*BOMBGOESOFF*
Hi, this is Monika from PewDiePie's office.
[Ethan] Hey, Monika. Hey... (på dig Monika!)
Uh...how you doing?
My name is ...um...(JEFF)Ethan Klein from H3H3 productions.
I had spoken to Felix about scheduling a collaboration,
he told me to give you a call at this number.
[Monika] Yeah, so I do a lot of scheduling, and I sort out a lot of the collaborations,
and our rate is $50,000.
And, so, basically you just tell me what the nature of the collaboration is and -
Just to clarify, does he know that you're saying to charge me 50,000?
'Cause we're...
I don't know, we're friends, and I asked him,
he said yeah, he's down to collab, so it seems a little strange...
[Monika] Yeah, um, he explicitly said that "hehe" is to be charged $50,000 for the collaboration.
[Ethan] With me, specifically?
[Monika] Yeah, "hehe," Ethan and Hila...
$50,000.
[Ethan] Alright, I guess put us down.
[Monika talking over the intro] Yeah, we're really looking forward to working with you.
You can pay us in PayPal, Moneywire, credit cards...
Uh, we don't take Bitcoin just yet.
Uh, we don't, we're not taking money orders right now.
Wow, Ethan, great moves, keep it up, proud of you
*typing*
[Monika] Yeah, so, in all his paperwork and everything, like, he's not...
[unintelligible] on this $50,000...
*skype dialing*
*dialing intensifies*
[Felix] Hello?
[Ethan] Hey dude, what's up?
[Felix] I'm just...making videos.
[Ethan] Are you ready for our, uh, collaboration dude?
[Felix] Uhhhh, is that today?
[Ethan] Yeah, man -
[Felix] Uhh...
Yeah, I mean, I guess I can do today.
[Ethan] I'm super excited to do this, you know, it's, like, kind of a big -
it's like a, it's really exciting for us to get to do -
[Felix] Yeah, a lot of, a lot of people get excited collabing with me, Ethan, whatever.
Not a big deal.
Do you want, so - do you want, like, a 2012 PewDiePie like - HE-HOO...
Or - *laughs*
Or do you want, like, a 2017 wanna-be-edgy PewDiePie?
I don't...you tell me, alright, I come - which package did you order?
[Ethan] I was kinda hoping you'd just be yourself.
*Felix laughs/scoffs* That's asking too much, Ethan, what the hell?
I'm not gonna be myself.
Who do you think I am? I'm a Youtuber.
*Ethan sighs* Okay, let's start.
[Felix] I'm ready, what do you want me to react to?
These better be good fucking clips.
[Ethan] Today, guys, I am so excited to bring you my EPIC collab with my best friend, PewDiePie!
I haven't paid him, or anything like that, he's doing this out of the kindness of his heart.
We're just two great guys making a video together!
[Felix] Uh, can I just say, uh, it's a huge honor for me to be on the H3 channel?
Uhh...l-love your stuff, what you guys do.
It's...I follow, I - I follow all your videos.
[Ethan] Thank you, dude, thank you so much!
[Felix] Anyway, let's watch this video.
[Video] Selling is service,
and service is selling. Service is selling,
and selling is service.
[Felix] This video is fucking a-awful, Ethan.
Ethan?
[Video] Service is sale, selling is service,
Selling is service, service is selling!
[Felix] Ethan, why are you showing me this fucking garbage?
[Ethan] I love this video!
[Felix] Are you dancing right now?
[Ethan] Service is SELLING, Felix, you can learn somethin' from these guys!
[Felix] Alright, I'm just gonna pause, this is fucking trash.
[Ethan] What? - [Felix] This is absolute -
this is worse than your videos.
[Ethan] What the fuck?!
*phone ringing* Monika? It's PewdiePie's manager?
Hello?
[Monika] Hi, this is Monika calling on behalf of Felix.
[Ethan] Oh, hey yeah, I'm just shooting the video with him right now.
He just took a bathroom break.
[Monika] Oh, great, is this Ethan?
[Ethan] ...Yeah, what's up?
[Monika] There's just been some concerns that Felix has expressed about, um, the collaboration,
especially about the quality of...well, your videos.
[Ethan] Wh-What would you like me to play for him, I mean...it feels a little silly...
[Monika] Yeah, great question, we're thinking something a little more...original. (ORIGINAL CONTENT, EVERYBODY!)
Um, maybe if Felix could have, you know, more to say in the forefront?
