such a way
that if you tell somebody about it that you the person's gonna go well that
doesn't sound so bad but you know that it's like this drip
drip drip thing that they're doing to try to make you crazy they lure you in
with I'm gonna help you with this and then they start with passive-aggressive
little things to try to make you crazy okay and the next trait of a covert
narcissist is that they often like to play the victim or maybe they're very
sickly or they often have health issues or something like that because they
constantly need to be the center of attention so they come up with ways that
they can constantly be the center of attention and then the last thing is
that they will not have any sense of empathy for another person they can
feign empathy but and they know when they have to apologize just to
apologize for the surface but they really don't actually have any empathy
for the other person because they actually are narcissus and narcissus
don't feel anything for anybody but themselves
if this is sounding all too familiar give me a for sure
in the comments okay so this is all well and good but if you have a covert
narcissist in your life what can you do about it
so the first thing that you can do about it is not to react especially if you
know that this covert narcissist is trying to get under your skin or trying
to manipulate you in some way where they're saying something to try to get a
rise out of you you just say good for you or that's great don't react because
that's exactly what they want you to do the second thing that you could do is if
the timing seems right call them out on their behavior but do it in a very
subtle way you sort of play their game oh I'm surprised to see that you're here
today you said you were sick yesterday something like that but you say it
without emotion you don't say it was smugness you just say it so that they
subtly know that you're calling them out on on their behavior but you are not
bothered by it you're not they're not getting a rise out of you you're just
noticing it so the third thing that you can do is do not and I repeat do not let
them know that they are getting to you you do not show any emotion you do not
show that anything that they're doing has manipulated you in any way because
that is exactly what they want and if they get that then they're gonna do more
of it so this is a subtle way to start shutting down this behavior it's kind of
like a behavior modification program for narcissus you don't give them what they
want so don't react because if you do then
that's what they want okay the fourth thing that you can do is kind of similar
to the others but this is specific to gaslighting because this is something
that narcissus will do often especially covert narcissist - they're
gonna try to Gaslight you so you try to make you think that you're crazy so
years ago there was a movie I think it was actually called Gaslight or
something and this husband was actually abusing the wife through trying to make
her seem like she was crazy and he would blow out these gas lights and then she
would say it wasn't that just lid and he would say no it wasn't and that's what
gas lighting is you know it's just like the subtle little thing to try to make
you think that you're crazy so basically it's like we talked about
that I said that it was okay or we had a conversation I'm sorry there was a
misunderstanding on your part and you know that there was no misunderstanding
or maybe that there was no conversation ever at all so don't let them Gaslight
you that way just say no there was never that conversation no we didn't have that
conversation or no there was no misunderstanding this is what we talked
about something like that remain firm don't allow them to manipulate you into
thinking that you're crazy okay number five is keep your barriers really strong
one of the things that narcissists do because you know they've got this mantra
that I will not be ignored is they don't respect boundaries so you know they'll
come right into your room they'll read your mail they will you know go places
that they're not supposed to be or whatever and they act like oh here I am
bringing you something nice I'm doing something nice for you so you know I'm
not respecting your boundaries but you're gonna forgive me because I'm
being nice about it something like that don't allow them to not respect your
boundaries have super strong barriers super strong barriers that's the only
way you're going to be able to manage their behavior and also keep your own
sanity and the other thing that you can do is to slowly close down the barriers
of communication and what I mean by this is if you have a narcissist in your life
and/or covert narcissist if the most thing that you can do for yourself is
get the mounting your life okay and you know
I've recently had to do that with people in my business arena and because you
know I've had some covert narcissist in my life and in the business arena and
I've had to deal with that and it was extremely difficult and it's painful
because you know it's sort of a betrayal in a lot of ways right but you know you
just have to understand and have compassion for the fact that they're
broken people and that they're they have deep deep insecurities and problems but
that doesn't mean they have to be in your space so if I were you I would try
to like slowly shut down those barriers of communication and slowly start to
wean them out of your space if you can if you are thinking about divorcing a
narcissist you're definitely going to want to check out my video on how to
divorce a narcissist and I will put a link to that in the description below if
you're about to negotiate with a covert narcissist in any way you definitely
want to download my crush my negotiation prep worksheet do not have a
conversation with a narcissist without it I will put a link to that below as
well and if you like this video and you thought it was helpful in some way give
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here with me today remember that today is a perfect day to start negotiating
your best life and I will see you in the next video
you