- [Narrator] Hello, Psych2Goers.
Welcome back to our channel.
If you have kids,
I'm sure that every single thing you do for them
you do while keeping their best interest at heart.
You want them to be as healthy and happy as they can be.
But parenting is certainly not an easy job.
And no matter how hard you try,
it can sometimes be difficult to avoid making some mistakes.
Even though a lot of parents know their youngster the best,
child psychologists have been researching
children's development for decades
and most commonly agree that some parenting methods
can actually be damaging to a child's growth.
So, what are they?
Here are some common mistakes parents make
that can be detrimental to their kids' development.
Number one, signing kids up for too many activities.
Loving parents often want their kids to be smart,
active, and talented.
What better way to achieve that than by signing them up
for a bunch of extracurricular activities?
Football practice, guitar lessons,
foreign language, and art classes.
These activities are great
for a child's physical, emotional, and social development.
But the problem arises when there are just too many.
Constantly jumping from one lesson to another
while trying to balance school and homework
can negatively impact a child's sleeping habits.
It can also negatively affect their mental health as well,
making them prone to depressive moods
and making it difficult for them to cope with stress.
But how much is too much?
The answer is easy.
Just listen to your children.
Parents should be aware of how busy
and stressed their children are.
Whether they express it to them or simply show signs.
Also, follow the golden mean.
Research published in Journal of Youth and Adolescents
stated that children who are engaged
in only a moderate amount of activity,
compared to those with a larger amount of hobbies,
had better results in school.
By giving kids enough time for school,
hobbies, play, and rest,
parents can help them learn time management skills
and relieve them of unnecessary stresses.
Number two, not allowing kids to say no.
Sometimes it seems like from the moment
our little one start talking,
the word no becomes their most cherished word.
Questions ranging from "Did you wanna eat your veggies?"
to "Will you share your toys with your sister?"
are often greeted with a loud and clear no.
And most of the time,
this answer is followed by a parent's anger and frustration.
"I'm your parent.
You can't say no to me."
Of course, teaching kids respect
towards their parents is important.
But letting them,
moreover, teaching them,
how to say no might be even more important.
If children are never allowed to say no,
they might not learn how to gain confidence,
how to communicate their boundaries,
or how to stand their ground.
This can become a big problem once they grow up
to get into romantic relationships
or start working.
According to 2008 research on child development,
while arguing with their parents, by saying no,
children could bring that attitude to relationships
with their peers and practice standing up for themselves.
Of course, the goal is to teach them how to say no politely
and respectfully,
which in turn could help them protect themselves,
maintain identity, and develop a positive self image.
Number three, comparing children to others.
Have you ever asked your child,
"Why can't you be more like your brother?"
Or perhaps your parents used to tell you,
"Look how good other children behave."
Comparing children to their siblings or other children
is a trap many parents fall into, intentionally or not.
You might think that this would motivate them
to behave better,
but being constantly compared to others
could actually hurt their little hearts pretty badly.
By comparing your child to someone else in a negative way,
you are in a way telling them
that some other kid is better than them.
This can ruin your child's self-esteem from an early age.
They may also think they're not living up
to your expectations,
which could make them think that you don't like them
or love them as much as you actually do.
What you could try instead
is setting up realistic expectations for your children.
Celebrate their strengths.
And if they make a mistake that other children don't,
let them know you love them regardless.
Number four, forcing children to eat.
Did you have that one specific food
that you simply hated as a kid?
Did that food happen to be some very healthy vegetable
that your parents made you eat,
resulting in tears and screaming during dinner
and threats of not leaving the table
until you empty your plate?
In a study written by psychologists
from several universities in the USA,
70% of adults said that they had experienced being forced
to eat in their childhood.
As a result today,
they see themselves as picky eaters
and more restrictive in their eating habits,
often avoiding that specific food they were forced to eat.
This is a result from associating that food
with negative social context:
fights, yelling, punishments, or threats.
Also, being forced to eat may be connected
to a child's weight.
Another research study published
in the International Journal of Obesity
found that preschool children who weren't allowed
to choose the food they liked to eat
had more problems with their weight.
Of course, it's important
to make sure your kids eat healthy meals,
but there are ways
to ensure their eating habits stay healthy
without making your dinner table a war field.
Make sure that mealtimes are relaxed and fun.
Ask your kid to help you prepare the meal
or give them a choice every now and then.
Ask them, "Would you like carrots or green beans today?"
These are all good places to start.
Number five, using humiliation as discipline.
Maybe you've come across Facebook posts
from moms and dads sharing their frustrations
about their kids with hundreds of friends and relatives.
"How do I make my son clean his messy room?
He never listens!"
Or maybe you've seen an angry parent yelling at their child
in front of their friends.
Shaming and humiliating children in front of others
is one of those discipline methods
that may seem appropriate in the heat of the moment
but should actually be avoided completely.
As stated by Andy Grogan-Kaylor,
an associate professor of social work
at the University of Michigan,
shaming a child or making them feel degraded
leads to all kinds of behavioral and emotional problems
in the future.
Children who are shamed in front of their friends
can feel embarrassed, cry in shame,
and repeat the same mistakes
because of the nervousness they feel.
This way of dealing with children's bad behavior
can also make them become socially anxious
as a result of the shame they feel,
and they can become depressed or aggressive as a result.
It can also set them up to be bullied in school,
as well as lose trust in their parents.
So when your children choose to misbehave,
it would be best to take them aside
and have a private conversation.
By doing that, you can help strengthen your relationship
and keep your child's dignity untouched.
And number six, praising a child's intelligence
rather than hard work.
Did you get praised about the work you put into studying
or only praised on the perfect grade?
Not many things in life make a parent more proud
than seeing a big red A on their child's school report.
Naturally, the next thing you'd wanna do is praise them.
"You did such a good job, you are so smart!"
There's nothing wrong
with praising your children, of course,
but focusing your praise solely on their abilities
rather than their hard work can actually be bad
for their future motivation and beliefs.
American psychologist Carol Dweck thought about this
in her mindset theory,
where she connected praise, achievements, and motivation.
According to her,
praising children only for their intelligence
leads towards the creation of a fixed mindset.
When a child with a fixed mindset fails at something,
they tend to think that they're not smart enough to succeed.
They may become less motivated to try harder
and get worse results overall.
But if you focus your praise on your kids' effort,
saying, "Good job, you must have worked very hard,"
those kids will believe that even if they fail,
they can achieve better results if they try harder.
They're motivated to keep pushing and learning,
and they tend to do better at school.
So it's best to keep that in mind the next time
your child brings home a perfect test score.
Do you relate to some of these points as a parent?
Let us know in the comments down below.
Or maybe your parents made some of these mistakes
while you were growing up.
Even if that is the case, the take-home message is simple.
There's no such thing as a perfect person,
no such thing as a perfect parent.
Finding ways to better yourself every day,
learning as you go to avoid mistakes,
and most importantly,
giving your kids unconditional love is all that matters
in the end.
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or you think it could help someone else.
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Thanks so much for watching and take care.