this is an all-ears English podcast episode 1892. why English inside jokes can build or break the
connection welcome to the all ears English podcast downloaded more than 200 million times are you
feeling stuck with your English we'll show you how to become fearless and fluent by focusing
on connection not Perfection with your American hosts Lindsay McMahon the English Adventurer and
Michelle Kaplan the New York radio girl coming to you from Colorado and New York City USA and to get
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it's an inside joke maybe a fun thing to say when you are in on the joke but how does it
make other people feel on today's episode Lindsay and Michelle dive deep into this
topic so that you can decide if you want to use this expression in your English conversations
[Music] hey Lindsay how Michelle I'm doing great how are you what's going on today I'm good I'm
good yeah not too much I am actually at a family member's house recording today so nice I'm outside
of my usual territory but I'm good um any time with the family that's always fun yeah exactly
um but so I have a question with you for you okay um do you have inside jokes with people
oh I do sometimes but usually it's more situation based you know usually the jokes are like right
after something happened and then it kind of does like if there was some weird event that happened
I can't think of any right now but some weirder than someone did something silly and then let's
say we go to a party right after that maybe I'll make an inside joke about that thing that just
happened between me and that other person right right right and then does that but then could
it could kind of live on if it was it could live on if it were funny enough exactly exactly I mean
okay but so let's take a step back what is an inside joke that's a good question so an inside
joke is when that joke really is only relevant or makes any sense between an exclusive group whether
it's two people three people or ten people it's inside it's not accessible to everyone as being
funny right right right exactly yeah it's only kind of entertaining for those involved and I mean
when when do these come up like like when might somebody hear an inside joke I mean you hear this
coming up a lot in groups right so someone might make a little joke and then they say oh it's an
inside joke and Michelle when you hear that how do you feel I really don't like it because I mean
it's one thing okay like if I'm talking to you when a new joke comes up I might you know and I
say to you like oh my gosh like that's a good inside joke or something like that it's going
to be like our joke okay but if if like let's say we are having a conversation with uh Jessica and
Aubry and you and me I went with you and Jessica to a game night or something and we have this joke
and then we say something like we're talking about it and then obvious like what is that and we're
like oh yeah no it's an inside joke right that's not that's kind of a way of excluding someone yes
I and people but people say this all the time and it's like they do yeah I don't know you know what
I think would be especially challenging is if you're meeting your partner's family for
the first time and they're kind of like a jokey family like you said before on the podcast you
shared with us that Dan family is very jokey yeah yeah um do you do a lot of inside jokes around you
um or are you just involved in them now so I think I've been in the I've been like with these people
with this gang um no uh for over 10 years so I feel like I know but there are there are still
you know of course like things then from their childhood so like I like you know I have like a
certain amount of things but there's never like a like no one ever is like oh that's an inside joke
like that I wanted to be allowed to like you know what the thing is with inside jokes when somebody
says it's an inside joke it's also like kind of like it almost like makes it feel like oh well
like that you couldn't understand like you didn't understand that you would never understand right
okay maybe it won't be as funny to you but like I don't know like give a little give a little
background just or you know just say like oh yeah no this is like oh my gosh yeah it's this is from
like yeah a cruise we went on and there was like crazy like right right right right right so party
or something yeah at least the person can kind of laugh and say oh I could see how that would
be funny exactly give them a little context right because especially in the business world you don't
want to make your colleagues feel extra included so if you're at a happy hour or a company party
and you're sitting there and someone someone enters your circle and you continue to tell that
inside joke or you laugh you need to say something give them a little context oh last year's company
party this happened that's why we're laughing about that pull them in a little bit right
Michelle right right because you know I think people who are involved in the inside joke who are
on the inside they may feel it's innocent to say that like right and they might feel like yeah like
have this feeling of oh it's not worth explaining because somebody else wouldn't find it funny but
again or they wouldn't understand but again like I think if like You're gonna laugh about it and
like and and kind of like make a joke to somebody about it and then and then just say oh no it's an
inside joke I find it it's funny because like sometimes you know on all there's English we
talk so much about things you should say but we also talk about things you shouldn't say and it's
not that you shouldn't say this it's just that you want to know kind of like what goes into it
and I think it's an important topic because it's huge for connection in yeah this is something we
want to avoid if our primary goal which it is on all those English guys is connection not
Perfection this is a way to immediately kind of cut off that connection and you wanna you wanna
make people feel confident and make it feel like you are approachable that's the other thing right
if you do this too much people aren't actually going to walk up to you at parties or approach you
because they don't want to hear this yeah right exactly I mean Lindsay do you ever say I mean now
that I'm testing how terrible it is be honest I mean like so sometimes people might say it's
an anti joke or they might say sorry inside joke like yeah yeah sorry inside joke no to be honest
I don't do this that much I don't think I don't because I do I I think I think a lot about how
people feel yeah actually and I think you do too Michelle um and especially in a socializing event
um I don't want people to walk up to me and feel like they have to walk away if I'm telling that
joke right yeah right right right I feel like it's used well I say it's used a lot by teenagers but
I actually have no idea because I'm not major anymore and every teenagers say such different
things but like when I was a teenager I feel like that was a big thing like yeah that was probably
a thing inside a joke that's a joke it's a joke yeah for sure so what else do our listeners need
to know here well yeah well you know what let's just like just like quickly give another example
of how it would of how it would sound okay so like all right so wait why are you laughing oh nothing
sorry sorry Lindsay inside joke I'm not laughing I didn't I didn't enjoy that interaction right
right or if I said do you like oh we have this joke uh it's an inside joke I can tell you later
okay well that's a little better you know you're giving a little context and you're saying I'll let
you know what it's about later so you're right that is kind of like a bit more of a singing a
