Clay Andrews: Should you reach out to
your ex this Christmas? That's what we're going to be talking about in this video.
But first, my name is Clay with modernlove.life, where we help you get the great loving
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Okay. So it's the holiday season, right? We've passed Thanksgiving, it's now December,
it's that time of year. Should you be reaching out to your ex this year? Let's go ahead and
talk this out. Let's go ahead and talk this out because we want to think about
the context that we're doing all of this in. So, first of all, as we've mentioned before, in
our previous video on the holiday season, I did that last week, right up there,
it is going to be a little bit different this year. We've got the holiday season,
we have 2020, obviously. So we have the holiday expectation effect, plus we have 2020 on top of
that. So I think that this is actually going to be working in your favor if you do want to contact
your ex, if you do want to reach out to your ex this Christmas time, because the holiday season is
a time when people are a little bit more forgiving and understanding and all that stuff. So, that's
definitely working in your advantage. And on top of that, we also have 2020. That is also going to
make people a little bit more understanding and a little bit less likely to hold onto grudges. So,
we have two things kind of pushing things in your favor. So, that is definitely a positive thing.
When it comes to, should you actually do this though? We want to think about this. Okay. So,
when it comes to holidays in general, what I usually do and what I usually advise people
is that, don't think that just because you contacted them on the holiday and they're like,
"Oh wow. You wished me a Merry Christmas or something like that. That's so sweet. We should
get back together." If you think that's going to happen, release that, let go of that. It's
probably not going to happen that way. It's probably not going to unfold that way at all.
But if you're coming from this without this sort of covert contract of, "Okay,
I'm going to wish you a Merry Christmas. I'm going to get you this gift. You're going to
fall back in love with me or something." But if you can let go of the covert contract,
the ulterior motive, the hidden agenda, basically, use all my jargon. I don't know if you necessarily
know my jargon, but that's what a covert contract is, it's a hidden agenda. And if instead,
you can just say, "Okay, the season of Christmas or Hanukkah or whatever, is within me. And I
want to just, from a place of genuine caring, genuine compassion, genuine love, whatever it is,
without expectation of return, without expectation that anything's going to happen, I just want to
wish you a Merry Christmas and wish good things on you and say, 'Hello,' and catch up with you."
Then I think that is a great place emotionally to be in. And that is,
I think the place where you're actually going to have the best impact when it comes to all of this.
Now, why is that? It's because you're emotionally detached from the outcome. Of course, I think
none of us are ever going to be a hundred percent emotionally detached when it comes to interacting
with our exes or when it comes to relationships. But if you can have this curiosity of just like,
"Hey, how have you been holding up recently, through everything that we've been?" I don't
know when the last time you spoke with your ex was, but through everything that's been going on,
whether it's been just a couple of weeks or whether it's been all year along, I think that
if you are detached from outcome and you just curiously are wanting to say, "Hey,
how's this year been treating you? I know it's been a crazy year and it's hard to believe
everything that's happened in just the last 12 months. Crazy, right? Just 12 months ago, we were
celebrating a totally normal holiday season. And now, it's pandemic and everything else going on,
what are you going to do?" Right? So, I think it definitely
can make sense for people to contact their ex. If you do, you probably want to start out with
something like that, something where it's not too heavy, something where it's just like,
"Hey, I know this year has been kind of crazy and I just wanted to see how you've been doing. I hope
you're doing well. I know we have our history, not trying to force anything that's not there,
but I just wanted to see how you've been doing." Something along those lines is
probably the best way to go about doing this. And then, like I was talking about in the previous
video that I did last week on the holiday season, you want to just be curious about where they're
at. Because you may not necessarily know what's going on with them and you just want to check
in with them and reconnect with them and see if there's any kind of connection there. And then,
if there is the seed of something there, okay, great. But we don't want to get too far down
that road and think that, "Okay, we're going to get back together. This is going to be some sort
of great romantic move or something like that, that gets us back together." We just want to be
genuinely curious and find out where they're at and see if there is anything there worth
connecting on, first and foremost. And then, if there is, okay, great. Take it where it goes,
but let's not get our expectations up prematurely. Let's just go ahead and connect with them. And
if so, start out casually. For most people out there, I'd recommend starting out casually,
and then take it where it goes. But yeah, you do have those two factors
moving in your favor. You have the holiday expectation effect and you also have 2020.
2020's been a crazy year for all of us. But if there is one silver lining in it,
it's that I think it has caused a lot of people to be a little bit more forgiving and understanding
with each other. At least, the personal people in our lives, maybe not so much politically.
But anyway, take care. I hope this helped you out. If you did like this video, please hit that
thumbs-up button. And if you do want to learn more about my take on the whole holiday season,
we've got this video series for you right over here, or you might want to check out
this video over here. But otherwise, please take care and I'll talk to you next time.