Alright
I've had my fair share of psychopath teachers growing up, but I think
my 6th grade math teacher takes the cake
He had a little bit of an anger problem and on the surface you wouldn't see it
If you're seeing him in public, you'd be like: "Ah, look at that guy, he likes Pringles..
"..and Miller light probably" Alright
But if you are stupid kid in his math class Well, you've got to see it firsthand
Because he hated stupid children, which is unfortunate
because he teaches 6th grade math, he's surrounded by stupid children
All it took is one stupid question and he'd flip his shit
"Mr. Robertson, does the percent sign go before or after a number?"
*cocks the rifle and shoots*
"Anybody esle got any stupid fucking questions? Huh? Anybody?"
"I've got 29 more bullets here"
He's the first teacher I've ever heard swear in class
Which can be a little jarring the first time you hear it in a school setting
"It's the order of operations, Daniel!"
"You can suck my ass if you think subtraction comes before parentheses"
"What kind of simple bitch are you, Jesus Christ"
Woah, wait a minute, something's not right here, you are a teacher
You're supposed to say happy words you just had a lot of pent-up frustration
If you could just lay into the occasional kid just maybe only an uppercut
Knock one out every once in a while
But no, this isn't the 1930s, where if a kid gets a wrong answer
you can like, push a bookshelf on him or something
He'd always intentionally try to find the most nervous kid, too
Make them answer problems on the board
Just so he can make you look like a babbling idiot in front of the whole class
"Hey, Billy, why are you sweating so much? You're freaking everybody out
why don't you tell us what do you have for problem 3?"
"Uhhh, uhhh, twelve?"
"Yo, high school nurse? If I have Billy pee in a cup, can you give him a drug test?
Because he's obviously smoking crack, if he thinks the answer is twelve!"
I'm pretty sure he'd just go home at night crack open fifteen beers
and just drink till he couldn't feel anymore
"Honey, dinner's done, I made your favourite Cigarettes and xanax, how was work today?"
"Fucking kids getting learned how to add fractions, Sharon, God damn it!"
And sometimes he wouldn't just spaz out on one kid
Sometimes he'd spaz out on the entire class
Like if we were sitting there and he was trying to teach new concept
And we were just not getting it, and he's just looking at our blank faces
knowing that not a single goddamn word he's saying sinking in
"What the hell is he talking about, this is worse than long division"
So one of his favourite things to do was
make us copy things out of the mathbook that we had
"Alright, little assholes, since you can't comprehend anything except your goddamn
Pokeyman cards, why don't you get your mathbooks out and copy pages 4 to 96
So we'd have to sit there and sketch the actual page in the mathbook
Like the diagrams, the page numbers the fucking copyright information
in the front of the book
But I've never seen him as mad as the day he flipped out on my friend Corey
We were sitting there one day, probably had to add fractions or some shit
And Corey's over there fucking off all day in class like he always does
which makes him a prime candidate to be made an example of by Mr.Robertson
"Hey, Corey, take your dick out of your hand and tell me what answer do you have
for the problem on the board!"
"Uhhh, Ahhh, man, oh.."
"Just add the numerators together, Corey, it's not that hard!"
"Uuuhhh, numerators?"
"Which number is the numerator, Corey?"
"Uuhhh, the bottom one?"
"Motherfucker!"
"Oh, God, he's gonna kill me!"
"It's simple goddamn addition, Corey!"
"There are first graders, who can't even wipe their ass proper
that could do this right now!"
"I don't know, I don't know the answer!"
"Can you wipe your ass properly, Corey?"
"Not really, no"
"Corey, get your shit, and go up to your first grade teacher
and see,if she'll let you sit in there and learn!"
"Are you serious?"
"Get the fuck out of my class now!" *Cocks the rifle*
Now if we all weren't scared shitless, we would've been losing it right now
Because the look on Corey's face was priceless
So sure as shit, Corey marched up to his first grade teacher's class
To sit with a bunch of six-year-olds to learn basic addition
and how to wipe your ass properly
"Mr. Robertson sent me up here to learn, ah, and to ask you
why you can't do your fucking job right"
Now, maybe I'm exaggerating a little bit at how psychopathic he was
He didn't shoot anybody with an M16
But if I am, I'm telling you right now it's not by much
He was a psychopath, and his teaching methods were a little unorthodox, borderline abusive
You know, whatever, but I'll tell you what
I learned some goddamn mathematics, that's for goddamn sure!
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