our first guest stars on the popular HBO series Last Week Tonight with John
Oliver it airs Sunday nights at 11 p.m here he is the very funny John Oliver
that's right John Oliver okay it's me now
tonight do me a favor yeah anything thank you by the way thank you for being here do me a favor
and and if you can in bullet points explain to us uh your career here in the United States you
started in London I started in England I filed unremittingly for 10 years you failed at what
failed it you know success now I I was trying to get a professional career as a comedian and
I just about got one in I could maintain a very low level of Lifestyle and then I kind of failed
upwards to America so it's the so if this is a dream it's the dream of every immigrant doing
stand-up comedy and yeah I was doing comedy I was doing stand up there I see and then you came
to the United States what brought you here The Daily Show Jon Stewart brought me here how did
they know about you I I'm not entirely sure it's one of those questions you never want to really
ask because it might have been a mix-up it's always a classic imposter syndrome if I if I
put too much of a magnifying glass on this thing they're going to realize there's been a huge error
so yeah I I don't really know what happened but I came here and I've not really left good
for you yeah done very well and and uh now have your own very successful show on HBO and
look at this uh-oh how about that ladies and gentlemen on the cover of the Rolling Stones
on the cover of the Rolling Stone yeah it's a it's um that's very nice congratulations on that buddy
it's a it's amazing for me and it's a sad day for Rolling Stone I feel sorry for Jimi Hendrix
in this because he must be looking back and go oh I guess I'll be less excited about the memory of
when that happened now you're right there part of American culture chronicled in the Rolling Stone
all right nice job I know a lot you know and I I like having my photo taken as you can see
are you um how many shows do you use a week it's once a week once a week and uh I guess
I think we're doing like 25 shows this year and that must make you raging mad a number that low
no but do you find that a weekly shirt you have free time do you do stuff no I do nothing no I've
I've taken the the opportunity to basically put all my efforts into this one show so I'm driving
myself slightly crazy with it at the moment but it's been it's been an amazing fun and a huge
privilege and I'm not fired yet and every day that that is the case is a huge Victory as far as I'm
concerned well you do a great job and people are very fond of you and the show oh thanks now this
is the the typically the time in your visit when I inquire about your wife who makes all of us look
like ninnies yeah Minnie's is literally the nicest possible way you could say it yeah she was uh she
was in the Army in the US Army in first half so I wear this for her whenever I come here and she
was uh yeah she was a combat Medic in Iraq and uh so she is yeah she's awesome and uh yeah she has
she's she has married down in and almost Benz inducing manner
expecting a nosebleeds during as we're exchanging vows just oh wow yeah yeah it's uh I've never met
the woman I would like to meet the woman because uh I have nothing but the highest regard for her
and others like her and and here is a woman who dropped into combat zones and takes care
of the Wounded nearly lethally mortally wounded men and women who are serving our country you
and I put on makeup and have a little TV show we do that's what we do we do and uh
and uh and we call that stretchfield huh hardest job in the world huh hardest job
in the world exactly uh now we were talking about uh baseball you know the World Series just around
the corner yep and what you probably still like soccer I don't I love it I'm obsessed with it I
answered this question for me in in England alone how many soccer teams of consequence
are there of consequence because there's so every everyone is a soccer team every
there are soccer teams everywhere of consequence it's you know there's probably about five or six
that could actually win something the rest are trying their hardest and we respect that right
now you have two two separate leagues you have people who get bumped out of the number one no
we have four separate leagues if you fail you get because you want to enjoy it's a classic British
thing you want to make failure really hurt so you are relegated and you can we've made we've managed
to get the class system in sports oh yeah so the the highest class of achievement in soccer that's
right is what that is the Premier League the Premier League that's right and then if you want
to stay in the premiere you want to stay there how many teams uh in that I think there's about 19.
and then if you if you if you in the bottom you are like down Abbey you are relegated downstairs
to the servants quarters of sports right but the the Lesser teams can struggle their way up and
make it to the Premier League that's the idea of course we all know how that works and and has has
it happened that the Premier League lineup changes year to year or no it doesn't change that much
anymore because we don't have any wage cap in in uh British sport exactly so Money Talks bigger the
team the bigger the paycheck that's right yeah and so those guys are the Premier League who
would be in the Lesser League what do we call the Lesser League well we call them peasants basically
The Peasant leaves we don't call them no it goes Premier League Championship first division
second division and then uh the conference and the conference is basically amateur so you're
doing that just because you love the game so those guys in the conference are not eligible
to work their way up they're eligible to do it it just doesn't happen sure but they they might like
me have physical restraints that prevent them from doing that all I wanted all I wanted was
to be a professional football player this is a distant Plan B yeah Plan B well now let me
I appreciate your patience on this topic oh I'm fine there's nothing I like talking about more
um so what does a team in in the Lesser division two is that what you said it was yeah before the
conference players yeah what does that team have to do to replace a Premier League team
well uh they might need an extremely rich uh maybe oil Baron to come in and help them uh otherwise
they'll need to improve their grounds there are many steps in the way is it all determined on one
loss is it percentage is it goals scored no it's probably no no it's cumulative over the season
you get you get three points for a win one point for a draw and shame for a loss and so that if
you get the most points at the end of the season then you can move up a class right and the points
are equal for every level yeah they're equivalent yeah so so we just keep track of all of these uh
cumulative points that's right and if Manchester United scores lesser points than the uh uh you
know Downton Abbey team that's right they're replaced by Downton Abbey then Downton Abbey would
be eligible to come up yeah but that will never happen because Manchester United have Yankee money
right but but theoretically yes Manchester United with with all of their money theoretically if we
lived in a world where life was fair yes and that there were consequences uh to sports failure then
yes they would they they could plummet they could plummet into becoming an amateur team
but that's unlikely has that ever happened to a premier league sure it happened in not
in the Premier League no it's not no because he couldn't you can't there's too much money
in it now but it did happen in the 20s yeah but but so so what's the point now of getting your
hopes up that of working your way to the Premier League this is this is you are literally embodying
why soccer will never take off in the United States because you can talk about it as long
as you want you eventually get to a point of an American going but what so what's the point
yeah what's the point in order yes but so it would be like in the United States if if the
Mets who have become the second team over decades and decades and decades they've become the second
team in New York City it's like they could work their way down to AAA like next year the rights
will be playing they could do that triple A they literally they could have to take part-time work
as hot dog salesmen and then if things again don't go that way their way interpolate they
go down to double a that's right and then finally they might be down to single legs
and then instructionally that's right and then playing against six-year-olds yeah
so this people things really are on the line but you say money takes care of the whole man yeah
money takes care of everything capitalism will always work okay let's take a look at the clip
huh what a clip of what I've got nothing I've got nothing don't worry about it
I can see a clip of your wife
the show John Oliver Last Week Tonight look at there buddy don't take it for me
Rolling Stone everybody we'll be right back with Maggie Q [Applause] [Music]