[Ethan] So, you want Felix to talk more, and you want something more Fresh (TM), more original on YouTube.
[Monika] Oh, exactly, yes.
[Ethan] And he just went to the bathroom and called you and complained and told you to call me.
*Ethan stutters* Just let me clarify that right now.
[Monika] Well, I mean, I wouldn't - I wouldn't focus on the timeline?
I mean, 'cause this is really just in line with our, you know, what we have for Felix, what we have set up.
[Ethan] Okay, Monika, thank you. Thanks.
Felix is here, better bring out the BIG GUNS.
Here's a good - okay, here, this is one of my premium videos.
This one's been in the vault -
[Felix] Oh, really!?
[Ethan] The one coming up has been in the vault for months.
[Felix] Do you take me for some lowlife whore?
[Ethan] Hey, guys, I'm back with my best friend, PewDiePie, one of the best dudes I know!
[Felix] Hey, what's up, guys, PewdiePie here!
We're gonna react together, I'm so excited - show me this clip, Ethan!
[Ethan] Let's BROFIST this video together, guys!
[Felix] Can't wait!
[Weird Dude leaps from the Void] Hello, chicken nuggets!
Today, we have- (I don't fucking know what's this retard saying)
We are going to be doing a video, we just did a video on [unintelligible], go check it out -
So, we're gonna be peeing on ourselves, we have diapers, they are the adult - you wanna - you wanna take a little twirl?
[Felix] I love the green screen.
[Ethan] The green screen is great, 'cause it, like, it makes an already weird video seem, like,
even more bizarre.
[Felix] Yeah.
[Ethan] It's like, why are you in front of a fucking infinite void of black?
*Felix laughs* It's like,
"Hey, I can put literally anything here, what should I put?"
"Black. PERFECT. That's a good aesthetic."
[Ethan] I-It already sets you up with this really, this feeling, this tone of just absolute dread and anxiety,
that you're just like,
"This is death. This is what death is."
[Blue Dude] Yeah, so I wanna see how it feels to just let loose, let the fluids run, not giving a care in the world.
So, are you ready?
[Red Girl] I'm actually peeing - I just peed, and it didn't come out, but I feel wet.
[Blue Dude] Oh my god!
[Felix] Is - Is this the next Ethan and Hila video, or?
[Ethan] We get inspired from various - different, uh, ways, could be.
It's, uh - here's the thing with YouTube, this is a great title, just extremely shitty content.
[Ethan] The title - [Felix] That's all - that's all you really need.
[Ethan] Maybe I should call this video, "Pee On Yourself Challenge with Felix, with PewDiePie."
[Felix] Well, yeah, but - I mean, you know you gotta pay extra for that, right?
[Ethan] I fucking PAID, dude, STOP!
[Felix] No, listen, if you want a - a, uh, good clickbait title, you can't just pay the standard fucking price.
I'm already giving you a three percent discount because we're homies, alright?
[Ethan] I promise, I won't put you in the thumbnail, I won't put you in the title, okay?
[Felix] Okay.
[Red Girl] You want to twerk with your pee in your pants?
That's disgusting, I feel it moving...
[Blue Dude] My dinkle winker is in my piss, like, I can feel it, like, in there.
[Felix] EWWWW!
What the fuck?
[Ethan] So this is a pretty cool video, I thought this was -
[Felix] This is fucking disgusting, like, why are you showing me this?
What's wrong with you?
[Ethan] I thought it was fun -
[Felix] We're not using any of this.
[Ethan] No, I thought it was a little fresh and fun, it's different, I've never seen anyone...
[Felix] It's disgusting.
[Ethan] I've never seen anyone pee themselves and then slush it around -
[Felix] EWWWWWWWW!
[Ethan] It's fun to play around with your urine, and -
*Felix gags* It's disgusting, can you turn this f-ing s*** off? Alright?
Turn it off.
*phone ringing* [Ethan] Fucking hell, again?
[Ethan] Hello?
[Monika] Hi, this is Monika, calling on behalf of -
[Ethan] Hi, Monika. Yeah, I remember you.
[Monika] Hi again, yeah, um...how do I say this, we're actually really disappointed with what we've seen...
Uh, it's just incredibly disturbing, and on top of that, it's really not what he needs right now?
With everything that he's, y'know, the "death to jews"...
[Ethan] I'm sorry, I remember this video being more interesting.
I apologize, I take full responsibility for that one.
