C: We've gone out for a walk
C: As you can see, it's really sunny.
J: Beautiful
C: Pretty damn cold! J: Really lovely.
J: Ya, yup, pretty, pretty darn chilly
C: I can't see anything, either
J: I feel like maybe my nose is getting
is getting a bit cold.
C: Is it?
Maybe your nose is getting cold?
J: Why, it's a very large nose
it gets cold easily.
J: Aw. That little white dog was SO cute!
It loved Tilly.
It had a really sweet body. I think it had a Shih Tzu body.
It's really low and flat.
Sorry, did you just giggle because I said Shih Tzu?
C: Yeah.
J: Wow.
J: Wow!
C: I know. I'm very immature.
J: But I love you.
Dork.
J: All right, look at the sea.
Look how beautiful that is.
J: 'Allo.
J: I'm running. I'm coming to you!
J: I don't run very well
to be honest.
Watch my run.
C: Just because. Why not?
C: It's the most exercise you've had all week, darling.
J: I didn't think! I just thought about what camera equipment we needed to take out.
J: I didn't think about wearing a jumper!
C: I'm wearing five layers.
C: This one is wearing a dress with a low-cut.
C: Let's run back.
C: Go!
J: So...
[Claudia laughing]
[Panting]
J: In terms of bad ideas,
it's not the worst we've ever had.
C: I love the outdoors!
J: Look at my hands!
C: Oh dear.
C: I don't know what we're looking at, exactly.
J: Oh, that's--yeah, to be fair, I can't feel them, but I guess you can't really see that.
J: Ohh, it hurts!
J: Now, I am too tired to think
and I'm so confused
about what I'm supposed to be doing.
And I just want to cry
and I am crying.
I do cry.
I have brain fog.
Claudi?
C: Yeah?
J: Come.
C: You OK?
C: I'm gonna put your soup in the microwave.
C: It's OK.
C: Don't worry.
C: I made you a Lemsip.
J: What are you doing?
C: Making lunch.
J: Um, yeah.
J: I feel like there's stuff to do, but I can't think and make the stuff happen
and my body feels really bad.
Hello.
So I've had some food
and I've had a lie down
and I'm now human again.
Oh, and I've had--I've had a lot of caffeine.
It's always helpful.
Brings me back to myself.
C: But you haven't had your pill! I'll go get it.
J: But I haven't had my pills!
Dun dun duun! Claud's gone to get them
So, yes, earlier, that was Jessica with brain fog.
Excuse me whilst I edit and talk to you
a thing from earlier.
YouTubing is weird. So meta.
Yeah.
It doesn't happen that often, does it?
My full-on brain fog "don't know what I'm doing"--actually, we call it hitting the wall.
C: Ragdoll.
J: Well, ragdoll's when I'm super floppy.
Yeah. And if I hit the wall, which is where I'm like, "Eurghhh."
"I just cannot."
"Eurgh." And that's just my body...
No. Hitting the wall is just all of it.
But ragdoll is where I literally cannot lift
my limbs
and then Claudia has to do it for me.
I'm taking my pills now, like a good little girl.
Oh, these are the wrong pills.
Babe?
C: Yes?
J: Baby, these are the wrong pills. This is Wednesday.
J: This is the nighttime pills for Wednesday.
C: Oh. Sorry.
C: I got confused with what day it was.
J: See, people? It's fine.
We're not the only ones who get confused.
The norms do it, too.
I'm totally joking.
I don't call her a norm.
It's mean.
Is it?
Yes.
Probably is.
Thank you, baby.
So, pill time.
It's the middle of the day, so
we don't have many.
There. Can you see?
That was a really weird way to hold my hand.
Sorry.
[Laughing]
Focus on my hand, not on my face.
There you go, these are the pills that I'm having now.
Whoops, except for that one I just dropped!
No, I'm still having it. I'm totally lying.
These are Gabapentin. They're amazing.
Yeah, if you wonder what pills I take, by the way, I do have a video about that.
