-Well, you guys, today is Mardi Gras.
So if you want to wish someone a happy Fat Tuesday,
definitely make sure they know it's Mardi Gras.
That's right -- today is Fat Tuesday,
which means tomorrow is Ash Wednesday.
It's that special time in the city where you see ashes
on New Yorker's foreheads and have to guess,
"Catholic or vape-pen accident?"
Let's get to some news.
Earlier tonight, there was another Democratic debate,
and Bernie sanders looked to cement his front-runner status.
Yeah, you can tell -- [ Cheers and applause ]
You can tell Bernie's feeling good.
Before the debate, he picked up a new suit
from a dumpster behind T.J.Maxx.
So it was very nice.
But tonight's debate in South Carolina aired on CBS.
When people first saw Bernie, Bloomberg, and Biden,
they thought it was a live audition for "Old Sheldon."
Not only was the debate on CBS, it is also aired on BET.
It would have been over in two seconds if the moderator
asked each Democrat, "Name one show on BET."
"BET Awards"?
And after a rough debate last week,
Mike Bloomberg tried preparing for tonight
a little differently.
For instance, this time, he prepared.
And this is interesting.
After last debate, people are saying that
Pete Buttigieg and Amy Klobuchar don't like each other.
That's crazy.
Buttigieg and Klobuchar don't sound like rivals.
They sound like furniture at IKEA.
"Honey, what do you think?
We'll get the Buttigieg in ivory."
Meanwhile, I saw that President Trump
just wrapped up his big trip to India.
When he first got to India, he was like, "Wow.
I can't believe Mike Pence used to be governor of this place."
"That's Indiana."
Yeah, while Trump was in India,
he attended a "Namaste Trump" rally.
Trump loved the name, and it actually inspired him
to start doing yoga himself.
-Oh. -He made some of his own poses.
For example, he did the
"make sure you get my under-arms during my spray-tan" pose.
Next, he did the "place I write my tweets" pose.
Then he did the "Eric, get out of my office" pose.
And, finally, he did the "Look, Melania, I'm exercising" pose.
While trump was in India, he gave a big speech
in front of a massive crowd.
Unfortunately, he had a bit of trouble
pronouncing the name of a religious teacher.
Take a look.
As the great religious teacher
Swami Vive...kamunund once said...
-Wow. -What?! What?!
-How can that be...
How can that be anyone's name?
"Kame-ka-mun-nun-nun-nun-nun.
[ Imitates engine revving ]
Can we just see it one more time?
I'm sorry. -Oh, my gosh.
-Swami Vive...kamunund...
-He said, "Kamunund."
-It got so bad at one point, even the prime minister of India
was like, "Just call everyone Buddy.
We're good."
Trump was everywhere in India.
He even released a video documenting
the different places he visited and the people he met.
Check it out.
-I've had such a fantastic time in India
visiting places like Taraji P. Henson.
Sharknado.
Chandler Bing.
Tarantula Nanahaha.
Howie Mandel.
Jimmy and Kimmel.
And I absolutely loved India's prime minister,
Wolf Blitzer.
-That's not Wolf Blitzer. -That's not Wolf Blitzer.
-No.
-I think it's wrong.
-Oh, listen to this.
I saw that trump just asked Congress for $2.5 billion
to fight the coronavirus.
And this is nice.
He even showed everyone how that money will be spent.
Take a look.
[ As Trump ] Don't worry.
The chance of me getting it is very, very small.
Some business news.
I saw that Burger King just came out with
a new French-fry sandwich.
Take a look a this thing. Yeah.
And this is cool.
If you ask for the low-carb version,
the cashier just squeezes mayo directly into your hand.
-Oh. -Listen to this.
A new report found that more and more people
over 65 are smoking weed.
So for the first time, it's a fun thing when seniors
have stiff joints.
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Blues music playing ]
-Joints.
-Finally, I read that ABC is working on
a new version of "The Bachelor" for the elderly.
I'm not sure it's necessary.
There's already a place where old people can meet.
It's called the Democratic debates.
We have a great show!