symbol of respect a signal exactly it's like okay like maybe now maybe we're like in the middle of
like uh like okay like I'm imagining let's say uh the four of us I mean yeah yeah me you are Lindsay
let's say we went to a show together yeah and there's a part that's not funny of the show it's
not meant to be funny but you and I just start like cracking up like because it reminds us of
something and then Jessica's like what is it and then it wouldn't be like right now it wouldn't be
a good time for me to share that with her it's in the middle of a show right for sure I say
I'll tell you later yeah and that's okay that's again that's better than just saying oh inside
joke right so all right good stuff right now what is This Acronym all about i-y-k-y-k I've
never seen this before do our listeners need to know this okay so you might see this from time
to time and I'm hoping that I got this right but um I see this a lot on social media um somebody
maybe in an Instagram story or something like that it stands for if you know you know okay so
um so it's kind of my understanding is it's kind of a similar idea to an inside joke but
it might not be about a joke it might just be like something saying if you identify with this
or you're in on it I'm like like I I think it's mostly written um so for example somebody might
post like a picture of an amazing bagel from their town right okay and it's like oh if you know you
know so it's a little bit different but it's kind of like a unique spin on inside joke right
um not everybody would know about it so it can make somebody feel a little bit funny potentially
I think this one's not quite as nefarious this is kind of more about Best Kept Secrets right like
over the weekend we went to well I'm not going to say the name of the town actually because I
want to keep it a secret we went to a little town in Southwestern Colorado that we love to go to
because it is getting out of you know the typical Breckenridge Veil Yuppie Colorado scene and it's a
much more um low-key scene but there's still a lot of outdoorsy people there there's a lot of good
beer good drinks good food beautiful views but the traffic is just enough there's no traffic getting
there so no one knows so it's like if you know you know but I'm not going to necessarily like
tell everyone to go there right right no that's a perfect example that's a perfect example yep
okay so Michelle let's talk a little bit more for our listeners if our goal on aller's English
is to become more inclusive and bring people in and connect you know should we worry about this
exclusive language using this exclusivity in our language um I personally think it's not nice yeah
yeah unless you're using but but that's not to say that you can't use it in a beneficial way like
that example where I said oh it's an inside joke I'll tell you later but but just this feeling of
like oh it's an inside joke like or just inside joke you know you might hear that and and to me
like I don't know like would you ask someone what it is no I think at that point if someone says
that to me oh it's an inside joke no I want to walk away to be honest I don't want to just want
to feel nice it's like all right fine I don't care anyway like right and you just don't and it's kind
of their thing it's kind of private I wouldn't try I wasn't there uh I think it when it comes
down to being exclusive of in your language it depends on the intention your intention
when you're saying it right and you know what my intention is are you trying to make someone feel
like they're an outsider like they don't belong in your little group of conversation or are you
just trying to save their time and you assume that they don't want to bother with it and you know if
you have that air or give them a little context that's okay right just a little taste of what it
is like taste yeah I I think no matter what your intention is I think that if you say oh nothing
it's an inside joke I think it sounds unless you're saying I'll tell you later so I think
that's my personal thought about it but I think if you give a little taste of the joke like oh
no it's just this inside joke from when we were on a when we were on a trip and give a little taste
I love that it doesn't seem it doesn't seem like because I think that sometimes when people say it
it makes them it makes them sound like very proud of themselves right well we have an inside joke I
think this episode really goes back to you know I feel like there's very few people who actually
enjoyed Middle School you know yeah yeah right and it goes back to like you know being somewhat
always kind of feeling like an outsider in middle school I think we all felt that way right because
they were the cool kids and we all felt a little excluded at times so it kind of comes back to that
we can that can come back as adults to haunt us right right no it's so it's so true now you're
like getting a taste of uh how I felt no I just uh no but like okay so I mean but here is here's
a different question let's take this like in a different direction okay as you know trying to
connect with people should we try to find inside jokes with them so I think yes I think it's
good I think we could do another episode for our listeners Michelle on how to find that inside joke
and how to how to actually build a joke out of an event that would be actually a really cool episode
to design uh guys if you love that idea then go ahead and hit follow on this podcast right now
so that you don't miss it we're gonna design that episode um so I think it's 3 there's no harm in
it it's just a matter of do you cut other people out of that conversation that's another story what
we're talking about today but creating a joke builds connection yes yes right exactly exactly
um yeah I I think um you know they can be very useful for connection if you aren't in on it I
mean you can I mean Lindsay you said you feel like you want to walk away you could always
say like oh I don't get it or like change the subject yeah yeah or you could say like oh no
well what I mean if it depends how you feel if you really feel like shut out then just like whatever
and but you could always be like oh no what's the story like I want to hear it like if you
if you feel comfortable yeah it could you could also say I'm not in on the joke I love this use
of grammar here for our listeners Michelle I'm not in on the joke right just saying you don't
get it you're not in on it right right to be in on the joke exactly yeah that's really good so
um yeah um Lindsay I mean what's what's the takeaway for today we really delved into we
did this expression an inside joke and all that it means uh what do you wanna do you want to add
I mean I think it just matters the way we we make people feel and that's what that's what connection
is what's the point in knowing every word in the English vocabulary and every grammar point if we
don't make people feel good around us right right so guys just always be aware of how you're making
other people feel and try to give them a little context it can be a matter of a tiny gesture the
littlest thing you do to give them a tiny bit of context to make them feel included and make them
feel like more confident around you right yeah I love that I love that so you can actually use
that you know in a way if you use it and you give a little bit of that context it can actually build
the connection so you can either open a door or you can close a door with this experience love
it love it that is such a good way to put it Michelle let's finish the episode on that idea
and I'll see you back here very soon all right have a good one Lindsay take care bye bye foreign
thanks for listening to all ears English would you like to know your English level take our two
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[Music]