It's called What Keeps Me Going
and as it says on the thumbnail: pills, pills, pills
Gabapentin. This is the good one.
It's actually an anti-epilepsy drug, but...it works
It blocks the pain receptors in your brain.
Mmm, good stuff
And then these are just all the things I'm deficient in.
Life.
[Yells]
[Yells in slow motion]
Hello.
So...
today was obviously not a very good day for me.
I mean, yeah...
Fortunately, I did already have a video.
I'm OK. I've cried so much, I think I've just given myself the most stonking headache.
So, fortunately, I already had a video filmed
about my--the vintage gifts one that went out this morning
so that was good; that was done
but yeah, not much of a vlog today
after I destroyed my laptop.
And I did--...the annoying thing is that I spilt liquid on it
a month ago
and some of the keys stopped working.
I had it...
[Exasperated noise]
Bought a Bluetooth, er, keyboard.
I was like, "I don't have the money to fix this; I will get a Bluetooth keyboard
for ten pounds; it will be fine."
Because...I am a walking disaster zone.
So, after I spilt everything on it,
obviously I didn't film, because I just cried,
a lot,
I went to go and see about getting it fixed.
Apparently, it's quite old.
I didn't think it was that old; it's about three years old, for God's sake.
So Claudia will be getting...
a pair of socks for Christmas.
She's gonna get some socks that she already owns.
Fortunately, though, I do have her laptop.
Gonna cry
again.
So I have her laptop
um, which I can use my Final Cut Pro on
thanks to...the Cloud
Family Sharing.
My whole life is on that laptop, which is the worst thing.
And my entire livelihood.
Clearly, everything I do goes through that laptop.
It will now have to go through Claudia's much slower
and smaller
and...not as good
laptop.
So I feel really--I feel really bad
because I really... It's my fault.
Clearly, my fault.
Um...what can I say?
It was my blind side?
Can I say that? Does that make it any less stupid?
I'm clumsy, especially when I'm tired.
Does that make it any better?
No.
It's so stupid, I know.
And it's something that I get told all the time: Do not have liquids.
But I am pretty attached to my technology
especially since--I think since I was...
As you know, I spent a lot of time in bed when I was a teenager.
I couldn't sit up.
I couldn't leave the house.
Everything I did was through my laptop. Everything.
And it still is, and I don't know
if it can be fixed properly.
I don't know what I've left--lost on there.
Like, all my writing
which, yes, I know, I did--don't worry, I'm not that stupid, I did back it up to a hard drive
but that was about a month ago, I know.
I back it up every month.
I think my writing's just the worst part
and videos, and things that I need for videos.
And...
it's gonna cost, like, such a lot of money
but it's so...important to me.
I'm always with my laptop.
That's really dumb, isn't it? I know.
I feel like it's...
You know, I mean I wouldn't have you guys if I didn't have my laptop
and I wouldn't be able to...communicate with anyone, really.
Who would I...? I don't, you know...
In terms of actual real world people that I see
on a day-to-day
- not a day-to-day, in a month -
I see Claudia, obviously
every day
which I am forever grateful and thankful that she is in my life.
and I see Clara
three days a week
and...and I see Evelina
Clara's fiancee, maybe once a week,
but I talk to those people every single day.
Thanks to the wonder of the internet.
I'm really angry, because I set myself the challenge of Vlogmas
and now I don't know whether I can do that.
I do have a video tomorrow!
I have a video that is done
So that will be coming out tomorrow
thankfully
Um, which is my Christmas Lookbook.
So that's good.
Right, I have--I have edited
today - what there is of today.
I'm gonna put this on the end; I'm gonna put it out.
I'm gonna...
whatever.
And then...lots of people can say that I'm an idiot
spilling stuff
on my treasured--most treasured possession that is not breathing.
I'm going to keep on trying
even if I have to just film and edit on my phone.
Well, I don't need to do that.
That's silly.
OK. Even if I have to edit on Claudia's computer very, very slowly.
[Joy to the World instrumental]