I do have a third video that I think you're gonna love, and it's not weird, it's not sexual...
It's just a good, old-fashioned great video to critique and criticize in a transformative way.
*Felix sighs* I'm getting tired, okay?
Like, I have other shit to do.
I'm PewdiePie, I'm important... [Ethan] I'm sorry - [Felix] I have stuff to do.
[Ethan] You're absolutely right, I'm so sorry, just...
[Felix] Do you think I wanna be here?
[Ethan] So I'm here with YOUR BOI, my good friend, Felix, A.K.A PewDiePie.
Say what up, bro!?
[Felix] What up, brooo!? How's it going?
[Ethan] BROFIIIIIIST!
[Felix] YEAH, so we're going to react to a really cool video?
[Funky Music]
♪ No walls, no barriers ♪
♪ We talk, without a word ♪
[Felix] What the fuck is this?
[Ethan] What, what do you mean?
[Felix] What, this, this is homosexual!
[Ethan] Is that a problem, or, I mean - I don't know, what are you saying?
[Felix] D-Do I... OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH -
WOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH -
WOAH!
I can't look away!
What the fuck is wrong with you!?
Ethan, you fucking butthole!
I don't hate gay people -
[Ethan] I don't know why - I don't know, what are you talking about? What's wrong with this?
[Felix] STOP SHOWING IT!
STOP!
Stop!
Put it down! Put it down.
How do I click away?
[Ethan] Felix, I don't know what's the problem, we're just watching a YouTube video...
It's on YouTube, how bad can it be?
[Felix] Listen, listen, if you want to do that, that's fine, I just don't want to see it. Okay?
[Ethan] So basically, what you're seeing here - it's a little - it's on YouTube, but -
it's a little too provocative to show you guys at home, is a man...
s***ing a d***. And he's staring at the camera in a very provocative way that, I think, is really interesting.
[Felix] I can't f-ing click away on this f-ing video!
[Ethan] Here's more, he is s***ing. He is continuing to s*** his d*** and he's very enthusiastic about it, in fact,
and he just got jizz on his face.
This is on Youtube, I don't see -
[Felix] How is this on Youtube?!
[Ethan] I don't see what's the problem, it's a normal YouTube video, it's on YouTube,
I don't understand, do you hate gay people?
Here, now the guy's l***ing his friends' a-hole.
So, this guy is getting f***ed in the a** now, but luckily, he's really into it.
Felix, are you there?
Are you watching this?
So this black guy's f***ing this white dude in the a**,
and they're doing a close-up where you can actually see his d*** going into his a**,
which is really interesting, I think, educationally.
Are you there, Felix? This is my favorite part, Felix, you're going to enjoy this.
[Felix] ...Oh...
Oh OHOHO, no, what the f, dude, what the f?
Okay, what is wrong with you?
I'm not sending you, STOP -
[Ethan] So, what you're seeing here is a dude p***ing on his friend, but it pans out,
and you can see his d***. Well, at first, you're like, "Oh, is this fake u****?"
But it pans out, he has his d*** in hand, and he's pissing on his friend, so it's definitely not fake, and it's on YouTube.
[Felix] I know what I saw, I saw it!
[Ethan] So this is... [Felix] Joey Salads, what the f is this!?
[Ethan] Yeah, I don't know, I just thought it'd be fun.
[Felix] Did Hila approve of this?
(probably not)
[Ethan] No, Hila didn't see it yet.
[Felix] OOF
[Felix] Oh my F-ing GOD -
STOP!
STOOOOOP!
STOOOOOOOOP!
That is not how you brofist!
[Ethan] For you guys, you can't see, but the black dude has his [CENSORED] covered in [CENSORED]
[Felix] Please stop.
[Ethan] and he's literally, his whole fist is in the white gentleman's a-hole, he's like,
he's like, [CENSORED] deep, you can see it all, funnily, it's on YouTube.
So you can -
Oh, that's f***in', that's actually quite repulsive, to be honest.
[Felix] Is it getting - does it get worse?
There's no way it can...
[Ethan] No, no, no, the worst is over. (Actually not) I mean, I don't think it's bad at all, I think it's a great -
[Felix] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO -
NO, NO, NO, I'm not watching it, not even for the...
[Ethan] So, in this scene, a guy's laying on the floor, and someone comes, and they're squatting,
and you can see the s****y a-hole and the s*** comes out of their a-hole, and they actually shit on his face.
It's on YouTube right now.
Felix?
[Outro Music]