- This gonna be a good one.
- Oh, Lord. (both laugh)
- How has the current events of 2020
affected our relationship in ways we didn't expect?
- In ways we didn't expect.
Well for one, I mean, I've always been,
in regards to being Black.
(laughs) - I was gonna say,
we right here. (laughs)
- I'm like, which topic do I wanna touch on first?
In regards to being Black,
and I mean, moving to the south,
I immediately was worried about me having a Black husband.
I think this has heightened it.
I think when you go on your runs, I'm paranoid.
And that's why I'm glad you're fast at running,
so that you come right home within like 30, 40 minutes.
- Eight miles, five minutes.
(both laugh)
- Yeah.
And I think it's made us have more conversations
about our family and how we would like
to talk to our kids about things.
That's probably, honestly part of why too,
I'm fine with holding off on having kids.
Like when we had that conversation,
that's honestly part of why I'm like, "I..."
I mean, obviously people have had kids through
all different types of parts of history,
terrible parts, you know, worse than this.
But for me personally, I think that's part
of why I was also like, "Let's just wait."
- Mm-hmm. - So, yeah.
And in terms of COVID, I mean,
I think, shit, we've spent a lot more time together.
- Yeah. - You know?
And surprisingly, not necessarily in a bad way,
but surprisingly, still it's been good.
- Yeah.
- We've not been annoyed by each other.
- I think if COVID happened in 2016...
- Psh, nah.
If COVID happened four years ago,
we would have been like, "Look."
(both laugh)
"I don't know if this is gonna work out."
- Right, I got to go.
- Okay, describe the moment you realized
I was in love with you.
- Hmm, that's a good one.
So yeah, when you actually said it,
I remember you texted me.
- Are you talking about the text, not the in person?
- No, I remember the in person too.
- Okay, go ahead, sorry.
- I remember the text where you said, "I blank you.
I've known it since last summer."
It was like blank, and then I think you had another blank
and I was like "What is this?
This is like a--"
- (laughs) Hangman over text. (talking over each other)
- "Exercise or something?"
So, I mean, obviously I knew what it was.
I remember I went to my mom and showed her
and I was like...
(both laugh)
And he looked at me like, "Hm."
- I'm interested to know this for you as well.
I wanted to know how you realized,
when you realized you were in love with me.
- Mm.
It's okay if we talk about your mom?
- Yeah. - Okay.
- I mean, it's kind of early and I'mma start crying,
but it's fine, go ahead. - Yeah, I'll keep it light.
- I'll just be like this. (laughs)
- Yeah, no, I would say, I think after your mom passed away
and you were out of school for like a week.
And I think then, looking back now, (voice cracks)
I kind of realized. (clears throat)
(both laugh)
I kinda realized it.
Just 'cause it really did feel like,
I was like, "Oh, wow." ♪ Lost with (laughs) ♪
- Yeah, like who am I right now?
You know, we just, we fit together really well.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
I'm not the type to miss people, but I did miss you.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
(laughs) And I didn't think I would.
Even other people--
- You didn't think you would miss me? (laughs)
- Just 'cause, like I said, I'm not the kind to miss people,
but even other people noticed too.
- Really?
- I just kind of wandered around,
you know, and did whatever.
And I think that I realize that too, every time
that we're away from each other.
- Yeah, cool.
Even now? - Yeah.
- Bet. (both laugh)
- Hmm, what is the pain in me you wish you could heal?
Hold onto that card, just 'cause I wanna remember
that was you. - Mm-hmm.
- The pain? - Mm-hmm.
I wouldn't necessarily consider it a pain,
but just, I want you to feel free to like,
explore what you want and do what you want.
- Yeah. - Shit. (chuckles)
(sniffs)
Like, I want you to have the confidence
and the support, which would also come from me,
to do what you want without always worrying
about what other people think.
I want you to not worry about what other people think
at all, I want you to think about you, you know?
So I don't know if that's necessarily considered a pain,
but (sniffs) maybe it's moreso a burden
of thinking about all these different factors
of like, finances or...
but where will we be and what will, you know?
I don't want you to have to worry about that,
which is also why I try not to put pressure on you.
(sniffs) So, yeah.
What is one experience you wish we never shared and why?
- Hmm.
I mean, I don't wanna call anybody out, but...
(both laugh)
- Who are you about to call out?
- No, I just think that we went through as teenagers
and you know, getting serious so early.
And then some of the conflict that we we came into
with other people, not necessarily agreeing with being so,
not involved, but so serious about each other
at such a young age.
I guess it was good in terms of building character
or whatever, but I think as teenagers,
it wasn't always fair.
It wasn't really fair to have to go through that, you know?
And especially with everything that went on with you,
even at home too, you know, like we were still kids, so.
I mean, I'm over it, I don't harbor anything.
Every once in a while, it'll just kind of cross my mind
and I'll be like, "That was kind of fucked up.
That didn't have to happen."
Or like, "That didn't have to be sad,"
or, you know. - Mm-hmm.
Mine was gonna be the other one.
(laughs) - Oh.
- But I like yours, and I agree.
Granted, I do think it helped actually make
our relationship stronger in both scenarios.
Mine is just...
I wish in college...
we were more direct
about what we both needed from each other.
So then we were happier together.
- Yeah. - Yeah, cool.
- Ooh, hmm.
What does my love feel like?
- Hmm. - There's gonna be tears.
- (laughs) No.
I think because I wanted it for so long,
even now, it still feels so...
warm and like...
fun and young, you know?
'Cause I guess in my head I'm still like, 16.
You know, when certain things happen,
when I had my moments of like,
"Oh, he really does love me."
In my head, I'm 16 and I'm like, you know? (laughs)
Seeing my future, like "Girl, he loves you."
(both laugh)
But it feels warm and comforting and secure, you know?
I feel like I know that you've got me, basically.
And even if we weren't together romantically,
I still know that you absolutely love me
and you've got me platonically too, you know?
You know everything about me, you support me.
And I think it feels good to feel,
not like a hug, but like there's something around me.
If that makes sense, like an invisible, like you've got me.
(laughs) - Like a safety net but like--
- Yeah, not like a safety net.
'Cause a safety net, I feel like
is far down in case you fall.
You're more like, right up under me so I can't fall.
(laughs)
I want to ask you that too, what does my love feel like?
- Hmm, I would say...
complete understanding, you know.
I don't feel like there's anything right now
that you don't get about me, you know?
Even though, 'cause like yeah, how you say I doubt myself.
I worry about what other people think of me.
I worry about what you think of me, of course.
But I don't, it's not that same kind of insecurity.
I know that even if I were to mess up or, you know,
if something I just mess up or something I didn't do right,
it wouldn't stop you from loving me the same way.
Like, helping me.
It wouldn't just be,
you know, criticism. - Right.
- Kind of the same thing, I just know
that you're there, you got me.
(both laugh)
- What's it, we got y'all? - We got y'all.
(both laugh)
- We're insecure. - Yeah.
It's very, it's yeah. - Aww.
I love you. - I love you too.
(both laugh)
- Hi guys, thank you so much for watching.
This is Mimi at The Skin Deep.
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