-Hi, in this video,
we're going to talk about when is the right time
to sleep with a guy that you like for the first time.
Hi there, Mat Shaffer your connection,
relationship and empowerment coach here to unpack a topic
that I've talked to a lot of my clients
and a lot of my friends about when is the right time
to finally hit the hay and sleep with a man
that you're interested in.
I know that this can be a very hazy subject
and that there's a lot of conflicting advice
out there around that.
I want to put in my two cents and what I have seen work
for my clients time and time and time again
because it all starts with you.
Before we dive into that, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button and also click the link
in the caption or comments.
I've created some great training that I know
is going to really help you in your relationships.
Let's start off by giving you
some context around this subject.
We're talking about when is the right time
to sleep with a guy?
First off,
let's just assume that you are looking
to create a relationship with this guy
because if you're not,
if that's not something that you're looking for long-term,
you can really sleep with them anytime you want.
If you're just looking for sex,
which there's nothing wrong with that,
if that's what you're looking for, do it whenever you want.
This is presuming that you want to sleep with him
in a way that will maximize your potential
of being in relationship with him
because men tend to have a category system for women.
They have women that they can sleep with
and women that are easier for them to just get into bed,
then they have women that they want
to be in relationship with.
You want to be able to be in that second quadrant
if you're looking to create relationship with this guy.
The last thing I want to mention before we dive
into our guidelines is that there are no concrete rules.
This is not a black and white process.
Just because you don't follow these guidelines
and maybe you slept with somebody a little early
or before you knew all this stuff,
it doesn't mean that you can't be in relationship with him.
Sometimes great relationships start after you're intimate
with somebody really early on.
It can happen.
It has happened.
If that's already happened to you, it doesn't matter.
Don't beat up on yourself about it
and don't think you've ruined
the potential for a relationship.
Let's dive into this.
First off,
you need to know there are no concrete timelines.
I don't believe in a one month waiting period
or a three-month waiting period from starting to date
a guy till sleeping with them.
I don't think that a timeline is what gets to dictate
when is the right time.
I think the right time is an internal decision
that you make based upon how you feel.
I'm going to give you a couple of questions to help you
really tap into how you feel about a man
and how you feel about your connection with him
so you can decide, "Yes, it's time or let's hold off."
First off for the first question,
probably the most important question to ask yourself is,
"Do I really feel safe with him?
Do I feel safe with the way
he's treating me in relationship?
Do I feel safe when we're together?
Do I feel safe with our physical intimacy
up into this point?
Is he loving?
Is he nurturing?"
Do you feel connected to him or is there anxiety
or is there uncertainty?
Your gut, your internal guidance system
is extremely important, your woman's intuition.
If you ask yourself this question and you're able to say,
"You know what, I do feel safe with him."
I feel safe when I'm around him.
When I think about him, I feel safe.
I feel secure in the dynamic and in the energy
that we have between each other.
Maybe you're ready, maybe it's time.
Another important question to ask yourself is,
"Is he invested in you?"
Has he demonstrated that he is invested in you?
Does he make time for you even when he's busy
and especially when he's not busy.
When he's with you, is he fully present?
Is he connected with you?
Does he anticipate what it is that you want
or does he ask you what it is that you want?
Is he actively curious about who you are, what you're about,
what your past is, what your family's like,
does he want to meet your friends?
Is he giving you these signs of investment?
That's another important step to determining
if he's ready to take that next physical step with you
because you both have to be ready and in order for you
to trust him and invest in him physically like that,
he has to be invested in you and ready and willing
and interested in moving forward with the relationship.
Which brings us to a third,
very important question to ask yourself,
"Do you see long-term potential with this person?"
Do you want to be with this person
for an extended amount of time in a relationship?
I'm not saying he needs to be your soulmate.
I'm not saying he needs to be your husband,
but is he someone that you can see yourself with long-term
based upon the dynamics that you have together right now?
Because if there are some major red flags
or some inconsistencies
in the way that he's acting towards you,
or you have some conflict points that are coming up already
in the early stages of dating,
those might end up being major problems down the road
that could actually make a long-term relationship
or a serious invested relationship
unrealistic or not fun at all.
If you can look down the road based upon how things
are right now and see this growing potentially
into an exciting, dynamic, fulfilling relationship,
then that's another powerful indicator that maybe it's time,
maybe you're ready and he's ready and the relationship
is ready to be taken to the next level physically.
Again, those three questions you want to ask yourself
to determine if you're ready to sleep with a man
that you've started dating are, one,
do you feel safe with him?
In your body, in your heart, when you look at him,
when you think about the relationship you've created,
when you think about the dynamics you have with them,
does it make you feel safe?
Does it make you feel warm?
Does it make you feel secure?
Question two is, is he invested?
Is he invested in you?
Does he make time for you when he's busy
or when he's not busy?
Is he connected to you?
Is he curious about you and your life
and other aspects of your life?
Does he want to meet your family, your friends?
Do you really get the sense that he is invested
in who you are as a person?
Lastly, do you see long-term potential with him?
When you think about the relationship you have created
with him right now, and you throw that out into the future,
does it seem realistic?
Does it seem sustainable?
Are there red flags and potential conflict points
and patterns already coming up that could make it not fun
to be in a long-term relationship with this guy?
If you can answer these three questions
with a powerful, confident, yes,
then chances are you're ready to take that next step,
but if any one or more of these you're like,
"Eh, I don't know about,"
it might be better to just give it a little bit more time
and see how things unfold further
because there are a few things
that sabotage a potential relationship more
or make things go worse than if you sleep with somebody
before you're sure about who they are
and what you want from them.
I hope this supported you.
If it did, take a second,
hit that little subscribe button and click the link
in the caption or comments for more great content
that I've created just for you.
Thanks so much and I'll talk to you soon.
Bye-bye.