Zara: Who are you texting?
Billie: Oh, it's just a snap from Cris.
Z: What of?
B: I can't remember.
Oh, yeah! She was skiing.
[jazz music starts playing]
[fairy shine noise]
Cris: Ladies and Gentlemen! And those of you who gender non-conform!
Today, you fine folks, you fantastic figures of fortune and fortitude
You! My friends. Have the chance of a lifetime.
A chance to see a feat - so daring, so perfectly impressive and impressively perfect,
that no other soul has attempted it before.
On one hand: you've got Billie. Anxious and looking for her lady love.
And on the other hand: Zara! Ready to settle down...
When hell freezes over!
A date? Between the two?! Impossible! Ludicrous and absurd!
But now, let me attempt the impossible.
Let's bring their two worlds crashing together!
And I'll do it from Queenstown! With one hand behind my back and blindfolded!
Actually, let's not do the blindfold thing.
Let's make a date.
[phone noise] C: Billie!
She writes...
B: Oh my god, I need your help! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh
[phone noise] C: And Zara says...
Z: I'm in the party room with Billie. It's awkward.
C: Let's say I reply to them both and say...
[phone noise] [another phone noise]
C: Talk to her!
B: About what?
C: Anything! Dinosuars, Elvis, the feel of velvet.
B: Um, who do you reckon invented velvet?
Z: No idea. Why?
B: I was just hoping you'd know.
Z: She's talking to me about velvet.
She's anti-flirting. She wants me to back off.
I'm just googling it. The velevt thing.
B: Oh, cool. Thanks.
Now we're stuck on velvet! We're so focused on velvet!
C: Compliment her.
B: You'd look, like, really great in a velvet blazer.
Z: Oh, thanks.
She complimented me?
B: So, who was it then?
Z: John Velvet.
B: Huh.
C: Compliment her back.
Z: You're pretty fast with that phone. Must be handy.
The stakes are too high. I've forgotten how to flirt.
B: I really put in the hours. Nice of you to notice.
[Both laugh]
C: What's going on?
B: Now we're just complimenting each other and I don't know how to stop!
I'm just double-checking your facts. I mean, people lie on the internet all the time, right?
Z: She'll know I lied about the velvet!
C: Forget about the velvet!
Ask her out.
B: To where?
C: Anywhere!
Z: I really like coffee.
C: Ask.
B: Do you wanna...
drink coffee sometime?
With me? Maybe?
C: Say yes!
Z: I'd love to.
Done.
[fairy shine noise]