-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."
You're here. Thank you. You made it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, guys, here's some good news.
New York City has lowered the COVID alert level
from high to medium.
Yes. [ Cheers and applause ]
Finally, the 100 people crammed into every subway car
won't have to be so careful anymore.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I'm excited because if it drops one more level,
the most dangerous thing will once again be the hot dogs.
[ Laughter ]
I want to be the person who gets to decide the level, by the way.
They're probably like,
"Well, it's my birthday party this weekend.
I want people to come. So, medium it is, medium."
[ Laughter ]
"My cousin's wedding is next weekend.
Back up to high!" [ Laughter ]
"Everyone lock down."
And this is big.
The FDA just announced that they are banning
all Juul e-cigarettes in the U.S.
[ Audience oohs ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
Yeah.
No more Juul. No more Juul.
That'll explain tomorrow when you see a bunch of
your coworkers sucking on a Glade plug-in.
It's like, "You getting anything? You getting anything?"
[ Laughter ]
"I feel -- I'm feeling a little something. I don't know."
[ Laughter ]
It's a big deal because if they also ban fedoras,
your old college roommate is going to
have a nervous breakdown.
[ Laughter ]
Meanwhile, the Biden administration says
they're moving forward with a plan to eliminate nearly
all nicotine in cigarettes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Man.
Man, it's a tough day for everyone
who loves ingesting chemicals. You know what I'm saying?
Can't even huff gas anymore. It's too expensive.
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of Biden, yesterday, he visited a vaccine clinic that
was giving out shots to kids under five.
And he actually had some pretty interesting things
to say to the families. We actually got audio of it.
-Really? -Yeah. Take a listen to this.
[ Laughter ] It's just a weird thing.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Really?
-That's not -- -That's not all you have?
-That's not all he said. -You have more?
-Yeah, we have more. Check this out.
[ Applause ]
People are like, "What is he --" -Rhubarb?
-Yeah, I mean -- Finally, he said this.
Yeah, it's just interesting. I don't know.
The baby had no idea what he's talking about.
Hey, guys, get this. This is real.
I read a new report that said Jacuzzis can actually be hacked
and controlled by other people remotely.
So, the next time you're relaxing in a Jacuzzi,
remember that the Russians can boil you like a lobster.
[ Laughter ]
Hacking a Jacuzzi.
Apparently, all the hackers met up like,
"I'll take credit cards." "I'll take bank accounts."
"I'll take Jacuzzis."
[ Laughter ] What?
-Bubbles high. -Yeah.
If you end up getting hacked, don't worry.
It's still not the worst virus your Jacuzzi has,
so don't worry about it. [ Laughter ]
Yeah. Not you. Not your Jacuzzi.
Everyone else's Jacuzzi.
[ Laughter ] Hey, did you guys see this?
Apparently, The Ohio State University has successfully
trademarked the word "the."
[ Laughter ]
Yeah. And in a related story, we're now "Le Tonight Show."
[ Laughter ]
We have to.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I like it.
Well, some sports news, NFL star Rob Gronkowski -- I love Gronk.
He just announced that he's retiring for the second time.
Yep, Gronk is calling it a career,
and he released a really nice statement about it.
He wrote...
[ Laughter and applause ]
He went on to say...
[ Laughter ]
There you go. I thought that was beautiful.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Oh, hey, guys, I saw that today is National Kissing Day.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Whoa!
-And to celebrate, it's time for "The Tonight Show Kiss Cam!"
♪♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
Alright. Who's ready to be on the kiss cam?!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Pucker up, everybody!
Ooh, it's going to be fun!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Finally, did you guys hear about this new Mercedes-Benz recall?
It's not good. Here, check this out.
-Mercedes-Benz has issued a recall for nearly 1 million
vehicles worldwide because of brake-failure concerns.
-What?! Aw, man!
I just bought a Mercedes-Benz.
-Oh, sorry about that, Tariq.
-It's okay. It's okay.
At least I can still get around
on my electric folding bike from Brompton Bicycles.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh.
-"Oh" what?
-Roll the clip.
-Brompton Bicycles is recalling
more than 2,200 electric folding bicycles.
The company says the bike's mud guards
are positioned too close to the front wheel.
-Come on. You gotta be kidding me.
-I'm sorry about that, Tariq.
-So, I can't drive my Mercedes. -Uh-huh.
-I can't ride my bike.
Can I at least still use my Nautilus treadmill?
-I don't see why not.
-Yeah, and my favorite part about the treadmill is that
it has a state-of-the-art software program.
-Well, check that treadmill if
it is made by the company Nautilus.
It might be getting recalled for a software bug.
-Damn it! -I'm sorry.
Tariq, Tariq, I wish I could do something to cheer you up.
-Whatever. I'll just hang out at home with my kids this weekend.
I just got them a new toy from Amazon.
It's called the Jingle Jumparoo.
It's --
[ Laughter ] -Wait, wait.
I wish there was something I could do to cheer you up.
I just -- -[ Laughing ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Cheers and applause continue ]
-Don't encourage it. Don't encourage it.
-I'm so sorry, Tariq.
I just wish I could do something to cheer you up.
-Whatever. I'll just hang out at home with my kids this weekend.
I just got them a new toy from Amazon.
It's called a Jungle Jumparoo. And get this.
I got it with just yellow poles.
-The toy is being taken off Amazon
because it has unsafe levels of lead.
One of the poles on this Jungle Jumparoo contains levels of lead
that exceeds Federal Allowances.
It's only on the yellow poles.
[ Laughter ]
-What?! I'm over this, man.
I'm going to go home and just
have a spoonful of my favorite treat.
Rainbow sprinkles from Wilton Industries Incorporated.
-That sounds fine.
-Yeah, well, they taste great.
They're milk-free, and I keep them in my pantry.
But I rarely check it.
-Might want to check your pantry.
Wilton Industries Incorporated is recalling some of
their rainbow sprinkles because some of the products
were found to contain milk. [ Laughter ]
-Fine. No snacks, no nothing.
I'm just going to go home and curl up next to the fire.
Maybe light some candles and relax in
my Cat & Jack Unicorn pajama set.
-Retailers recalling the Cat and Jack Unicorn pajama set because
these pajamas fail to meet the federal flammability standards.
-You know what? I'm just going to take a bath and relax.
Maybe have a cup of tea to ease my mind.
I got a big date night tonight with the wifey.
-Oh, what kind of tea are you going to drink?
-I only drink organic strawberry tea from Urban Remedy.
-We have a 19 Recall Alert for you tonight.
It's for an organic strawberry tea from Urban Remedy.
It may be linked to hepatitis outbreaks.
-[Bleep]! That's it! I'm out of here!
-Hey, hey, hey. Come on. Tariq.
We'll get him -- We'll get him calmed down.
We have a great show. Maya Rudolph is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Emma Chamberlain is on the show.
And we got great music from Brett Eldredge.
Stick around.
We'll be right back with "Audience Suggestion Box."
Tariq!
♪♪