Me: Hey Siri Siri: yes Couch?
Me: what’s the difference between all the Transfomer movies?
Siri: There is no difference. All Transformer movies are all the same. I’m shocked that
none of these movies received an Oscar nom for best picture, b/c All transformers movies
are directed by the one, the only Michael Bay. I’m positive Michael Bay isn’t trying
to be racist on purpose. You could argue he’s the opposite of racist for hiring such a diverse
cast, but sometimes being the opposite of racist is just as a bad as being racist itself.
All transformer movies hired somebody that went on to hate Michael Bay in real life.
Shia dissed ‘em in interviews and some speculate that’s why he wasn’t in part 4 and TJ
dissed ‘em too and some speculate that’s why he died in part 4. All transformer movies
always start off with historic events. Transformers were the first to explore the arctic circle,
It was the Transformers’ idea to build the pyramids, Transformers were the first to land
on the moon, and Transformers killed the dinosaurs. All Transformer movies have dumb parents that
wait until they kid is 17 or older to have the birds and the bees talk. All Transformer
movies recycle footage. This one doesn't count ,but it almost looks like the same exact scene in parts 1 and 2.
In part 2, those are the same exact shots from part 1 with extra CGI added.
Some of the Air Force montage in Revenge of the Fallen is reused
in the news footage in Age of Extinction. The news footage also includes scenes from Transformers 3.
Dark of the moon also has footage recyc led from Michael Bay's other movie The Island
and, they show this shot and then 1, 2, skip a few secon ds later, they show the same footage from a lower angle.
All Transformer movies has a scene with a kid with financial problems. Witwicky hawks his grandpa's stuff because he can't afford a car.
Tessa can't afford to go to college without a scholarship. Dead broke Sam has to mooch of his new girlfriend because he can't find a job.
and his old girlfriend can' afford an apartment near campus because when Sam asks her to move closer to him, this is what she says (audio).
All Transformer movies remind you why Decepticons can't stand Optimus Prime because he talks way too much.
He tells his entire life story to every human he meets even though they just met. (Siri: snitch)
And speaking of talking too much, all transformers movies show how insecure Bumblebee is. Robots don’t have
cocks so they’re tongue is their biggest asset. (Siri: that’s what she said). My
bad, that didn’t come out right (Siri: that’s what she said again). Whatever. Bumblebee
can’t talk trash, so he gets extra pissed at the characters who trash talk about him.
You’re never supposed to trust the government in any transformers movie because they’re
always hiding something. Sector 7 covers up the alien’s existence from the world. The
government covers up the alien’s existence from Sector 7. The president covers up the
alien’s existence from Russia. And the CIA covers up the alien creator’s existence
from the president. All transformer movies put the good guys on America’s most wanted list.
Over here they all have the right to remain silent by the U.S. government. And here, Mark
Sanchez and friends are wanted and they didn’t even do anything. And the Transformers have
it just as bad. The government always consider them an enemy when they’re trying to help.
Bumble Bee gets arrested. That guy who works for the president wants them deported. They actually get deported in part 3. And they’re hunted
down like Bambi’s momma in Age of Extinction (Optimus Prime quote). Despite being a superior
species, the Transformers always need help to get the job done. The U.S. Army Special
Forces, NEST, and the CIA are in cahoots with the Transformers in all the movies.Transformers
die in all the movies, but it never matters because all Transformers movies have a device
that could bring dead Transformers back to life. And Optimus Prime always gets to keep the
device as a collector’s item. Everybody always points out how Michael Bay sells too many
sex in these movies by exploiting women. That’s only 1/2 not false because he exploits men
too. For every upskirt we get from the ladies, we get a PG 13 POV shot of a male camel toe
for humans or robots. Siri: All Transformer movies do that thing when the good guys are
falling and it looks like they might die to death, but then a Transformer comes and catches them. Me:
not so fast Siri, that doesn’t happen in Revenge of the Fallen. But that reminds me,
why are all the humans more invincible than Fast and the Furious curious characters? Sam
gets hit by a car and gets up like hmm, that tickled. They do the Mission Impossible 4
stunt over here and everybody walks away scratchless. I did this twice in real life and lost two
of my knee caps both times. (audio) And nope, still alive.
Why does Optimus get his behind whipped in the middle of every movie?
(Siri: Because he’s trash). Cool thing about Autobots is they never harm humans. Siri:
because people don’t get harmed in car crashes. Yeah, but Optimus knew they had on their seat
belts. Siri: and because you can’t get hurt being thrown 100 feet in the air. Me: they
landed on sand though. Siri: and bullets don’t kill. Me: second amendment much? Siri: Optimius
doesn’t give a f#ck about humans Couch. When I think about it, you’re right because
Autobots always start a fight in abandoned warehouse buildings where they know humans
won’t get hurt, but then they contradict themselves and take the fights to rush hour
traffic where everyone in the carpool lane could get into an accident. During the final
battle scenes humans always decide to split up to decrease their chances of survival by
78%. You could always tell the transformers movies are fake as hell. Not because of the
CGI or anything, but because it’s 100 plus degrees outside and the main characters never
catch a heat stroke running around in those hot as hell jackets. All Transformer movies
have a big war at the end and Optimus Prime gets the last word both figuratively and literally
because he’s always the last one to narrate the ending of the movie (audio). Those are
24 reasons these movies are the same. You agree? Yes, no, maybe so? If not, politely
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